near
@deadgayturtleshell.bsky.social
hi again. going through overwhelming stress right now. pressure from work, personal projects and university is hurting me. i feel terrible. keep promising everyone that i wouldnt do it again but i keep going back to SH. keep thinking of ways i could kill myself without pain
October 30, 2025 at 1:59 AM
hi again. going through overwhelming stress right now. pressure from work, personal projects and university is hurting me. i feel terrible. keep promising everyone that i wouldnt do it again but i keep going back to SH. keep thinking of ways i could kill myself without pain
been a while. im doing better. having issues with drafting up my free time into things that are important but. im happy that these are the only things that i am dealing with and not stacks and stacks of college stress
July 5, 2025 at 8:27 PM
been a while. im doing better. having issues with drafting up my free time into things that are important but. im happy that these are the only things that i am dealing with and not stacks and stacks of college stress
thank you to all of you who make me feel safe
June 10, 2025 at 6:37 PM
thank you to all of you who make me feel safe
if i ever get away from here i will abandon them. i will abandon them all. there is only one person i will keep in contact from this place and the rest can go all to hell. you made breathing a fucking torture for me
June 10, 2025 at 6:35 PM
if i ever get away from here i will abandon them. i will abandon them all. there is only one person i will keep in contact from this place and the rest can go all to hell. you made breathing a fucking torture for me
day by day it gets harder to live in here. i feel like my family is constantly getting closer and closer to finding out im trans. and my mom is sharing random shit and personal problems our family has with random ass people and asking for advice. i have never felt this much anger or fear before
June 10, 2025 at 6:32 PM
day by day it gets harder to live in here. i feel like my family is constantly getting closer and closer to finding out im trans. and my mom is sharing random shit and personal problems our family has with random ass people and asking for advice. i have never felt this much anger or fear before
sometimes i want someone to get me drunk and convince me to kill myself. to make it all easier
June 1, 2025 at 12:34 AM
sometimes i want someone to get me drunk and convince me to kill myself. to make it all easier
lately i have learned some things about my family and i dont even have the strength to talk about it. i wish i could just get out of here. i dont know how i would do it. i dont care if its through moving to the us or killing myself anymore
i dont know if any of you really read this account anymore but if you do please help me
April 29, 2025 at 6:25 PM
lately i have learned some things about my family and i dont even have the strength to talk about it. i wish i could just get out of here. i dont know how i would do it. i dont care if its through moving to the us or killing myself anymore
i dont know if any of you really read this account anymore but if you do please help me
April 29, 2025 at 6:21 PM
i dont know if any of you really read this account anymore but if you do please help me
sorry for the sudden spur of posts, i just feel like i needed to get these off my chest. i want to apologize to all of you for feeling paranoid around you
April 19, 2025 at 8:33 PM
sorry for the sudden spur of posts, i just feel like i needed to get these off my chest. i want to apologize to all of you for feeling paranoid around you
the feeling of being paranoid i mean. to a point where i just freeze and wait whenever someone enters the room when im doing anything at all and i cant respond. the mere presence of someone in the home at all time worries me and i feel like im trying to hide a murder each time i breathe in this home
if you ever sense that i am hesitating to speak to you or am just weird to talk to, its because i am anxious and scared. im really, really paranoid of all of that happening again to me and i cant control it. i know it might not make sense but its engraved into me from ever since i was a child
April 19, 2025 at 8:31 PM
the feeling of being paranoid i mean. to a point where i just freeze and wait whenever someone enters the room when im doing anything at all and i cant respond. the mere presence of someone in the home at all time worries me and i feel like im trying to hide a murder each time i breathe in this home
if you ever sense that i am hesitating to speak to you or am just weird to talk to, its because i am anxious and scared. im really, really paranoid of all of that happening again to me and i cant control it. i know it might not make sense but its engraved into me from ever since i was a child
April 19, 2025 at 8:30 PM
if you ever sense that i am hesitating to speak to you or am just weird to talk to, its because i am anxious and scared. im really, really paranoid of all of that happening again to me and i cant control it. i know it might not make sense but its engraved into me from ever since i was a child
every day my mind goes to tons and tons of scenarios where everyone abandons me. i dont want to be left alone again. i dont want to go back to square one and carve out an entirely new social life again. i know this is unrealistic, i know my friends like me but i have had this happen too many times
April 19, 2025 at 8:26 PM
every day my mind goes to tons and tons of scenarios where everyone abandons me. i dont want to be left alone again. i dont want to go back to square one and carve out an entirely new social life again. i know this is unrealistic, i know my friends like me but i have had this happen too many times
i dont think that i have burdened myself with responsibilites that i cannot possibly fulfill. i can make music, i am decently confident in it and i like making it for other people. i just feel like by doing this i will just get more and more people away from myself, make myself lonelier somehow
April 19, 2025 at 8:24 PM
i dont think that i have burdened myself with responsibilites that i cannot possibly fulfill. i can make music, i am decently confident in it and i like making it for other people. i just feel like by doing this i will just get more and more people away from myself, make myself lonelier somehow
i have had some of the most important moments of my life yesterday and i could only be happy for an hour. i felt like the things i had done finally mattered to me, i felt proud of myself for all of it. and now i just dont feel it at all. i feel worse than i was before.
April 19, 2025 at 8:22 PM
i have had some of the most important moments of my life yesterday and i could only be happy for an hour. i felt like the things i had done finally mattered to me, i felt proud of myself for all of it. and now i just dont feel it at all. i feel worse than i was before.
feeling like regardless of how much i achieve im always going to end up on the same place. i just want to feel something for more than 20 seconds, i just want to feel happy that i have come this far and not feel the dread knowing that there is always a probability of me severely fucking up always
April 19, 2025 at 8:20 PM
feeling like regardless of how much i achieve im always going to end up on the same place. i just want to feel something for more than 20 seconds, i just want to feel happy that i have come this far and not feel the dread knowing that there is always a probability of me severely fucking up always
i wonder if i am aro sometimes. not ace but just aro
March 13, 2025 at 2:15 AM
i wonder if i am aro sometimes. not ace but just aro
i guess i just need to trust fucking no one at this point
getting called transphobic and homophobic slurs with the intent of harming me today was not something i was expecting. especially since it was from someone i used to trust a lot. i feel just downright awful
March 12, 2025 at 6:47 PM
i guess i just need to trust fucking no one at this point
getting called transphobic and homophobic slurs with the intent of harming me today was not something i was expecting. especially since it was from someone i used to trust a lot. i feel just downright awful
March 12, 2025 at 6:46 PM
getting called transphobic and homophobic slurs with the intent of harming me today was not something i was expecting. especially since it was from someone i used to trust a lot. i feel just downright awful
empty cup cannot pour
March 12, 2025 at 6:12 PM
empty cup cannot pour
sometimes i can tell when people lie to me but i dont want to confront them about it so i just let it slide
March 12, 2025 at 11:53 AM
sometimes i can tell when people lie to me but i dont want to confront them about it so i just let it slide
im extremely anxious about contributing to some projects that i take roles in sometimes
March 9, 2025 at 7:07 PM
im extremely anxious about contributing to some projects that i take roles in sometimes
im feeling slighlty better now
March 6, 2025 at 9:47 AM
im feeling slighlty better now
i dont deserve any of my friends
March 4, 2025 at 7:23 PM
i dont deserve any of my friends