CSHLaboratory
@cshlaboratory.bsky.social
Science News from Cold Spring Horrors Laboratory, where our science goes to eleven! Parody of science and it's horrors. Lobster stan.
Pinned
CSHLaboratory
@cshlaboratory.bsky.social
· Nov 17
Welcome to our new followers! Stay for excellent professional development tips, inspirational quotes, high-impact factor science, and of course FREE lobsters!
Reposted by CSHLaboratory
DEAR LEADER LIVES!!!
November 9, 2025 at 9:42 PM
DEAR LEADER LIVES!!!
Reposted by CSHLaboratory
FREE LOBSTERS 4 EVAH!!!
November 9, 2025 at 9:43 PM
FREE LOBSTERS 4 EVAH!!!
DEAR LEADER LIVES!!!
November 9, 2025 at 9:42 PM
DEAR LEADER LIVES!!!
Attention, our Dear Leader has taken a Lab Leak. Please send a cleaning crew to Room 420, ASAP.
April 20, 2025 at 2:31 AM
Attention, our Dear Leader has taken a Lab Leak. Please send a cleaning crew to Room 420, ASAP.
We're back! I've been on sabbatical for the last 6 months, what did I miss?
April 20, 2025 at 2:24 AM
We're back! I've been on sabbatical for the last 6 months, what did I miss?
We are excited to announce that our premier scientific journal eCSHLJ has been given a new impact factor for 2025. Our new impact factor is: 956! To celebrate we will be lowering our per-publication fee to only $45,000, through the end of the month! Article submission fees will remain at $7500.
January 8, 2025 at 4:22 PM
We are excited to announce that our premier scientific journal eCSHLJ has been given a new impact factor for 2025. Our new impact factor is: 956! To celebrate we will be lowering our per-publication fee to only $45,000, through the end of the month! Article submission fees will remain at $7500.
Today we're excited to unveil our newest statue of Dear Leader, a true Science Pioneer & fundraising genius! We thank all the graduate students that graciously contributed their "thesis defense fees" and postdocs who volunteered 17% of their salary (tithe+) to the cost of commissioning the statue!
January 2, 2025 at 2:21 PM
Today we're excited to unveil our newest statue of Dear Leader, a true Science Pioneer & fundraising genius! We thank all the graduate students that graciously contributed their "thesis defense fees" and postdocs who volunteered 17% of their salary (tithe+) to the cost of commissioning the statue!
New for 2025! Our gift shop will now sell our famous and delicious "Salt of the Science", made from authentic postdoc tears! Come get yours before we run out!
December 30, 2024 at 10:28 PM
New for 2025! Our gift shop will now sell our famous and delicious "Salt of the Science", made from authentic postdoc tears! Come get yours before we run out!
False. We only allow pictures of people with beards.
December 30, 2024 at 10:26 PM
False. We only allow pictures of people with beards.
Our new Department of Efficiency will ensure our federal funding is utilized to its maximum potential. As such, we will be closing our student/postdoc cafeteria to discourage long lunch breaks and turn it into a long-awaited 5-star faculty lounge, to maximize our faculty's "intellectual time".
November 17, 2024 at 1:46 AM
Our new Department of Efficiency will ensure our federal funding is utilized to its maximum potential. As such, we will be closing our student/postdoc cafeteria to discourage long lunch breaks and turn it into a long-awaited 5-star faculty lounge, to maximize our faculty's "intellectual time".
Welcome to our new followers! Stay for excellent professional development tips, inspirational quotes, high-impact factor science, and of course FREE lobsters!
November 17, 2024 at 1:41 AM
Welcome to our new followers! Stay for excellent professional development tips, inspirational quotes, high-impact factor science, and of course FREE lobsters!
It’s almost February, which means it’s time for our annual Tenure Games (aka Tenure Madness)! Watch ten junior faculty outwit, outsmart and outperform each other for the coveted Tenure Prize! There can only be One!
January 31, 2024 at 3:43 AM
It’s almost February, which means it’s time for our annual Tenure Games (aka Tenure Madness)! Watch ten junior faculty outwit, outsmart and outperform each other for the coveted Tenure Prize! There can only be One!
“Any underperforming graduate students will be fed to the lobsters.” We stand by this and will not agree to any contract with the “student yachtworkers” union unless this provision remains.
December 13, 2023 at 1:27 PM
“Any underperforming graduate students will be fed to the lobsters.” We stand by this and will not agree to any contract with the “student yachtworkers” union unless this provision remains.
Now available in our gift shop!
Finding one old "Lady in bed with a giant lobster" postcard image was weird; when it turned out to be a whole genre, I had questions. Preliminary Googling suggests "lobster" was old-timey slang for a older rich guy who wanted a hot young thang. I guess I still have questions.
December 13, 2023 at 1:22 PM
Now available in our gift shop!
Please note that we will be raising the on campus bathroom fee to $8 per-use. This encourages productivity in labs and helps keep CSHLaboratory clean! Thank you for your understanding.
November 27, 2023 at 11:11 PM
Please note that we will be raising the on campus bathroom fee to $8 per-use. This encourages productivity in labs and helps keep CSHLaboratory clean! Thank you for your understanding.
We ask all visitors to CSHLaboratory to please refrain from feeding the grad students, they are feral creatures and they can bite!
November 27, 2023 at 11:10 PM
We ask all visitors to CSHLaboratory to please refrain from feeding the grad students, they are feral creatures and they can bite!
FREE LOBSTERS EVERYONE!!! FREE LOBSTERS!!!
November 27, 2023 at 7:09 PM
FREE LOBSTERS EVERYONE!!! FREE LOBSTERS!!!