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CrimeDad
@crimedad.work
77 followers 110 following 430 posts
Dad, husband, mechanical engineer, aspiring usurper.

Twitter: @fathermcgruder
Mastodon: @fathermcgruder@jorts.horse
Pixelfed: @crimedad@pixelfed.crimedad.work
XMPP: crimedad@crimedad.work
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December 6, 2025 at 4:47 PM
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Just bring back dinosaurs instead.
Photo of an annotated illustration from Dinotopia: The World Beneath featuring the character Lee Crabb under the supervision of a pair of Stygimoloch, as a consequence for his crimes.
November 7, 2025 at 1:09 AM
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Dvorak is DEI.
Screenshot of the Google Android keyboard in Dvorak format.
March 16, 2025 at 3:59 PM
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Screenshot of Amazon search results showing an expensive Sonicare toothbrush and a less expensive Sonicare toothbrush. Daily struggles meme
March 14, 2025 at 2:19 AM
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Finally. #LetsGoHuskies
A view from the bleachers at Madison Square Garden: the players are warming up; UConn vs. Villanova; men's basketball.
March 14, 2025 at 1:58 AM
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Imagine asking for D-Fens to come after you.
Still of Michael Douglas as the main character from Falling Down sitting on a stoop.
February 16, 2025 at 4:42 AM
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Miss you, dad.
Naked tattooed guy riding away on a motorcycle wearing a helmet.
December 21, 2024 at 2:06 PM
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Friday evening. Having a little treat.
A glass of ice water.
May 17, 2024 at 11:42 PM
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Portrait shot of the OP: black shirt, blue LA baseball cap, glasses, mustache, smiling.
March 17, 2024 at 12:07 AM
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Happy Thursday from sunny New Jersey!
A small brown dog rolling on a sunny, green, albeit messy lawn, as seen through a screened window. A patio of grey, hexagonal pavers with a "smokeless" fire pit are seen in the foreground. A kid's play house and garage are in the background.
March 14, 2024 at 5:25 PM
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We're about to fix that hopefully in my house.
Brand new Toto Washlet bidet seat, in its box and wrapped in clear plastic. Paper manuals visible.
March 12, 2024 at 1:34 AM
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How I remotely open a circuit breaker when the panel isn't labeled.
Close up of the round end of a chrome plated 7/8" wrench with a burn mark from where I intentionally shorted a 120VAC circuit in order to trip the breaker. In the out-of-focus background are the tipped over dishwasher and my foot on the old green linoleum kitchen floor.
February 17, 2024 at 1:57 PM
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POV: you just went for a short run on a cold, sunny day. Now you're just standing on your deck for a few moments with your small, brown, scruffy dog, surrounded by white, trampled snow. The orange soles of your running shoes reflect off of it. A blue rolly chest cooler to your right reminds you of warm, fun days to come. Who can say if that's your dick printing a little bit in your gray running shorts?
February 14, 2024 at 6:13 PM
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Get out of my house!
A Christmas tree, evicted, laying on the path through a front yard, at the bottom of a stoop. The perspective of the shot is from the top of the stoop through the doorway. A black station wagon is parked on the road in the background.
January 14, 2024 at 6:08 PM
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"Your mom's a highly sophisticated interlocking brick system."
A still from the scene from The Lego Movie (2014) when Will Ferrell's character explains what Lego is. A still from the scene from Napoleon Dynamite (2004) when Aaron Ruell's character interrupts a sales pitch rudely.
December 2, 2023 at 8:21 PM
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There is no lever. The trolley is controlled by a remote in the hands of a maniacal five year old.
A Lego Christmas themed trolley and village set, with a bunch of Lego dudes laying on the track in the foreground of the shot. The trolley, illuminated green from the power pack inside, and the remote, in the right hand of a child, also with a green light shining, are in the background.
November 29, 2023 at 1:39 AM
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Robert Smith-ass Bambi
A buck in my backyard with what appears to be the black net of a soccer goal tangled in his antlers, looking like a mop of hair.
November 13, 2023 at 12:56 PM
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Inspired by her human anatomy book, my kiddo made a unicorn anatomy book because of course she did!
A young girl works on making a unicorn anatomy book with a similar format to a kid's human anatomy book. The photo is taken above and behind the child as she draws a unicorn's organs in different colors. The human anatomy book is open on the table as a reference. A young girl smiles at the camera, holding up a book she made titled Unicorn Body Book. The cover features a pretty good cutaway view of a unicorn's head with its skull and brain exposed.
November 10, 2023 at 3:16 AM
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Chicken dinner. The cooler weather makes it taste better.
A browned whole chicken in a green dutch oven ready to go in the oven. The other ingredients in the pot are milk, lemon zest, garlic cloves, cinnamon, and sage. Makes the house smell great.
November 8, 2023 at 10:13 PM
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November 5, 2023 at 12:10 AM
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I think she thinks I'm joking.
Screenshot of an exchange in the comments of an Instagram post between myself and a local environmental organization in which I propose the reintroduction of wolves and mountain lions to help keep the deer population in check.
October 1, 2023 at 12:14 PM
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This is a purple finch (I think ) I got recently
September 22, 2023 at 10:33 PM
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In addition to meeting this little guy another fun thing about my flight was the announcement the captain made regarding vaping. He reminded us that it's a federal offence to use a vape device on a US flight and that he would have to report it to US authorities "if we see it … one more time."
A grey Italian greyhound sitting on his owner's lap, who is sitting in the window seat of an airliner. The dog has his front paws on the owner's chest and they are looking at each other sweetly. The dog's ears are folded back. Through the windows are the bright blue sky and the tip of the port side wing.
August 19, 2023 at 12:35 AM
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It did not prevail, but there's a goblin inside of me that really wanted to ask our waitress if she was Samantha.
An entrance to a restaurant with a green lit sign above the door that reads "Samantha's".
August 14, 2023 at 9:33 PM
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Friday night here's my dog. (I'm on the can.)
The photographer's small, brown, scruffy dog, laying on its side on a bath mat on a bathroom floor. The dog's butt faces the camera. The shot is composed so as to show the photographer's point of view from a seated position on the toilet.
August 5, 2023 at 2:20 AM