(my parents, basically)

boomer lib types, smug in their superiority to boomer fox news watchers, who've made maher's show part of their fri night routine for so long it's become a comfort thing, a security blankie they won't let go of no matter how many times their adult kids point out how he's a creepy prick w/ shit takes

btw, that's what you call 'working'? fuck you. your ex shoulda gotten your cars in the divorce too, then hired a stunt driver to ram each one into a concrete block wall at top speed

"had to"

what an overgrown baby you are, carolla. she 'chose' (w/0 input from you, i'm sure) to manage the home and raise your kids, while you got to keep playing pretend frat boy in hollywood & bitching abt your wife & how hard it is to be a man in this world on podcasts no one pays attention to

(hope this isn't just me wishcasting pls god can it be real this time)

no doubt! i'd probably never venture outside again after that

coulda lived the rest of my life in blissful ignorance of mole crickets. damn it

I advocate for being kind to annoying pests for entirely selfless reasons that have nothing to do with my whole deal and how people generally react to my bullshit

yesssss okra's one of my faves <3

(also partial to farmer types who, from a safe distance ofc, bellow & clap back at their one unruly, stubborn cow)

old, alcoholic, prob divorced man (& his hound mix, duck) visited regularly by a coyote & a raccoon for hot dogs, play(?) biting, beer fetching/thieving & cuddles? content.

man with a drawl giving scritches to his raccoon friend leela (raccoon james' sister) in the backyard at twilight & gossiping, in a gruff but gentle voice, abt an absent raccoon friend who maybe just had babies? fucking content.

guy goes outside to find his corvid buddy & film him saying stuff? content.

posh chap buys grocery store salmon *specifically* to feed to his seagull friend who visits his 2nd flr apt for his daily easy catch meal? content.