Talking's not that hard if you just cram in unoriginal quotes all the time. Ever since I started, it was been the best of times, it was been the worst of times.
December 27, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Talking's not that hard if you just cram in unoriginal quotes all the time. Ever since I started, it was been the best of times, it was been the worst of times.
Holiday stress made me to relapse into watching Sopranos YouTube shorts on the toilet for tens of minutes at a time. 👋I'm weak. 🫵I'm outta control.🤌 And I've become an ☝️embarrassment ✋to myself and everybody else👐
December 27, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Holiday stress made me to relapse into watching Sopranos YouTube shorts on the toilet for tens of minutes at a time. 👋I'm weak. 🫵I'm outta control.🤌 And I've become an ☝️embarrassment ✋to myself and everybody else👐
Kinda sus that none of the product pics for Crocs Echo Clogs has anyone actually wearing such abominations. No one is risking insulting God to put these on.
December 26, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Kinda sus that none of the product pics for Crocs Echo Clogs has anyone actually wearing such abominations. No one is risking insulting God to put these on.
Exhibiting incredible restraint in not buying a steeeeeep clearance 3-set of brushless drill, impact driver, and impact wrench. Lord beer me strength.
December 19, 2025 at 4:28 PM
Exhibiting incredible restraint in not buying a steeeeeep clearance 3-set of brushless drill, impact driver, and impact wrench. Lord beer me strength.
Seeking funding for my company First Sip Seltzers. It's 2oz cans of extremely carbonated water for those who like the first punch in the mouth you get from fresh cracked seltzer then quickly lose interest in the rest of the can.
December 18, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Seeking funding for my company First Sip Seltzers. It's 2oz cans of extremely carbonated water for those who like the first punch in the mouth you get from fresh cracked seltzer then quickly lose interest in the rest of the can.
Keyser Soze reveal but for when my bosses from the job I'm about to leave find out that I didn't do a lot and what I did do, I did not so great
December 11, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Keyser Soze reveal but for when my bosses from the job I'm about to leave find out that I didn't do a lot and what I did do, I did not so great
Anybody got an ice luge sculpture guy? I got something cooking and it's mashed potatoes.
December 5, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Anybody got an ice luge sculpture guy? I got something cooking and it's mashed potatoes.
@mealboxes consider offering pretzel chips and hummus or guac so your significant other has something to snack on as the house burns down
December 2, 2025 at 2:17 AM
@mealboxes consider offering pretzel chips and hummus or guac so your significant other has something to snack on as the house burns down
I'm not grumpy cuz it's the holidays. I'm hangry cuz I keep accidentally sleeping through breakfast.
November 28, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I'm not grumpy cuz it's the holidays. I'm hangry cuz I keep accidentally sleeping through breakfast.
Dropping "Happy Thanksgiving ya turkeys" in the gc before anyone else to secure the bag of laugh emojis
November 27, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Dropping "Happy Thanksgiving ya turkeys" in the gc before anyone else to secure the bag of laugh emojis
If you had advertised more clearly if your workout shorts had a compression lining or not, I wouldn't have to jam my hand up under and through the leg hole to check at the store in front of all these people.
November 27, 2025 at 12:43 AM
If you had advertised more clearly if your workout shorts had a compression lining or not, I wouldn't have to jam my hand up under and through the leg hole to check at the store in front of all these people.
Job apps: Hey completely voluntary but would you like to identify your race demographic?
You: No
Apps: Okay cool no problem. Are you at least Hispanic or Latino? YES OR NO 🔫🔫😡😡🫵🫵
You: No
Apps: Okay cool no problem. Are you at least Hispanic or Latino? YES OR NO 🔫🔫😡😡🫵🫵
November 14, 2025 at 1:52 PM
Job apps: Hey completely voluntary but would you like to identify your race demographic?
You: No
Apps: Okay cool no problem. Are you at least Hispanic or Latino? YES OR NO 🔫🔫😡😡🫵🫵
You: No
Apps: Okay cool no problem. Are you at least Hispanic or Latino? YES OR NO 🔫🔫😡😡🫵🫵
My main source of karma farming is going on marketplace and offerup to gently inform sellers when their shoe post does not list the size of the shoe.
November 12, 2025 at 3:50 AM
My main source of karma farming is going on marketplace and offerup to gently inform sellers when their shoe post does not list the size of the shoe.
@sauerkraut @justintimberlake
November 12, 2025 at 1:19 AM
@sauerkraut @justintimberlake
If I throw my hands up with three fingers up on each hand and you take a wide open 3-pointer shot, I expect a big triple bucket. Got me, hotshot?
November 8, 2025 at 1:27 AM
If I throw my hands up with three fingers up on each hand and you take a wide open 3-pointer shot, I expect a big triple bucket. Got me, hotshot?
The thing of it is is that I'm reeeeaaaallly incompetent at the stuff I don't wanna do
November 7, 2025 at 10:04 PM
The thing of it is is that I'm reeeeaaaallly incompetent at the stuff I don't wanna do
Creating service calls for my apartment just to get an outside opinion on how messy I keep my house compared to others.
November 4, 2025 at 5:27 AM
Creating service calls for my apartment just to get an outside opinion on how messy I keep my house compared to others.
Penn State mountain lion rawr but for Miami dolphin eie-eeee-eeeeeeeeeeeheee
October 31, 2025 at 1:23 AM
Penn State mountain lion rawr but for Miami dolphin eie-eeee-eeeeeeeeeeeheee
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October 29, 2025 at 5:30 PM
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Whoa almost made an oopsie trying to dress for less
October 24, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Whoa almost made an oopsie trying to dress for less
Resisting the masculine urge to tell my boss that her son's burgeoning baseball umpire career is about to be taken over by robots just like the rest of us.
October 24, 2025 at 12:15 PM
Resisting the masculine urge to tell my boss that her son's burgeoning baseball umpire career is about to be taken over by robots just like the rest of us.
A clear soap dispenser is an hourglass for my next completely unnecessary meltdown.
October 22, 2025 at 11:40 AM
A clear soap dispenser is an hourglass for my next completely unnecessary meltdown.
Celebrating Chinese New Year this year. The 12 hour time difference means I'm in bed by 9 and asleep by 10.
October 20, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Celebrating Chinese New Year this year. The 12 hour time difference means I'm in bed by 9 and asleep by 10.
Look, could I have heisted the Louvre? Yes definitely. But it would have been rude and I'm already on bad terms with most of the French anyway.
October 20, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Look, could I have heisted the Louvre? Yes definitely. But it would have been rude and I'm already on bad terms with most of the French anyway.
Guy in the parking lot: You DoorDash?
Me with $100 worth of takeout grilled cheese in my arms: Nah *I smirk* I'm just a regular guy like you.
Me with $100 worth of takeout grilled cheese in my arms: Nah *I smirk* I'm just a regular guy like you.
October 19, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Guy in the parking lot: You DoorDash?
Me with $100 worth of takeout grilled cheese in my arms: Nah *I smirk* I'm just a regular guy like you.
Me with $100 worth of takeout grilled cheese in my arms: Nah *I smirk* I'm just a regular guy like you.