We're like five days away from Congressional Republicans dismissing the plunging stock market as "woke."

Kendrick please bless us with an entire diss album directed at white comedian podcasters. End our national suffering.

Frog and Toad vs Bert and Ernie. PG-13 with an R rated director's cut. 300 million dollar budget. Greenlight it.

BREAKING! Donald Trump has appointed the moon from Majora's Mask as his new Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Matt Gaetz has dropped out of the Attorney General nomination to pursue his dream job of managing a Chuck E Cheese.

her: do that thing I like

me: buys cheese

If Donald Trump had been a guest on Space Ghost Coast to Coast he'd never have gotten this far.

Nothing is more romantic than lighting some candles for your date, laying on a bed of roses, and playing "Your Song" by Elton John for her with your tuba.

Currently getting a back tattoo of the Last Supper except all the disciples are Funky Kong and Jesus is also Funky Kong except he is about 6 inches taller than everyone else and is giving a big thumbs up.

This new Call of Duty is historically inaccurate because the game takes place in 1991 and yet not one single character is wearing a t-shirt of Homer strangling Bart Simpson.

I have obtained leaked X-Rays of Robert F. Kennedy Jr's brain.

We are like a week from Trump appointing the CEO of Gatorade as the head of Agriculture.