Dream Wilder
@dreamwilder.bsky.social
Love to geek out over philosophy, culture, and Buddhism.
(Mama taught me never put your real name or identifiable details online, particularly if you intend on speaking your mind.)
(I do not use this username on other sites.)
(Mama taught me never put your real name or identifiable details online, particularly if you intend on speaking your mind.)
(I do not use this username on other sites.)
Reposted by Dream Wilder
This is why every movie where the neurotic anxious and the idealized avoidant actually succeed in a relationship, without first gaining some clear insight that fixes their respective attachment styles, is dangerously toxic
February 2, 2025 at 12:27 PM
This is why every movie where the neurotic anxious and the idealized avoidant actually succeed in a relationship, without first gaining some clear insight that fixes their respective attachment styles, is dangerously toxic
This is why every movie where the neurotic anxious and the idealized avoidant actually succeed in a relationship, without first gaining some clear insight that fixes their respective attachment styles, is dangerously toxic
February 2, 2025 at 12:27 PM
This is why every movie where the neurotic anxious and the idealized avoidant actually succeed in a relationship, without first gaining some clear insight that fixes their respective attachment styles, is dangerously toxic
… or become impulsively angry at rejection.
Neither types’ hands are clean in either scenario, but both lack the insight to see why they’re doing something dangerous and deeply unethical to each other.
Neither types’ hands are clean in either scenario, but both lack the insight to see why they’re doing something dangerous and deeply unethical to each other.
February 2, 2025 at 12:24 PM
… or become impulsively angry at rejection.
Neither types’ hands are clean in either scenario, but both lack the insight to see why they’re doing something dangerous and deeply unethical to each other.
Neither types’ hands are clean in either scenario, but both lack the insight to see why they’re doing something dangerous and deeply unethical to each other.
(Insight: avoidants do not friendzone people. They offer said zone as a trap/containment device to counter-engulf people in their safe zone. Secure people decline; anxious types “willingly” (compulsively) take the bait.)
February 2, 2025 at 12:12 PM
(Insight: avoidants do not friendzone people. They offer said zone as a trap/containment device to counter-engulf people in their safe zone. Secure people decline; anxious types “willingly” (compulsively) take the bait.)
Which means that nobody they date will last, which means all one has to do is be oneself (whom they already like) attain secure attachment style, and never accept a rigid permanent definition of a relationship as platonic if one doesn’t feel that way, but don’t insist on the opposite either.
February 2, 2025 at 12:10 PM
Which means that nobody they date will last, which means all one has to do is be oneself (whom they already like) attain secure attachment style, and never accept a rigid permanent definition of a relationship as platonic if one doesn’t feel that way, but don’t insist on the opposite either.
…engulfed by anxious types, because their insecurities will destroy the relationship, and secure types do not seek out the company of avoidant types unless they already love them (usually from an anxious/avoidant pairing where the anxious one attains secure attachment first)
February 2, 2025 at 12:06 PM
…engulfed by anxious types, because their insecurities will destroy the relationship, and secure types do not seek out the company of avoidant types unless they already love them (usually from an anxious/avoidant pairing where the anxious one attains secure attachment first)
Interestingly, to secure a stable, long-term connection with an avoidant, giving them space and time when needed is a better gift than anything material wealth can buy.
And one need not fear permanently losing one who loves you, as long as you realize that avoidants cannot be permanently..
And one need not fear permanently losing one who loves you, as long as you realize that avoidants cannot be permanently..
February 2, 2025 at 12:04 PM
Interestingly, to secure a stable, long-term connection with an avoidant, giving them space and time when needed is a better gift than anything material wealth can buy.
And one need not fear permanently losing one who loves you, as long as you realize that avoidants cannot be permanently..
And one need not fear permanently losing one who loves you, as long as you realize that avoidants cannot be permanently..
..maybe a little closer this time, out of fear of abandoning the relative safety of that comfort zone, the eye of the storm.
February 2, 2025 at 12:01 PM
..maybe a little closer this time, out of fear of abandoning the relative safety of that comfort zone, the eye of the storm.
