Eeeeee thankies!!
I love it when gorgeous women call me beautiful 🥰💕😘

And it’s fucking hard.

It’s hard not to get talked over, ignored, etc and not just shut down like I always did.

And I get so angry with myself for letting it happen.

So I get vigilant and reactive. I snap at her the next time it happens.

Then I have to talk about it with a now triggered momma.

Healing generational trauma is two-fold:

You heal the harm that was done to you by abusive/neglectful caregivers-

AND you learn the skills that they failed to model for you when you were a kid.

And when you finally reach a good place, you can see where you came from and feel good and overwhelmed.

And she’s done some work, but it’s acceptance and being able to talk about her past, not processing and moving past it. It keeps coming out unfiltered and inappropriately.

And my work has been not being the emotional dumping ground/filter of people around me AND learning a filter for what I say.

I’m an adult child of an alcoholic. I’m used to being the emotional co-regulator for her. It’s how I was raised-

She talks about her traumas, her friends’ traumas, etc to me and I had to listen and comfort her.

Also, if my needs/pain were her shortcoming, she would shut down or collapse. I’d lose.

When we ask “why are students doing this to themselves?”

Maybe we forget how shitty college was, the job market is, jobs are.

That critique often feels closer to generation shit talking than coming from genuine concern.

“Why are any of us doing this?”(gestures at the death machine we punch in at)

I’m deeply concerned about the effects AI is having on young minds’ ability to collect and synthesize information and perspectives-

But I think we’ll find that we all toil under capitalism- that automation, liberation from labor as only value, has often been the driving force of computing.

I graduated from undergrad 13 years ago and I’m still asked what my GPA was on job applications.

It was terrible. I wasn’t a good student in that system and it’s reflected in that number.

I went to grad school because I needed a number that reflected my efficacy as a matured adult, not a kid.

The pain of transitioning in a transphobic culture, contentious divorce, and moving across the world-

All softened by having my baby with me.
And now she’s gone.
I fucking hate this.
I miss her so much I could scream.

Thank you so much 🥰💕