Lord Cruise of Fail
@cruisingfail.bsky.social
#comedy account of messages I've received on various gay apps. All should be #SafeForWork unless you count bad words.
People ask if I make these up and I just don’t think I can come up with this nonsense
January 22, 2026 at 8:09 PM
People ask if I make these up and I just don’t think I can come up with this nonsense
So also it says he was 5,600km away. Dubai is minimum 11,000 km away, so no face, weird opening, no profile and spoofed location I’m going to pass
December 15, 2025 at 11:39 AM
So also it says he was 5,600km away. Dubai is minimum 11,000 km away, so no face, weird opening, no profile and spoofed location I’m going to pass
I should start charging for erotica … I’d make a mint
December 14, 2025 at 10:14 AM
I should start charging for erotica … I’d make a mint
You know not all the messages I get are vile this was sweet … or at least my version of sweet
December 14, 2025 at 10:10 AM
You know not all the messages I get are vile this was sweet … or at least my version of sweet
Love when people assume they can call me “boy” cause that’s their fantasy… not mine tho
December 14, 2025 at 10:10 AM
Love when people assume they can call me “boy” cause that’s their fantasy… not mine tho
“Mmmmmm” is creepy right? I’m not alone here am I ?
November 28, 2025 at 12:48 PM
“Mmmmmm” is creepy right? I’m not alone here am I ?
Dickface isn’t a statement of fact
November 28, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Dickface isn’t a statement of fact
- no, I won’t be answering questions found on my profile
- no, I didn’t think a 64 year old looked 30 nor is 30 too young for me, or 64 too old, but a 64 year old saying they are 30 they are too young for me
- no, I didn’t think a 64 year old looked 30 nor is 30 too young for me, or 64 too old, but a 64 year old saying they are 30 they are too young for me
November 28, 2025 at 12:47 PM
- no, I won’t be answering questions found on my profile
- no, I didn’t think a 64 year old looked 30 nor is 30 too young for me, or 64 too old, but a 64 year old saying they are 30 they are too young for me
- no, I didn’t think a 64 year old looked 30 nor is 30 too young for me, or 64 too old, but a 64 year old saying they are 30 they are too young for me
I just love junk shots *shudder*
November 24, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I just love junk shots *shudder*
“Mmmmmm” just sounds so creepy
November 24, 2025 at 1:12 PM
“Mmmmmm” just sounds so creepy
What we need is a homo-menomenom
October 6, 2025 at 9:10 AM
What we need is a homo-menomenom
Typos are rough everywhere
September 20, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Typos are rough everywhere
Really gotta start proof reading
“That gets” not “that’s”
“That gets” not “that’s”
September 7, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Really gotta start proof reading
“That gets” not “that’s”
“That gets” not “that’s”
So spelling it “Sxc” does give me the ick
September 2, 2025 at 10:51 PM
So spelling it “Sxc” does give me the ick
Sending “!?” Will not now nor ever endear me to someone
August 17, 2025 at 9:37 AM
Sending “!?” Will not now nor ever endear me to someone
Do not confused “kidding” with “trying something and it not going to plan”
July 25, 2025 at 10:13 AM
Do not confused “kidding” with “trying something and it not going to plan”
Remember soft tones on people that write messages like serial killers. Translated, the message was quite benign, but had 3 typos, all caps, and was in german despite it saying no where on my profile that I could speak german (and I can’t), oh and punctuation. From. Hell
July 10, 2025 at 8:50 AM
Remember soft tones on people that write messages like serial killers. Translated, the message was quite benign, but had 3 typos, all caps, and was in german despite it saying no where on my profile that I could speak german (and I can’t), oh and punctuation. From. Hell
It’s the simple greetings I miss LOL
June 30, 2025 at 12:05 PM
It’s the simple greetings I miss LOL
Thanks for telling me what you’re looking for… we’ll keep you on file. *scrunches up application*
June 23, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Thanks for telling me what you’re looking for… we’ll keep you on file. *scrunches up application*
Let me just say this once:
6:30am Fenn is not the one with whom you f**k
6:30am Fenn is not the one with whom you f**k
April 21, 2025 at 10:32 AM
Let me just say this once:
6:30am Fenn is not the one with whom you f**k
6:30am Fenn is not the one with whom you f**k
Just tell me that you love me so just tell me that you care … actually don’t tell me that you’re a stranger and I don’t know you
![Setting: scruff chat screen
Them: “Hello
How are you”
Me: “ hi I’m good thanks but you are very far”
Them: “Yes darling we are far apart even though I am close I love you very much” [sic]
Me: “What a very odd counter, considering you don’t know me. Have a good day, but I’ll be terminating this conversation here“](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:pob2sd5unjtqgkivoxydhiyg/bafkreif5wybwim2tozw47xfwd7nc3qn2lo676l6vfu32juw3yq4fgc5sne@jpeg)
April 14, 2025 at 7:58 AM
Just tell me that you love me so just tell me that you care … actually don’t tell me that you’re a stranger and I don’t know you
I find if you ask a person who messages you really early in the morning looking for sex with a bunch of typos if they are “parTying” they’ll usually say yes.
![Setting: scruff chat screen
Them: “How hung ru” [sic]
Them: “Are you a raw top” [sic]
Me: “let me guess you are parTying and looming for tops to breed you?”
Them: “sure and u”
Me: “nah, (I) don’t play with people on meth”](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:pob2sd5unjtqgkivoxydhiyg/bafkreifhplt6in4znw5pi63bc26ih3sq63u4h6dtgcqi54pg5estkkyqwm@jpeg)
April 14, 2025 at 7:53 AM
I find if you ask a person who messages you really early in the morning looking for sex with a bunch of typos if they are “parTying” they’ll usually say yes.
I love people who’s profile name is a flag of their country of origin … but like they are still in that country. They haven’t moved and aren’t travelling. I’m just like… huh . K
April 14, 2025 at 7:37 AM
I love people who’s profile name is a flag of their country of origin … but like they are still in that country. They haven’t moved and aren’t travelling. I’m just like… huh . K
The iPig from apple
April 14, 2025 at 7:35 AM
The iPig from apple
Wait… what country ?
March 15, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Wait… what country ?