@djlond.bsky.social
I had an interview as a camouflage expert last week.
I didn't turn up, and i got the job…
I didn't turn up, and i got the job…
February 3, 2026 at 5:13 PM
I had an interview as a camouflage expert last week.
I didn't turn up, and i got the job…
I didn't turn up, and i got the job…
I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked in burned down to the ground, Everyone was so calm…..
January 31, 2026 at 8:13 PM
I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked in burned down to the ground, Everyone was so calm…..
I fell down some stairs at a party 2 weeks ago, then last week I fell down stairs again at another party.
This weekend I got another party so I took out 3rd party insurance.
This weekend I got another party so I took out 3rd party insurance.
January 29, 2026 at 5:52 PM
I fell down some stairs at a party 2 weeks ago, then last week I fell down stairs again at another party.
This weekend I got another party so I took out 3rd party insurance.
This weekend I got another party so I took out 3rd party insurance.
Been trying to get in touch with my judo instructor for a few days now.
But he's a hard man to pin down.
But he's a hard man to pin down.
January 28, 2026 at 6:39 PM
Been trying to get in touch with my judo instructor for a few days now.
But he's a hard man to pin down.
But he's a hard man to pin down.
My uncle always used to say "Two heads are better than one."
Lovely man! Terrible plastic surgeon!
Lovely man! Terrible plastic surgeon!
January 27, 2026 at 4:37 PM
My uncle always used to say "Two heads are better than one."
Lovely man! Terrible plastic surgeon!
Lovely man! Terrible plastic surgeon!
My mate loves his new job as the town crier.
Says he's found his calling!
Says he's found his calling!
January 25, 2026 at 7:10 PM
My mate loves his new job as the town crier.
Says he's found his calling!
Says he's found his calling!
I went to a gym class & the hall was full of batteries, capacitors, resistors and wires!
We did circuit training!
We did circuit training!
January 24, 2026 at 1:05 PM
I went to a gym class & the hall was full of batteries, capacitors, resistors and wires!
We did circuit training!
We did circuit training!
I treated myself and bought a drone today.
I would have bought a jet-pack instead but I didn’t want to get carried away.
I would have bought a jet-pack instead but I didn’t want to get carried away.
January 23, 2026 at 4:57 PM
I treated myself and bought a drone today.
I would have bought a jet-pack instead but I didn’t want to get carried away.
I would have bought a jet-pack instead but I didn’t want to get carried away.
I once asked a girl on a date but she told me l had the face like the back end of a boat! 🤬
I didn't reply but l gave her a very stern look.
I didn't reply but l gave her a very stern look.
January 22, 2026 at 8:22 PM
I once asked a girl on a date but she told me l had the face like the back end of a boat! 🤬
I didn't reply but l gave her a very stern look.
I didn't reply but l gave her a very stern look.
I wanted to be a historian, but there was no future in it.
January 20, 2026 at 5:32 PM
I wanted to be a historian, but there was no future in it.
Today we celebrate the birthday of the man who invented the boomerang.
Many Happy Returns.
Many Happy Returns.
January 19, 2026 at 6:02 PM
Today we celebrate the birthday of the man who invented the boomerang.
Many Happy Returns.
Many Happy Returns.
I don’t trust people who do acupuncture—they’re back stabbers.
January 18, 2026 at 6:01 PM
I don’t trust people who do acupuncture—they’re back stabbers.
My New Year’s resolution is to be more punctual!
January 17, 2026 at 6:51 PM
My New Year’s resolution is to be more punctual!
Sent in my latest artwork, an experimental painting on bubble-wrap, to a gallery for an estimation.
Hope they don’t pick holes in it!
Hope they don’t pick holes in it!
January 16, 2026 at 6:13 PM
Sent in my latest artwork, an experimental painting on bubble-wrap, to a gallery for an estimation.
Hope they don’t pick holes in it!
Hope they don’t pick holes in it!
I have a phobia of trampolines.
I can’t help it, they just always make me jump!
I can’t help it, they just always make me jump!
January 15, 2026 at 6:06 PM
I have a phobia of trampolines.
I can’t help it, they just always make me jump!
I can’t help it, they just always make me jump!
I told my wife.. Dont use that 10 inch long cotton bud!
But does she listen... It just goes in one ear and out the other 🙄
But does she listen... It just goes in one ear and out the other 🙄
January 14, 2026 at 5:06 PM
I told my wife.. Dont use that 10 inch long cotton bud!
But does she listen... It just goes in one ear and out the other 🙄
But does she listen... It just goes in one ear and out the other 🙄
I saw a man carrying a door handle today and asked him why.
"It gets me out of the house" he said..
"It gets me out of the house" he said..
January 13, 2026 at 10:05 AM
I saw a man carrying a door handle today and asked him why.
"It gets me out of the house" he said..
"It gets me out of the house" he said..
I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.
I'm in A & E now, waiting to see a cardyologist.
I'm in A & E now, waiting to see a cardyologist.
January 12, 2026 at 12:50 PM
I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.
I'm in A & E now, waiting to see a cardyologist.
I'm in A & E now, waiting to see a cardyologist.
Couldn't decide whether to stay in hospital for a hip replacement or go home for my favourite fish dinner.
Yup, it was a missed op or tuna tea.
Yup, it was a missed op or tuna tea.
January 10, 2026 at 3:50 PM
Couldn't decide whether to stay in hospital for a hip replacement or go home for my favourite fish dinner.
Yup, it was a missed op or tuna tea.
Yup, it was a missed op or tuna tea.
I had a real job trying to open a bottle of Ketchup so went on the internet for some ‘open source’ information.
January 8, 2026 at 6:51 PM
I had a real job trying to open a bottle of Ketchup so went on the internet for some ‘open source’ information.
Just had my Christmas dinner.
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
January 6, 2026 at 2:31 PM
Just had my Christmas dinner.
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
I don't rate these slow cookers one bit!
I made a life-sized wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, wooden doors and a wooden engine and you know what....
it wooden go!
🚙
it wooden go!
🚙
January 2, 2026 at 1:22 PM
I made a life-sized wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, wooden doors and a wooden engine and you know what....
it wooden go!
🚙
it wooden go!
🚙
Footballers and rugby players struggle to communicate in foggy weather. They’re mist under stud.
January 1, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Footballers and rugby players struggle to communicate in foggy weather. They’re mist under stud.
I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties.
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
December 31, 2025 at 10:53 PM
I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties.
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
It goes in one year and out the other
😂
My New Year’s resolution is to buy a massive Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
December 28, 2025 at 1:16 PM
My New Year’s resolution is to buy a massive Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it!!!
And I plan on sticking to it!!!