🌾 ė̵l̶i j mü̧i҉ŗ 🌾
@decafweed.bsky.social
Bartender / Wikipedia Speedrunner
wired were the eyes of the horse on a jet pilot one that smiled when he flew over the bay
wired were the eyes of the horse on a jet pilot one that smiled when he flew over the bay
TFW the Artist Killing Robot’s algorithm that’s studied you since stepping foot onto the internet is going to feed into your need to be perceived as an “old soul” by your peers:
December 4, 2025 at 9:09 PM
TFW the Artist Killing Robot’s algorithm that’s studied you since stepping foot onto the internet is going to feed into your need to be perceived as an “old soul” by your peers:
Grossest 7 word story ever:
For Sale: Baby Diapers, Worn A LOT!
For Sale: Baby Diapers, Worn A LOT!
September 24, 2025 at 12:42 AM
Grossest 7 word story ever:
For Sale: Baby Diapers, Worn A LOT!
For Sale: Baby Diapers, Worn A LOT!
put an iPod Touch filled w all my favorite songs from 2008 into a blender with Açaí, Ashwagandha, Lion’s Mane, and Mountain Dew Livewire.
The elixir concocted glows a pale ochre. I’ve been adding it to my dog’s water slowly every day until he can play an entire System of a Down album on my MicroKorg
The elixir concocted glows a pale ochre. I’ve been adding it to my dog’s water slowly every day until he can play an entire System of a Down album on my MicroKorg
August 29, 2025 at 1:00 AM
put an iPod Touch filled w all my favorite songs from 2008 into a blender with Açaí, Ashwagandha, Lion’s Mane, and Mountain Dew Livewire.
The elixir concocted glows a pale ochre. I’ve been adding it to my dog’s water slowly every day until he can play an entire System of a Down album on my MicroKorg
The elixir concocted glows a pale ochre. I’ve been adding it to my dog’s water slowly every day until he can play an entire System of a Down album on my MicroKorg
you’re in her dm’s.
i’m riding shotgun in her dragula flying my hand out the window making airplane noises
i’m riding shotgun in her dragula flying my hand out the window making airplane noises
August 9, 2025 at 9:19 PM
you’re in her dm’s.
i’m riding shotgun in her dragula flying my hand out the window making airplane noises
i’m riding shotgun in her dragula flying my hand out the window making airplane noises
I’m still waiting for a movie about a beach that makes you old, why is no one making that yet? the people are begging for it!
June 8, 2025 at 2:27 AM
I’m still waiting for a movie about a beach that makes you old, why is no one making that yet? the people are begging for it!
Lemme get this straight, you’re telling me a crab ran this goon?
May 21, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Lemme get this straight, you’re telling me a crab ran this goon?
oh my god sorry guys i didn’t forget about you i’ve just been over at X(formerly Twitter)’s house doing an upper decker in their bathroom
April 26, 2025 at 1:37 AM
oh my god sorry guys i didn’t forget about you i’ve just been over at X(formerly Twitter)’s house doing an upper decker in their bathroom
Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?
Yea, me neither :/
Yea, me neither :/
April 4, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?
Yea, me neither :/
Yea, me neither :/
“Old Pioneer Fort Reenactments Cancelled Due to Inclimate Weather”
Fuck that, lemme get in one of those cabins show me how the boys kept warm in the cold season!
Fuck that, lemme get in one of those cabins show me how the boys kept warm in the cold season!
March 23, 2025 at 6:06 PM
“Old Pioneer Fort Reenactments Cancelled Due to Inclimate Weather”
Fuck that, lemme get in one of those cabins show me how the boys kept warm in the cold season!
Fuck that, lemme get in one of those cabins show me how the boys kept warm in the cold season!
guy at bar to friends: “you guys ever see 127 days? about the rock climber?”
dude i wish james franco got stuck that long
dude i wish james franco got stuck that long
March 18, 2025 at 6:02 AM
guy at bar to friends: “you guys ever see 127 days? about the rock climber?”
dude i wish james franco got stuck that long
dude i wish james franco got stuck that long
Death Cab style song about how the Garbage Disposal isn’t accurately named that devolves into a list of things you shouldn’t put into the garbage disposal.
March 16, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Death Cab style song about how the Garbage Disposal isn’t accurately named that devolves into a list of things you shouldn’t put into the garbage disposal.
every time i’m wearing a beanie customers think im me, and everytime im wearing a baseball cap they think im my coworker drew. feel like i have to wear a beanie every day now :/
March 7, 2025 at 5:14 AM
every time i’m wearing a beanie customers think im me, and everytime im wearing a baseball cap they think im my coworker drew. feel like i have to wear a beanie every day now :/
my roommate got my dog a toy pig when i was at work. he paraded it around in front of me when i got home. my soul is healed.
March 1, 2025 at 10:19 AM
my roommate got my dog a toy pig when i was at work. he paraded it around in front of me when i got home. my soul is healed.