..where they may let an anxious type pursue, pull away when they get too close, and either:
- The anxious pursues, causing the avoidant to flee engulfment
- The anxious, realizing past failures, pulls back fast enough and long enough for the avoidant to come back, seeking the comfort zone…
- The anxious pursues, causing the avoidant to flee engulfment
- The anxious, realizing past failures, pulls back fast enough and long enough for the avoidant to come back, seeking the comfort zone…
February 2, 2025 at 12:00 PM
..where they may let an anxious type pursue, pull away when they get too close, and either:
- The anxious pursues, causing the avoidant to flee engulfment
- The anxious, realizing past failures, pulls back fast enough and long enough for the avoidant to come back, seeking the comfort zone…
- The anxious pursues, causing the avoidant to flee engulfment
- The anxious, realizing past failures, pulls back fast enough and long enough for the avoidant to come back, seeking the comfort zone…
The avoidant seeks connection in a way that avoids harm or engulfment, any threat to their freedom and independence.
This makes them seek a connection as close as they are comfortable with, but no closer. Something that feels satisfying but safe.
Which creates a push-pull dynamic…
This makes them seek a connection as close as they are comfortable with, but no closer. Something that feels satisfying but safe.
Which creates a push-pull dynamic…
February 2, 2025 at 11:54 AM
The avoidant seeks connection in a way that avoids harm or engulfment, any threat to their freedom and independence.
This makes them seek a connection as close as they are comfortable with, but no closer. Something that feels satisfying but safe.
Which creates a push-pull dynamic…
This makes them seek a connection as close as they are comfortable with, but no closer. Something that feels satisfying but safe.
Which creates a push-pull dynamic…
The anxious seeks connection in a way that avoids rejection, ostracism, and/or abandonment (whichever ones they fear).
This makes them either shy or controlling, and in some cases, both, in which case their skill and habit in subterfuge can rival those of master manipulators in Cluster B.
This makes them either shy or controlling, and in some cases, both, in which case their skill and habit in subterfuge can rival those of master manipulators in Cluster B.
February 2, 2025 at 11:50 AM
The anxious seeks connection in a way that avoids rejection, ostracism, and/or abandonment (whichever ones they fear).
This makes them either shy or controlling, and in some cases, both, in which case their skill and habit in subterfuge can rival those of master manipulators in Cluster B.
This makes them either shy or controlling, and in some cases, both, in which case their skill and habit in subterfuge can rival those of master manipulators in Cluster B.
..attachment styles.
February 2, 2025 at 11:43 AM
..attachment styles.
The two types initially can attract each other strongly, until they trigger each other’s panic chase/free drives (I’m not like a professional psychologist just some who suddenly gained insight into two very different mindsets simultaneously), which can traumatize both exactly until they cure their
February 2, 2025 at 11:42 AM
The two types initially can attract each other strongly, until they trigger each other’s panic chase/free drives (I’m not like a professional psychologist just some who suddenly gained insight into two very different mindsets simultaneously), which can traumatize both exactly until they cure their
Well, you see, when coal is burned to power EVs, that retroactively makes it Clean Coal™️, which is actually beneficial for the environment… by which I mean shareholder value 🥰
January 16, 2025 at 3:54 PM
Well, you see, when coal is burned to power EVs, that retroactively makes it Clean Coal™️, which is actually beneficial for the environment… by which I mean shareholder value 🥰
The night life really bites
January 3, 2025 at 3:14 AM
The night life really bites
Gentrification pushes the dead into Limbo
December 31, 2024 at 9:25 PM
Gentrification pushes the dead into Limbo
Reposted by Dream Wilder
If you want people to have to stay in the country after education, you need to tie that specific term of work to the benefits up front. You can't say it's free and then go "Oh but we didn't mean you could do whatever you wanted after receiving it. Pay us back."
December 31, 2024 at 1:47 PM
If you want people to have to stay in the country after education, you need to tie that specific term of work to the benefits up front. You can't say it's free and then go "Oh but we didn't mean you could do whatever you wanted after receiving it. Pay us back."
Reposted by Dream Wilder
Just because a problem is valid does not mean you get to violate other people's rights, or make them "pay back" something they received as a public benefit available to all with no strings attached. If people knew accepting the education meant becoming a slave of the state, they would not choose it.
December 31, 2024 at 1:46 PM
Just because a problem is valid does not mean you get to violate other people's rights, or make them "pay back" something they received as a public benefit available to all with no strings attached. If people knew accepting the education meant becoming a slave of the state, they would not choose it.
I think those solutions are way better policy than forcing doctors to stay.
December 31, 2024 at 4:11 AM
I think those solutions are way better policy than forcing doctors to stay.