Darth Jake Sullivan (Parody)
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darthjakesullivan.bsky.social
Darth Jake Sullivan (Parody)
@darthjakesullivan.bsky.social
Parody. National Security Apparatchik to POTUS. Creative Thinker. Persuader. Voted “Most Likely To Succeed” in High School. Definitely didn’t write my own Wikipedia page.

I am national security.
Thank you for highlighting the level of analysis that goes into my thinking. As the winner of the Alpheus Henry Snow Prize at Yale, you can rest assured I know what I’m doing.

I stand with Ukraine as long as it takes, even to flail.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 3:07 AM
Thank you for listening to my brave conversation. Yes, this impacts our foreign policy.

Did you know that I was voted most likely to succeed by my peers in high school? I was also a Coca-Coca scholar.

If you don’t believe me, it’s on my Wikipedia page, which I definitely didn’t write.
January 26, 2024 at 3:02 AM
This is not true. Ayatollah Khomenei of Iran, with whom I negotiated a nuclear deal, is more reliable than North Korea.
January 26, 2024 at 2:52 AM
I will never let this happen. I alone can prevent nuclear war.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:51 AM
I understand that the People’s Republic of China wants to invade Taiwan, as is their right. We must seek to create dialogue between both parties to avoid a conflict in Singapore.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:51 AM
I understand that the People’s Republic of China wants to invade Taiwan, as is their right. We must seek to create dialogue between both parties to avoid a conflict in Singapore.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:50 AM
This was my idea, and it was a good one. Building bridges with our enemies keeps the United States safe.

I’m sure my partner, Ayatollah Khomenei, believed what I told him. We go back a long way.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:49 AM
The United States stands with Ukraine as long as it takes. I am outraged by Russia’s attack on innocent civilians.

I’m proud to have supplied Patriot missile systems to defend Ukraine. However, this type of language will escalate to nuclear war.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:46 AM
Working with our allies in Israel, the UAE, Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Qatar, and Russia, the relationship between the West Bank and Israel is at its most stable in years.

Diplomacy works.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:45 AM
This is escalatory and may lead to a nuclear naval war. Hvartska must stop provoking Russia.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:43 AM
Sending exactly 21 short-range ATACMS to Ukraine didn’t escalate things with russia. Has Germany considered sending one Taurus?

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:42 AM
The United States has to choose what is necessary and what is nice to have on the Ukrainian battlefield.

I quickly — within 18 months — advised President Biden to transfer 21 ATACMS missiles to Ukraine, preventing nuclear war.

I am national security.
January 26, 2024 at 2:40 AM