My neighbor just knocked on my door to give me a giant ginger root. Very cute.
My neighbor then texted me a recipe they loved that’s just corn and rice (cus they know i like to cook?)
My neighbor then texted me a recipe they loved that’s just corn and rice (cus they know i like to cook?)
February 25, 2025 at 4:17 AM
My neighbor just knocked on my door to give me a giant ginger root. Very cute.
My neighbor then texted me a recipe they loved that’s just corn and rice (cus they know i like to cook?)
My neighbor then texted me a recipe they loved that’s just corn and rice (cus they know i like to cook?)
let’s be so for real…
Bionicles gave boys unhealthy body expectations
Bionicles gave boys unhealthy body expectations
February 25, 2025 at 2:51 AM
let’s be so for real…
Bionicles gave boys unhealthy body expectations
Bionicles gave boys unhealthy body expectations
is there a real way to depict police officers doing their jobs, in media, that doesn’t imply violence?
(directing traffic with white gloves and a whistle isn’t real don’t fwm)
(directing traffic with white gloves and a whistle isn’t real don’t fwm)
February 24, 2025 at 12:22 AM
is there a real way to depict police officers doing their jobs, in media, that doesn’t imply violence?
(directing traffic with white gloves and a whistle isn’t real don’t fwm)
(directing traffic with white gloves and a whistle isn’t real don’t fwm)
I’ve modded my metabolism to run on anywhere between one and four meals a day depending on barometric pressure.
These changes are subtle at first but you really start to see the difference when I enter the ionosphere.
These changes are subtle at first but you really start to see the difference when I enter the ionosphere.
February 20, 2025 at 2:44 AM
I’ve modded my metabolism to run on anywhere between one and four meals a day depending on barometric pressure.
These changes are subtle at first but you really start to see the difference when I enter the ionosphere.
These changes are subtle at first but you really start to see the difference when I enter the ionosphere.
i don’t have to use silly tricks to remember the difference between stalagmites and stalactites, my brain knows these things intrinsically
February 20, 2025 at 2:27 AM
i don’t have to use silly tricks to remember the difference between stalagmites and stalactites, my brain knows these things intrinsically
technofacists are using 5G theta-blockers to hack my sacral chakra until i contribute to the number of daily googles of:
“are Sabrina Carpenter and John Carpenter Related?”
“are Sabrina Carpenter and John Carpenter Related?”
February 20, 2025 at 12:36 AM
technofacists are using 5G theta-blockers to hack my sacral chakra until i contribute to the number of daily googles of:
“are Sabrina Carpenter and John Carpenter Related?”
“are Sabrina Carpenter and John Carpenter Related?”
I’ve stunted most of the areas of deep neural stimulation that are not related to fight or flight.
all my choices from now on will be based on the highest level of primal survival analysis via what i read in Zoobooks as a kid.
I will treat every professional dilemma as an ibex would a snow leopard.
all my choices from now on will be based on the highest level of primal survival analysis via what i read in Zoobooks as a kid.
I will treat every professional dilemma as an ibex would a snow leopard.
February 20, 2025 at 12:26 AM
I’ve stunted most of the areas of deep neural stimulation that are not related to fight or flight.
all my choices from now on will be based on the highest level of primal survival analysis via what i read in Zoobooks as a kid.
I will treat every professional dilemma as an ibex would a snow leopard.
all my choices from now on will be based on the highest level of primal survival analysis via what i read in Zoobooks as a kid.
I will treat every professional dilemma as an ibex would a snow leopard.
remember back in 2008 when that man was pregnant, that shit would break our country today.
February 19, 2025 at 3:47 AM
remember back in 2008 when that man was pregnant, that shit would break our country today.
just saw a woman wearing a shirt that said “Punish Her”
and it had the Punisher on it spanking a lady.
people need to calm down.
and it had the Punisher on it spanking a lady.
people need to calm down.
February 17, 2025 at 1:43 AM
just saw a woman wearing a shirt that said “Punish Her”
and it had the Punisher on it spanking a lady.
people need to calm down.
and it had the Punisher on it spanking a lady.
people need to calm down.
Moneyball… is that a movie about Lance Armstrong?
February 15, 2025 at 11:50 PM
Moneyball… is that a movie about Lance Armstrong?
If they made The Customer being ‘always right’ into federal law, i’d be serving people until they drunk drive themselves to death on a daily basis…
I’d also prolly be blowin’ a lot of dudes.
I’d also prolly be blowin’ a lot of dudes.
February 15, 2025 at 6:35 PM
If they made The Customer being ‘always right’ into federal law, i’d be serving people until they drunk drive themselves to death on a daily basis…
I’d also prolly be blowin’ a lot of dudes.
I’d also prolly be blowin’ a lot of dudes.
“this is so crazy, what even are we? haha😜”
- me at my dog
- me at my dog
February 10, 2025 at 7:23 PM
“this is so crazy, what even are we? haha😜”
- me at my dog
- me at my dog