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What's the best thing that happened to you today?

#BestThingOfTheDay
Would it help you in your move to the Netherlands if you split the cost with someone and went Dutch?
November 11, 2025 at 2:31 PM
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
November 11, 2025 at 1:31 PM
Old lady: (behind the driver)

Want some peanuts?

Bus driver: Sure, thanks!

Lady: (minutes later) Have some more?

Driver: Sure, aren't you having any?

Lady: I can't, I have no teeth.

Driver: Why do you buy them then?

Lady: Oh, I just like to suck the chocolate off them.
November 11, 2025 at 12:31 PM
My wife just told me I'm the cheapest man she knows...

I'm not buying it...
November 11, 2025 at 11:31 AM
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
November 11, 2025 at 9:31 AM
A yawn is a silent scream for COFFEE.
November 11, 2025 at 8:31 AM
I love telling dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs!
November 11, 2025 at 7:31 AM
The guy who invented predictive text passed away yesterday. His funeral will be held next Monday.
November 11, 2025 at 6:31 AM
There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol has on walking.

The result was staggering.
November 11, 2025 at 5:31 AM
What's the best thing that happened to you today?

#BestThingOfTheDay
November 11, 2025 at 5:01 AM
What do you call a doctor who is always on call?

An oncologist.
November 11, 2025 at 4:31 AM
I miss my umbilical cord...

I grew attached to it.
November 11, 2025 at 3:31 AM
When my wife gave birth, I thanked the doctor, and pulled them aside to sheepishly ask, "How soon do you think well be able to have sex?"

The doctor winked at me and said: "I’m off duty in 10 minutes - meet me in the car park."
#DocAfterDarkk
November 11, 2025 at 3:04 AM
There was a big moron and a little moron sitting on a fence. The big moron fell off.

Why?

The little moron was a little more on.
November 11, 2025 at 2:31 AM
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.
November 11, 2025 at 1:31 AM
The average person has sex 89 times a year.

December is going to be one heck of a month!
November 11, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
November 10, 2025 at 11:31 PM
What do you call a lawyer when he's cooking dinner?

A sue chef.
November 10, 2025 at 10:31 PM
My wife said nothing rhymes with orange.

I said she was wrong.
November 10, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Many top scientists are on the autism spectrum...

so technically...
Autism causes vaccines...
November 10, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Did we ever find out...

what the knights in white sat in?
November 10, 2025 at 7:31 PM
If being bi means you can have a male partner or a female partner...

does it mean if you don't have a partner...

you're on standbi?
November 10, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Do marijuana growers worry about irreversible joint damage?
November 10, 2025 at 5:31 PM
The bartender asked the pirate, 'Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?' The pirate said, 'Aye, it's driving me nuts.'
November 10, 2025 at 4:31 PM
I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning...
I can't have sharpies in the house anymore.
November 10, 2025 at 3:31 PM