@djlond.bsky.social
Just had my Christmas dinner.
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
January 6, 2026 at 2:31 PM
Just had my Christmas dinner.
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
I made a life-sized wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, wooden doors and a wooden engine and you know what....
it wooden go!
🚙
it wooden go!
🚙
January 2, 2026 at 1:22 PM
I made a life-sized wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, wooden doors and a wooden engine and you know what....
it wooden go!
🚙
it wooden go!
🚙
Footballers and rugby players struggle to communicate in foggy weather. They’re mist under stud.
January 1, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Footballers and rugby players struggle to communicate in foggy weather. They’re mist under stud.
I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties.
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
December 31, 2025 at 10:53 PM
I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties.
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
My New Year’s resolution is to buy a massive Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
December 28, 2025 at 1:16 PM
My New Year’s resolution is to buy a massive Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
I come from a very musical house.
A flat…
A flat…
December 27, 2025 at 12:06 PM
I come from a very musical house.
A flat…
A flat…
Did you know in Iceland, it's illegal to have sex on Christmas Eve. You will be arrested if caught.
Not sure about the other supermarkets though?
Not sure about the other supermarkets though?
December 24, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Did you know in Iceland, it's illegal to have sex on Christmas Eve. You will be arrested if caught.
Not sure about the other supermarkets though?
Not sure about the other supermarkets though?
We visited church to check out the festive music, but be careful if you go in, the choirs hand sanitiser is out of date and it burns a bit....Aarrgh!
Their year-old hand gels sting!..
Their year-old hand gels sting!..
December 23, 2025 at 4:50 PM
We visited church to check out the festive music, but be careful if you go in, the choirs hand sanitiser is out of date and it burns a bit....Aarrgh!
Their year-old hand gels sting!..
Their year-old hand gels sting!..
Uncle always said "If you love someone, let them go".
Nice bloke, terrible trapeze artist.
Nice bloke, terrible trapeze artist.
December 22, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Uncle always said "If you love someone, let them go".
Nice bloke, terrible trapeze artist.
Nice bloke, terrible trapeze artist.
I had to go to the doctors today because I keep saying things twice.
He gave me a repeat prescription.
He gave me a repeat prescription.
December 21, 2025 at 3:20 PM
I had to go to the doctors today because I keep saying things twice.
He gave me a repeat prescription.
He gave me a repeat prescription.
Whilst out shopping I could hear a brass band performing Christmas tunes.
As I took a closer look I noticed they were getting large quantities of spit and dribble everywhere.
Turns out they were the Salivation Army band.
As I took a closer look I noticed they were getting large quantities of spit and dribble everywhere.
Turns out they were the Salivation Army band.
December 17, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Whilst out shopping I could hear a brass band performing Christmas tunes.
As I took a closer look I noticed they were getting large quantities of spit and dribble everywhere.
Turns out they were the Salivation Army band.
As I took a closer look I noticed they were getting large quantities of spit and dribble everywhere.
Turns out they were the Salivation Army band.
I’ve been working on a standup routine about drills.
But none of my bits seem to work.
But none of my bits seem to work.
December 15, 2025 at 3:57 PM
I’ve been working on a standup routine about drills.
But none of my bits seem to work.
But none of my bits seem to work.
"Doc, I'm having trouble with my hands. I keep making a lot of mistakes on my keyboard."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
December 13, 2025 at 2:49 PM
"Doc, I'm having trouble with my hands. I keep making a lot of mistakes on my keyboard."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
I injured my back today working at the Christmas decorations factory.
I told my boss and they said they would put me on light duties.
I told my boss and they said they would put me on light duties.
December 12, 2025 at 10:31 AM
I injured my back today working at the Christmas decorations factory.
I told my boss and they said they would put me on light duties.
I told my boss and they said they would put me on light duties.
I crashed my car one night after going to three parties!
My damage claim was rejected, despite having third party insurance.
My damage claim was rejected, despite having third party insurance.
December 9, 2025 at 4:08 PM
I crashed my car one night after going to three parties!
My damage claim was rejected, despite having third party insurance.
My damage claim was rejected, despite having third party insurance.
The other day I found an Action Man doll on my doorstep!
That was followed the next day by a model car & this morning there was a Barbie!
I think someone’s toying with me! 😡
That was followed the next day by a model car & this morning there was a Barbie!
I think someone’s toying with me! 😡
December 7, 2025 at 1:23 PM
The other day I found an Action Man doll on my doorstep!
That was followed the next day by a model car & this morning there was a Barbie!
I think someone’s toying with me! 😡
That was followed the next day by a model car & this morning there was a Barbie!
I think someone’s toying with me! 😡
Reluctantly I am giving up my weekly yoga class.
The price has gone up from £15 per session to £30 and I just can't stretch to that.
The price has gone up from £15 per session to £30 and I just can't stretch to that.
December 6, 2025 at 10:16 AM
Reluctantly I am giving up my weekly yoga class.
The price has gone up from £15 per session to £30 and I just can't stretch to that.
The price has gone up from £15 per session to £30 and I just can't stretch to that.
Personal Trainer - So how have you been cutting your carbs?
Me - Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer.
Me - Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer.
December 1, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Personal Trainer - So how have you been cutting your carbs?
Me - Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer.
Me - Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer.
I like to sing in the car 🚗
But only when I put it in reverse.
I’m a back up singer 🎤
But only when I put it in reverse.
I’m a back up singer 🎤
November 30, 2025 at 2:01 PM
I like to sing in the car 🚗
But only when I put it in reverse.
I’m a back up singer 🎤
But only when I put it in reverse.
I’m a back up singer 🎤
I took a trip on an cruise. Once aboard, I saw no people, just hundreds of male cats.
That's when I realised I'd booked a tom cruise.
That's when I realised I'd booked a tom cruise.
November 29, 2025 at 3:48 PM
I took a trip on an cruise. Once aboard, I saw no people, just hundreds of male cats.
That's when I realised I'd booked a tom cruise.
That's when I realised I'd booked a tom cruise.
Head down to your local dentist today for half price teeth cleaning…. It’s Plaque Friday!
November 28, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Head down to your local dentist today for half price teeth cleaning…. It’s Plaque Friday!
Why couldn’t the pig compete in the track and field event?
He kept pulling his ham string.
He kept pulling his ham string.
November 23, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Why couldn’t the pig compete in the track and field event?
He kept pulling his ham string.
He kept pulling his ham string.
I devised a foolproof cure for constipation but a professor of Gastroenterology poo-poohed it.
November 22, 2025 at 5:07 PM
I devised a foolproof cure for constipation but a professor of Gastroenterology poo-poohed it.
My wife wants to start a business making hair-curling products.
Will she need a perm it?
Will she need a perm it?
November 20, 2025 at 11:54 AM
My wife wants to start a business making hair-curling products.
Will she need a perm it?
Will she need a perm it?
Paused a film to make a cup of tea.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
November 19, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Paused a film to make a cup of tea.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.
I've now lost my job at the cinema.