Destiny Sugarbuns
@destinysugarbuns.bsky.social
She/her. Sex worker, survivor, autistic, adopted. Historian and writer.
Profile ID: Photo of path between trees and flowers & text reading, "We are the wayside / community is a journey."
Header ID: "Ever-masker" over collage of words like "ever-reader,"
Profile ID: Photo of path between trees and flowers & text reading, "We are the wayside / community is a journey."
Header ID: "Ever-masker" over collage of words like "ever-reader,"
...And I'm blocked.
November 26, 2025 at 1:51 AM
...And I'm blocked.
"Try" doesn't remove the command because "try" is still an action that you want someone to take. "You should try to hop up and down on one foot" isn't less commanding than "you should hop up and down on one foot", it just acknowledges that trying may not succeed.
November 26, 2025 at 1:49 AM
"Try" doesn't remove the command because "try" is still an action that you want someone to take. "You should try to hop up and down on one foot" isn't less commanding than "you should hop up and down on one foot", it just acknowledges that trying may not succeed.
that the something might not work.
November 26, 2025 at 1:47 AM
that the something might not work.
"You will do" is something I asked you if you meant to say because YOU said something like "I should have said "will"" (it would take a lot of scrolling to find the exact quote, but the word "will" came first from you.)
"You should try" still means "you should do" something, it just acknowledges
"You should try" still means "you should do" something, it just acknowledges
November 26, 2025 at 1:47 AM
"You will do" is something I asked you if you meant to say because YOU said something like "I should have said "will"" (it would take a lot of scrolling to find the exact quote, but the word "will" came first from you.)
"You should try" still means "you should do" something, it just acknowledges
"You should try" still means "you should do" something, it just acknowledges
articulate your mistake in terms that assign responsibility to no one or to a collective or to you and I equally rather than to you personally and solely. I think the reason you would prefer such an articulation is that it would protect your ego, not that it would most benefit the group.
November 26, 2025 at 1:39 AM
articulate your mistake in terms that assign responsibility to no one or to a collective or to you and I equally rather than to you personally and solely. I think the reason you would prefer such an articulation is that it would protect your ego, not that it would most benefit the group.
No the reason why I'm telling you we don't have the time is that I think you have the capacity to understand what you did wrong without arguing for three hours about it. I do consider you responsible for saying something rude and racist, and I think what is happening is that you want me to
November 26, 2025 at 1:39 AM
No the reason why I'm telling you we don't have the time is that I think you have the capacity to understand what you did wrong without arguing for three hours about it. I do consider you responsible for saying something rude and racist, and I think what is happening is that you want me to
What did I shift? What did I misquote? What are you talking about?
November 26, 2025 at 1:31 AM
What did I shift? What did I misquote? What are you talking about?
I brought up a dictionary definition of the word "should" to show you how what you said was that Bibi had an obligation to follow your directive and you responded with quote marks around a definition not in that dictionary and didn't answer my follow question about where your definition came from.
November 26, 2025 at 1:31 AM
I brought up a dictionary definition of the word "should" to show you how what you said was that Bibi had an obligation to follow your directive and you responded with quote marks around a definition not in that dictionary and didn't answer my follow question about where your definition came from.
Nobody has that kind of time or energy. I have now spent hours trying to explain to you how what you actually said is problematic because you seemed confused and at the end of it you're just going right back to assigning activist obligations to other people. Feels like I wasted my time.
November 26, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Nobody has that kind of time or energy. I have now spent hours trying to explain to you how what you actually said is problematic because you seemed confused and at the end of it you're just going right back to assigning activist obligations to other people. Feels like I wasted my time.
feelings and thoughts leading up to the misogynist statement, I'd be forcing a whole lot of unnecessary labor on the listener and making my mistake their responsibility.
November 26, 2025 at 1:13 AM
feelings and thoughts leading up to the misogynist statement, I'd be forcing a whole lot of unnecessary labor on the listener and making my mistake their responsibility.
