My mom: Got any big plans for the holiday weekend?

Me:

Same here, buddy

Kid Rock showing up for his first day of work after trump appoints him head of the ATF

I love how the likely outcomes of this incoming administration are:

A) An embarrassing but ultimately harmless dipshit factory staffed by imbecilic clowns too stupid to actually fuck anything up

B) The end of western civilization

OR, and most likely

C) both

Attorney General Matt Gaetz is a thing that would get you fired from even The Onion’s writing room. “Please, take this seriously” your editor would sternly beg

When I get stuck at a red light next to the bus full of kids I flipped off a minute earlier

Ok. I’m here. I’ve taken my thinking cap off and I’m ready to do takes. Please do not yell at me. I have fragile little bird bones and I’m frightened of everything