Lessons I’ve learned and relearned recently. Most people are deeply unfunny and my dad was actually a good dad in how he taught me to be good to people and act in public

The way I pour dish soap onto my dishes makes me feel like a dousing something with way too much lighter fluid

Me when Gwendoline Christie showed up in severance this week

She overs on me till I stimulate

I’ve finally become a person who buys water from containers. It is Lacroix but still

No free digital footprint pics

Crazy how much more space my car is given now that I have in state plates

They should invent a girlfriend that would date me like forever

They should do smoke breaks but for farts

The funnier parts of my job is getting something in the morning and trying to fit it into the scheme then telling my boss and him saying not to listen to those people and then tell me to do the exact thing he just told me not to do

With an nfl game only being on Netflix this year in and a playoff game only being on peacock next year we will have one shown only at bar where your ex hangs out

Haven’t they invented a car air freshener that smells good and doesn’t make you motion sick? Are we just going to leave it as not solving either problem?

Speed dating is crazy. You meet a lot people you gel with one person you’d like to actually date and the hottest woman you’ve ever met and you’re just there spouting the best game you can muster with the hope of still being rejected. Which is fine, it’s just quite the spectacle.

What a nothing day for me. Not for my boss who didn’t get the memo of it being a holiday tomorrow