Daniel Cohen
dcohen.bsky.social
Daniel Cohen
@dcohen.bsky.social
Garbage plate apologist.
(i'm sure columbus has nice things going for it, but your idiot doctors who thought my sober ass was going through alcohol withdrawal when i had BLOOD POISONING can get turbo-fucked now and forever.)
September 17, 2023 at 1:11 AM
i'm not going to take a selfie because i split my forehead open this morning (fell asleep sitting up, hit corner of desk, looks worse than it is) but i'm somehow back in columbus oh, where i almost died in a shitty hospital last summer.

fuck you, columbus! still alive!
September 17, 2023 at 1:09 AM
shout out to the post for publishing the funniest possible jimmy buffett tribute piece, live from the margaritaville hotel in times square
September 5, 2023 at 5:00 PM
you know, just in case you survive burning man and decide you'd rather freeze to death while "primitive forest camping" in lafayette ny
four (4) sets of Twiddle
September 3, 2023 at 1:20 AM
four (4) sets of Twiddle
September 3, 2023 at 1:18 AM
nebraska athletics surfed that wave of success for a full 26 hours, respect
September 1, 2023 at 3:35 AM
"37 percent were concerned that vaccines could cause “cognitive issues” in dogs and may lead them to develop autism."

have these people ever fucking MET a dog
Majority of US dog owners now skeptical of vaccines, including for rabies: study
A new study found that dog owners in the U.S. are growing more skeptical of vaccinating their four-legged friends — including to help prevent rabies. The study, published Saturday in the medical jo�...
thehill.com
August 30, 2023 at 10:30 PM
hello from the new york state fair, where i just witnessed a pink-haired teen in a battle jacket that read PURE HELL arguing with her parents about how much fried dough to buy
August 28, 2023 at 11:52 PM
why does this dude insist on calling it "the work" like he's a member of dipset
I am almost never at a loss for words, but I---
August 17, 2023 at 8:27 PM
August 17, 2023 at 3:04 PM
real heads know that this is 79 cents worth of pure happiness
August 9, 2023 at 9:47 PM
(and yet, thanks to that "mma rules" debacle, not even close to the worst thing on that lame show)
August 6, 2023 at 4:16 AM
does jey uso not have any friends? could he not have been sitting there in the babyface locker room going "hey my brother and my other brother are probably going to fuck me in this match, ask me how i know"? just awful, predictable, contrived horseshit
August 6, 2023 at 4:16 AM
Being 40 means that I was the exact right age to love Pee-Wee Herman, and not old enough to really understand the controversy around his arrest at all. Growing up and learning more, I rooted for the guy every chance I got. One of the all-time great comic actors. RIP.
July 31, 2023 at 6:11 PM
The only thing that could have possibly topped that match was Derrick Lewis' interview. "I just thought I'd throw some bullshit and see if it lands." All-time classic.
July 30, 2023 at 3:25 AM
one fun thing about the SAC-era mets is that they combine the worst aspects of baseball with the worst aspects of hedge funds, and yet it's still better than the wilpon-era mets
July 29, 2023 at 9:57 PM
July 26, 2023 at 10:31 PM
Reposted by Daniel Cohen
For months I've waited for my story to be public. Today, my attorneys filed a Rule 41(g) demanding the return of everything seized. I'm grateful for their weeks of hard work (for which, of course, I will be paying for a long time).

So read it, please! https://timburkelegalfund.org/MOTION.pdf
July 21, 2023 at 11:12 PM
wonderful detail from the SLAMBALL wikipedia page
July 22, 2023 at 12:50 AM
fuck TylerRiggs, all my homies love Tyler-Riggs
July 21, 2023 at 10:36 PM
also, as an actual swear-to-god disabled person, nothing boils my oxygen-starved blood more than the weaponization of disability as a rhetorical cudgel.

real ableism is systemic, passive, pervasive, thoughtless. it's not "people on the internet calling me on my shit." ask me how i know!
July 21, 2023 at 8:16 PM
listen up losers NFTs are about FUN and COMMUNITY and ART

and also i paid $73,000 for this gif of brent barry winning the 1996 slam dunk contest but it's a blue diamond platinum edition so it'll definitely hold value for years to come
July 21, 2023 at 6:38 PM
*wife sees visa charge for MATUREPUMPERS.COM*

haha honey i can explain! the internet told me that my support didn't count as praxis unless i gave them money. besides - these are MATURE pumpers!
July 20, 2023 at 11:55 AM
one thing about twitter is that there's absolutely no way of knowing whether cheech and chong's gummies are now 100% legal
July 15, 2023 at 5:07 PM
i will never give up my paper new yorker subscription, purely because i notice shit like this letter that i would never bother to read if i went digital-only
July 13, 2023 at 3:05 AM