That makes the song so much better.

What is heckle them?

Bound from tanned human skin.

I got Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I'm going to assume that means I'm going to shave my head and rehash an old TV series episode. Could be worse.

That's why I prefer the third option:

Recipe:
Step one: Buy them off the interwebs

Yep. Waterspider is especially fun (IMO)

Or maybe just go for his older short stories, they're funnier and only slightly less weird.

No, there's no tact involved here.

What is his career?

(This does not apply to older couples for some reason.)

This happens (kind of) when I'm out hiking. Dudes by themselves will say good morning to me when they pass. Women by themselves, same. Hetero couples - the dude will nod only if the woman they're with (a) says something to me first or (b) can't see them acknowledging my existence.

*sigh* Of course there is.

Let's try it and see what happens.

Air conditioning, sir!