Ernie Bird
@erniebird.bsky.social
I write musicals to outsource internal suffering to consumers. Lukewarm takes you all begged for.
GTA 6 is finally coming out in November 2026. Millions of gamers will put on their thick reading glasses and enjoy it between their bone-density scans and colonoscopy appointments.
November 8, 2025 at 6:50 PM
GTA 6 is finally coming out in November 2026. Millions of gamers will put on their thick reading glasses and enjoy it between their bone-density scans and colonoscopy appointments.
I would like it to be normalized to say “because you’re sneezing!”
Sometimes when people ask me why I’m wearing a mask I say I’m traveling or have some important thing soon and can’t afford to get sick and miss it and that’s pretty much always true but I think it would be nice if it were more normalized to just say “I don’t want to get sick” and leave it at that
November 8, 2025 at 6:39 PM
I would like it to be normalized to say “because you’re sneezing!”
Visited Germany, and their train delays have gotten so bad I had to guess arrival times with tarot readings. #DeutscheBahn
November 7, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Visited Germany, and their train delays have gotten so bad I had to guess arrival times with tarot readings. #DeutscheBahn
@cisco.com Phones Default Hold Music is a masterpiece that haunted me so much, I HAD to arrange it for piano... 😅 The cherished gem is known as “Opus No. 1” by Tim Carleton and Darrick Deel, and you had to vibe to it (against your will) at least several thousand times in your life.
February 11, 2025 at 10:31 PM
@cisco.com Phones Default Hold Music is a masterpiece that haunted me so much, I HAD to arrange it for piano... 😅 The cherished gem is known as “Opus No. 1” by Tim Carleton and Darrick Deel, and you had to vibe to it (against your will) at least several thousand times in your life.
My Apple Watch warned me about my hairdryer creating a "loud environment." Girl, I know.
August 7, 2023 at 12:30 PM
My Apple Watch warned me about my hairdryer creating a "loud environment." Girl, I know.
Post-gym margaritas: Gaining calories, but that's okay, because tomorrow I'll burn them at the gym. And then... I'll get margaritas.
August 5, 2023 at 8:24 PM
Post-gym margaritas: Gaining calories, but that's okay, because tomorrow I'll burn them at the gym. And then... I'll get margaritas.
I don’t sleep. I actually die every night, then resurrect at 8am because I remember I forgot to Venmo my roommate for brunch. #authors
July 20, 2023 at 6:08 AM
I don’t sleep. I actually die every night, then resurrect at 8am because I remember I forgot to Venmo my roommate for brunch. #authors
As my first Bluesky post, here’s me drinking something that made me feel like I was literally run over by a truck next morning. Anyway, cheers! 😊
July 19, 2023 at 7:34 AM
As my first Bluesky post, here’s me drinking something that made me feel like I was literally run over by a truck next morning. Anyway, cheers! 😊