darkwise
@darkwise.bsky.social
Pinned
darkwise
@darkwise.bsky.social
· May 19
Just once, when a girl scout knocks, I want to open the door dressed as the Cookie Monster and go fucking nuts.
Secret handshakes are more enjoyable in the nude.
November 20, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Secret handshakes are more enjoyable in the nude.
Met a new girl at the grocery store.
*clicks Add to Cart
*clicks Add to Cart
November 20, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Met a new girl at the grocery store.
*clicks Add to Cart
*clicks Add to Cart
Double-jointed rules get bent the most often.
November 20, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Double-jointed rules get bent the most often.
I jogged my memory so hard that its running shoes fell off.
November 20, 2025 at 7:11 PM
I jogged my memory so hard that its running shoes fell off.
The cafeteria erupted in flying trays and shrieks. He ducked, heart pounding, breath shallow. Mashed potatoes hit his chest like wet cement. Faces blurred, laughter twisted. He clawed at his throat, sinking to the floor as gravy pooled around him like blood.
November 20, 2025 at 1:51 AM
The cafeteria erupted in flying trays and shrieks. He ducked, heart pounding, breath shallow. Mashed potatoes hit his chest like wet cement. Faces blurred, laughter twisted. He clawed at his throat, sinking to the floor as gravy pooled around him like blood.
She met him at closing time, all charm and shadow. His touch was electric, his kiss tasted of copper. In bed, he whispered her name like a prayer. By morning, the bed was empty except for her skin, folded neatly where he had left it.
November 18, 2025 at 4:56 PM
She met him at closing time, all charm and shadow. His touch was electric, his kiss tasted of copper. In bed, he whispered her name like a prayer. By morning, the bed was empty except for her skin, folded neatly where he had left it.
Dyslexics always fear the clam before the storm.
November 17, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Dyslexics always fear the clam before the storm.
I clicked the END button on my keyboard, but I am still here, maybe more alive than ever before.
November 17, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I clicked the END button on my keyboard, but I am still here, maybe more alive than ever before.
Not saying that she is cheating on her diet, but I did catch her putting butter on her popcorn ceiling.
November 17, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Not saying that she is cheating on her diet, but I did catch her putting butter on her popcorn ceiling.
He sang in the park, arms wide, voice syrupy sweet. Children ran to him. Parents smiled. Then came the hugs. Bones cracked like twigs. The song never stopped. It rewrote memories, erased names. By sunset, the town clapped along. No one remembered yesterday.
November 17, 2025 at 3:41 PM
He sang in the park, arms wide, voice syrupy sweet. Children ran to him. Parents smiled. Then came the hugs. Bones cracked like twigs. The song never stopped. It rewrote memories, erased names. By sunset, the town clapped along. No one remembered yesterday.
Every time you smile, an angel gets his wings... and a limp, and maybe some child support.
November 16, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Every time you smile, an angel gets his wings... and a limp, and maybe some child support.
We are all just unread books sitting on God's dusty shelves.
November 16, 2025 at 5:10 PM
We are all just unread books sitting on God's dusty shelves.
Good news: You are the author of your own story
Bad news: You wrote a pop-up book
Bad news: You wrote a pop-up book
November 16, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Good news: You are the author of your own story
Bad news: You wrote a pop-up book
Bad news: You wrote a pop-up book
Some bodies are temples.
Others are Dollar Generals.
Others are Dollar Generals.
November 16, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Some bodies are temples.
Others are Dollar Generals.
Others are Dollar Generals.
I'd like a stunt double... with extra cheese.
November 16, 2025 at 3:58 PM
I'd like a stunt double... with extra cheese.
I noticed a hole in my athletic sock, so I put it on injured reserve.
November 16, 2025 at 3:56 PM
I noticed a hole in my athletic sock, so I put it on injured reserve.
Welcome to the Department of Corrections. Mind, body, soul. All subject to audit. One man arrived with anxiety. Left with a new spine and someone else's memories. Another came for weight loss. Left with hollow bones and a craving for emptiness. The waiting room was eternal.
November 15, 2025 at 3:58 PM
Welcome to the Department of Corrections. Mind, body, soul. All subject to audit. One man arrived with anxiety. Left with a new spine and someone else's memories. Another came for weight loss. Left with hollow bones and a craving for emptiness. The waiting room was eternal.
I am sending your general appearance to the department of corrections.
November 15, 2025 at 3:55 PM
I am sending your general appearance to the department of corrections.
I installed a spam filter for my actual life, and work immediately disappeared.
November 14, 2025 at 4:01 PM
I installed a spam filter for my actual life, and work immediately disappeared.
Find yourself an artist who really sees you for who you are.
November 14, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Find yourself an artist who really sees you for who you are.
670,000 furloughed workers returned. The coffee was moldy. The inboxes had grown teeth. One man opened a memo and aged ten years. The printer demanded tribute. By noon, HR was a scarecrow in a blazer, stapled to the wall. The government was back. Sort of.
November 14, 2025 at 2:24 PM
670,000 furloughed workers returned. The coffee was moldy. The inboxes had grown teeth. One man opened a memo and aged ten years. The printer demanded tribute. By noon, HR was a scarecrow in a blazer, stapled to the wall. The government was back. Sort of.
Don't forget to send me post cards from the afterlife.
November 14, 2025 at 2:46 AM
Don't forget to send me post cards from the afterlife.
People who are devils are the real devils.
November 14, 2025 at 1:05 AM
People who are devils are the real devils.
Girls that put their legs behind their own heads are fun.
Girls that put their legs behind your heads should be cherished.
Girls that put their legs behind your heads should be cherished.
November 14, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Girls that put their legs behind their own heads are fun.
Girls that put their legs behind your heads should be cherished.
Girls that put their legs behind your heads should be cherished.
I'll never be took old to speak to animals in their own tongues.
November 13, 2025 at 4:03 PM
I'll never be took old to speak to animals in their own tongues.