I gave up today

No more trying

It’s over

why am I still here

Why can’t I end it

I really don’t want to wake up tomorrow.

Please don’t let me wake up

When you already hate yourself and are struggling with believing you deserve to live, how do you stay above the water when you have actually done something awful and have to come to terms with that.

I already felt like I don’t belong on this planet, now what?

IVF sucks. Especially three failed rounds of it.

I don’t think I am ever going to have a family.

I’m not sure anyone will ever understand how haunted I am, not even the people closest to me, not even my wife.

Tonight one of my biggest fears raised its head and someone who says they love me betrayed me when I needed them most.

Well now I’ve been added to a MAGA/right-wing/catfish list.

Appealed but just got my alt added to the list too.

To anyone who doesn’t know me (basically anyone who sees this post because it’s my secret alt) I must sound like an awful whiny incel.

But I’m not.

I just can’t be me anywhere else.

I told someone anonymously that I really would like to be their friend and they said to reach out and ask them. I said I had low self-esteem and I was scared they would say no, they assured me they would love to be friends.

So I built up the confidence to ask them from my main and they ghosted me 😢

A while ago I was added to a list labelling me a nazi and a transphobe. It was either a mistake or someone adding me out of spite.

Since then I keep getting added to subsequent lists: TERFs, far right etc.

I am not these things.

My self esteem is in pieces and I just want to stay above the water

This election is not helping

I can’t really tell anyone I care about how close I am to ending it because they will all freak out and panic. But life has become too hard.

I want to delete my life