make would still be misogynist. I could rectify the situation pretty quickly in that case with a correction, "I meant to say, 'I hate swimmin'." If I instead followed it up with, "you just don't understand the way I think" and tried to guide the listener through a point-by-point narrative of my
November 26, 2025 at 1:13 AM
make would still be misogynist. I could rectify the situation pretty quickly in that case with a correction, "I meant to say, 'I hate swimmin'." If I instead followed it up with, "you just don't understand the way I think" and tried to guide the listener through a point-by-point narrative of my
No it isn't. The words you actually used have meanings independent of your intentions. If I said "I hate women," I said something unambiguously misogynist. Maybe I intended to say "I hate swimmin'" and a slip of the tongue messed it up, I am not actually a misogynist, but the statement I did in fact
November 26, 2025 at 1:13 AM
No it isn't. The words you actually used have meanings independent of your intentions. If I said "I hate women," I said something unambiguously misogynist. Maybe I intended to say "I hate swimmin'" and a slip of the tongue messed it up, I am not actually a misogynist, but the statement I did in fact
It's not part of the problem because your intent is not my responsibility. You said something rude and infused with racist assumptions. If you fully understand why it's rude and racist and aren't going to make similar mistakes in the future then my business with you is concluded.
November 26, 2025 at 12:33 AM
It's not part of the problem because your intent is not my responsibility. You said something rude and infused with racist assumptions. If you fully understand why it's rude and racist and aren't going to make similar mistakes in the future then my business with you is concluded.
I'm not really invested in the thoughts in your head or their interior context, though. All I'm trying to talk about is what you actually said and how it impacted other people.
November 26, 2025 at 12:20 AM
I'm not really invested in the thoughts in your head or their interior context, though. All I'm trying to talk about is what you actually said and how it impacted other people.
Math is when you never mention people dying. I am very un-emotional.
November 26, 2025 at 12:15 AM
Math is when you never mention people dying. I am very un-emotional.
Reposted by Destiny Sugarbuns
This is like the Reagan philosophy in a nutshell. It’s emotional to care about the survival of our fellow humans. Greed, on the other hand, is rational.
November 25, 2025 at 3:40 PM
This is like the Reagan philosophy in a nutshell. It’s emotional to care about the survival of our fellow humans. Greed, on the other hand, is rational.
You can't give someone control by telling them what to do.
November 26, 2025 at 12:09 AM
You can't give someone control by telling them what to do.
You recognized danger in a person in need of healthcare giving up the fight for it. But you didn't recognize the danger in a person exhausted by the fight for healthcare being told they have an obligation to keep fighting, which is to say, they have to fight YOU for the right to rest.
November 26, 2025 at 12:03 AM
You recognized danger in a person in need of healthcare giving up the fight for it. But you didn't recognize the danger in a person exhausted by the fight for healthcare being told they have an obligation to keep fighting, which is to say, they have to fight YOU for the right to rest.
important guard against dictating someone else's experiences to them, speaking for them, and otherwise infringing on their autonomy and privacy.
November 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
important guard against dictating someone else's experiences to them, speaking for them, and otherwise infringing on their autonomy and privacy.
subjective experiences and simply assume there's something wrong with anyone who doesn't. The use of "we" when talking to someone more marginalized than yourself has a high potential, therefore, of being a projection of your own experiences onto them. Identifying where you begin and they end is an
November 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
subjective experiences and simply assume there's something wrong with anyone who doesn't. The use of "we" when talking to someone more marginalized than yourself has a high potential, therefore, of being a projection of your own experiences onto them. Identifying where you begin and they end is an
makes one a good and moral person. But allistics do a very poor job of empathizing with autistics, and men with women, and cis people with trans people, and white people with POC. Marginalized groups have to develop double empathy to survive, whereas dominant groups can assume everyone shares their
November 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
makes one a good and moral person. But allistics do a very poor job of empathizing with autistics, and men with women, and cis people with trans people, and white people with POC. Marginalized groups have to develop double empathy to survive, whereas dominant groups can assume everyone shares their
quality of being an immoral person, such that autistic people who can't empathize with allistic people lack morality, etc. Empathy is lionized because the people with dominant neurotypes benefit from these assumptions that one's ability to frequently predict the subjective experiences of others
November 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
quality of being an immoral person, such that autistic people who can't empathize with allistic people lack morality, etc. Empathy is lionized because the people with dominant neurotypes benefit from these assumptions that one's ability to frequently predict the subjective experiences of others
human experience can easily be swapped out for another, that what hurts you will hurt another and what doesn't won't. There is ableism also in the beliefs that follow from this theory, that if you can't feel what another person feels when you imagine yourself in their shoes that you have the
November 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
human experience can easily be swapped out for another, that what hurts you will hurt another and what doesn't won't. There is ableism also in the beliefs that follow from this theory, that if you can't feel what another person feels when you imagine yourself in their shoes that you have the