There's great, secure jobs in academia. Just that no one tells you about them, and people who get those positions do so with a combo of hidden networks, luck and very specialized knowledge.
Or by having the ability to get drunk with people while talking science.

Schrödinger’s dude who goes to therapy: is he actually trying to better himself or is he learning to be a better abuser?

Alarm goes off. Dr. Huberman Poster unfurls as my blinds fly open for sunlight. My electrolyte water straw activates a mechanism tilting my bed, sliding me into an icebath filled with eggs and coffee, then boiled with me in it. I scream “Optimal Morning!” as my vagus nerve visibly pulses in my head.