Evelyn Waugh Dispatches
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Evelyn Waugh Dispatches
@ewdispatches.bsky.social
Any word yet whether Lord Candlewyck has been placed on suicide watch?
February 19, 2026 at 2:44 PM
Randy Fountladder-Bogspout, a former Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter in his 60s from Norfolk, has been arrested despite the FTSE being at a record high of 10,609.72.
February 19, 2026 at 1:51 PM
Happy Birthday to a man in his 60s from Norwich 🎉
February 19, 2026 at 1:06 PM
Washington: US President Todd Brownloaf on his helipad, preparing to visit his stately home Pedohambra in Palm Beach, Fla, where he’ll host a party of Dim Old Farts, says arrest of former duke is “a terrible thing. My ballroom is going to be a lot bigger than the one at Buckingham Palace - a lot!”
February 19, 2026 at 12:46 PM
London: Fleet Street reporters are on the scene at Royal Festival Hall, Southbank, as Queen arrives “wearing a velvet navy coat” to attend “a lunchtime concert”, CBeebies Wildlife Jamboree, with the sublime @sinfoniasmithsq.bsky.social, of which she is Royal Patron, and are providing live updates.
February 19, 2026 at 12:17 PM
London: Buckingham Palace have released a statement trumpeting HRH’s desire to assist Thames Valley police in collection of forensic evidence at Wood Farm, as he became “a keen amateur, rather a hobbyist don’t you know (big fan of ITV dramas)” during the decades he endured as Prince of Wales.
February 19, 2026 at 11:57 AM
Washington: US President Todd Brownloaf vows to return America to glory days of Peter the Great, with Great Ballroom for waltzing, Great Casino for faro and whist, 14 ranks of civil service, and free French governesses for all who donate $10 million. Washington to be rechristened Brownloafsburg.
i regret to inform you that Trump is ballroom posting again
February 18, 2026 at 9:54 PM
Washington: VD Tranche, sublimely manscaped US VP, laughs in the face of public polls as he concedes a crushing defeat for his governing party come November would be regrettable for all concerned but that his own private oracles indicate such an outcome to be ludicrous so let’s move on shall we.
FOX: Ds are winning congressional vote preference by 6. We've got a long way to go, but obviously that number would not be good.

VANCE: That would not be good. I will say, as much as we love Fox News, we always think Fox has the worst polling

FOX: I could show you other ones that are very similar
February 18, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Washington: US Atty Gen Shamela Bleat produces longlist of unredacted names extracted from Geoffrey Tideway Dossier, including Prince Albert, Lucrezia Borgia, Percy Bysshe Shelly, Pope Leo IV, Alexandre Dumas fils, Nazimova, Augustine of Hippo, Daniel Webster, the Venerable Bede, and Paracelsus.
February 18, 2026 at 4:30 PM
In Washington, US Sen Jock Kilburn achieves heights unknown to us savages, having flown æroplanes, rocketed into the æther, pulled off a certain æsthetic, and resisted the pursuit of vile lucre via the insider trading historically reserved for the doyens and doyennes of the Upper and Lower chambers.
There’s only 1 person in Congress who doesn’t trade stocks, doesn’t take corporate PAC money, and has a public schedule. That’s me. And it should be the standard.
February 18, 2026 at 1:56 PM
In California, Gov Brick Newelpost is conferring with a diverse coterie of tech brothers, other assorted billionaires, and plumped-up corseted ladies, soliciting their candid views on a likely 0% increase in wealth taxes.
February 18, 2026 at 1:15 AM
At most productive Munich Security Conference since 1938, US Sec'y of State Memo Smallish tells European leaders President Todd Brownloaf is 'committed' to US remaining in NATO for a period of 1 additional year if they deposit 5% of their annual GDP into an Azanian bank account.
February 17, 2026 at 10:40 PM