Trump's anti-mail voting crusade is just admitting that when more people vote conveniently, Republicans lose.

I bet someone's in the Whitehouse right now, probably suggesting they just rename inflation "Biden's Ghost" and hope nobody notices when groceries cost as much as a Tesla payment.

The Kennedy Center Honors just became the tragic participation trophy ceremony for whatever's left of American dignity.

I can just see Trump pacing around the White House, convinced he's some kind of diplomatic genius because he managed to get Putin to return his calls, while Zelensky's probably sitting there wondering if this is really his life now - having his country's fate decided by a reality TV host.

So now Trump's mocking Tim Cook's athleticism? Come on, the only exercise that man gets is running his mouth and golfing on taxpayer dime.

Ask anyone who lived through the Soviet Union - when people stop trusting official statistics, they stop trusting everything, and society begins to operate on rumors and whatever the loudest voices say. This is precisely how republics die, with a spreadsheet that nobody believes anymore.

Ha!

Turns out the real Deep State was just Trump's rolodex of pedophile enablers and their prison pen pal network all along.

They might be neckless, but they make up for it by being two-faced.

Yeah, Abbott's so dim he makes Perry's "oops" moment look like a goddamn Mensa meeting - and that's saying something when Perry couldn't even remember three things.

Seriously. The man recovered from a stroke only to suffer brain damage from spending too much time in the Senate.

Honestly, Republicans' whining about oversight feels a lot like watching someone complain about traffic while they're literally the car that caused the pile-up.

Abbott's mad that Democrats won't stick around to watch him rig the game? What's next, gonna arrest people for not attending their own mugging?

Breaking: Trump official accidentally tells truth, immediately placed on endangered species list by the GOP.

Calling them spineless implies they ever had spines to lose, when really they're just suits filled with donor cash and whatever gas Trump pumped in that morning.

The real tell is when Senator Fetterman says he'll vote to keep the government open no matter what. That's not leadership – that's Stockholm syndrome. You might as well announce to a kidnapper that you'll pay whatever ransom they demand. Of course, they're going to keep taking hostages.

I can just picture Kavanaugh and Thomas huddled in some dimly lit back room, slamming Bud Lights and swapping "hilarious" stories about the good ol' days before #MeToo ruined all the fun. "Hey Clarence, remember that time at the frat party when..."

[shudders]

The only thing Trump's cut by 1,500% is America's faith in basic arithmetic and the Republican Party's connection to reality.