Fallout is Soyjak Cinema.

White women at HomeGoods be like

My beautiful and wonderful girlfriend knocked an item off my bucket list for my birthday.

If they ever base a religion on me, this is my body and blood.

Get you a girl with access to an industrial embroidery machine

How does this rank?

Greener bar, better person.

Literally all you need to look like an insanely good cook is green shit to sprinkle on top.

Instagram keeps trying to sell me increasingly expensive pieces of wood. They are asking me for $95 for a piece of wood and 150 pieces of cardstock with a straight face, claiming it's a groundbreaking productivity system. It's beyond the pale.

Your last saved celeb pic is your therapist

This is a picture of me.

Could anyone have predicted that the gun he'll use to shoot someone on Fifth Avenue would have his fucking face engraved on it? (yes, anyone could have)