NI(KU)COMEDY CRACKS
@crackernon.bsky.social
Dark comedy & theatre arts creative director. I twist shadows into punchlines, staging revolutions in laughter with satire that bites harder than truth.
Humor Question:
"If life’s a stage, why are most people still looking for the script?"
script hacked
Humor Question:
"If life’s a stage, why are most people still looking for the script?"
script hacked
I’m not trying to impress you with buzzwords; I’m trying to make your customers laugh, cry, and swipe their cards. That’s the magic mix. Creativity + Data + Hustle. And trust me… in this economy, that’s sexier than six-pack abs.
October 1, 2025 at 8:04 AM
I’m not trying to impress you with buzzwords; I’m trying to make your customers laugh, cry, and swipe their cards. That’s the magic mix. Creativity + Data + Hustle. And trust me… in this economy, that’s sexier than six-pack abs.
Real ones. Ones that stick. Ones that make humans connect with your brand like it’s Wi-Fi at the airport—everybody wants in!
So whether it’s building a campaign or breaking down market trends, I don’t just show up with PowerPoint slides—I show up with power.
So whether it’s building a campaign or breaking down market trends, I don’t just show up with PowerPoint slides—I show up with power.
October 1, 2025 at 8:04 AM
Real ones. Ones that stick. Ones that make humans connect with your brand like it’s Wi-Fi at the airport—everybody wants in!
So whether it’s building a campaign or breaking down market trends, I don’t just show up with PowerPoint slides—I show up with power.
So whether it’s building a campaign or breaking down market trends, I don’t just show up with PowerPoint slides—I show up with power.
Here’s the truth: I don’t call myself an entrepreneur—because everybody’s an entrepreneur these days. You sell socks on Instagram and suddenly you’re ‘changing the world’? Please. I’m not here to sell socks; I’m here to sell strategies.
October 1, 2025 at 8:04 AM
Here’s the truth: I don’t call myself an entrepreneur—because everybody’s an entrepreneur these days. You sell socks on Instagram and suddenly you’re ‘changing the world’? Please. I’m not here to sell socks; I’m here to sell strategies.
And when I’m not building campaigns, I’m trading. Commodities, stocks, indices… yeah, I do it all. Because you can’t call yourself a strategist if you don’t know what’s happening with people’s money. If crypto was the wild west, I was there with a digital cowboy hat saying, ‘Y’all better diversify!’
October 1, 2025 at 8:04 AM
And when I’m not building campaigns, I’m trading. Commodities, stocks, indices… yeah, I do it all. Because you can’t call yourself a strategist if you don’t know what’s happening with people’s money. If crypto was the wild west, I was there with a digital cowboy hat saying, ‘Y’all better diversify!’
Now,here’s the thing: I mix creativity with analytics.That’s like having Picasso paint your billboard… but also having NASA calculate your click-through rate. Brands love that, because half the time they’re stuck between ‘let’s be creative’ and ‘let’s check the numbers.’ I’m like—why not both, baby?
October 1, 2025 at 8:04 AM
Now,here’s the thing: I mix creativity with analytics.That’s like having Picasso paint your billboard… but also having NASA calculate your click-through rate. Brands love that, because half the time they’re stuck between ‘let’s be creative’ and ‘let’s check the numbers.’ I’m like—why not both, baby?
At some point, it’s not even prayer anymore—it’s harassment! God’s looking at the angels like, ‘Yo, block his number. Every time this dude kneels down, I lose another hour of overtime.’
And the punchline? — You ever beg so much, you swear you hear God sigh… ‘Amen, my ass, go get a JOB!’
And the punchline? — You ever beg so much, you swear you hear God sigh… ‘Amen, my ass, go get a JOB!’
September 28, 2025 at 7:00 AM
At some point, it’s not even prayer anymore—it’s harassment! God’s looking at the angels like, ‘Yo, block his number. Every time this dude kneels down, I lose another hour of overtime.’
And the punchline? — You ever beg so much, you swear you hear God sigh… ‘Amen, my ass, go get a JOB!’
And the punchline? — You ever beg so much, you swear you hear God sigh… ‘Amen, my ass, go get a JOB!’
You know it’s bad when you start apologizing mid–prayer: ‘Lord, I’m sorry, I know You busy… You got wars, floods, plagues… and I’m over here begging for rent and WiFi money.’
September 28, 2025 at 7:00 AM
You know it’s bad when you start apologizing mid–prayer: ‘Lord, I’m sorry, I know You busy… You got wars, floods, plagues… and I’m over here begging for rent and WiFi money.’
And God’s up there like, ‘Really? Again? You ain’t even tried nothing? You just gon’ keep copy-pasting the same prayer like it’s your CV?’
September 28, 2025 at 7:00 AM
And God’s up there like, ‘Really? Again? You ain’t even tried nothing? You just gon’ keep copy-pasting the same prayer like it’s your CV?’
11/
Moral of the story: Nature isn’t survival of the fittest—it’s survival of whoever’s willing to look the most ridiculous in the name of love. 🌍🎪
Moral of the story: Nature isn’t survival of the fittest—it’s survival of whoever’s willing to look the most ridiculous in the name of love. 🌍🎪
September 18, 2025 at 7:36 AM
11/
Moral of the story: Nature isn’t survival of the fittest—it’s survival of whoever’s willing to look the most ridiculous in the name of love. 🌍🎪
Moral of the story: Nature isn’t survival of the fittest—it’s survival of whoever’s willing to look the most ridiculous in the name of love. 🌍🎪
9/
And ducks? Ducks are proof evolution sometimes hits “randomize character” on the love simulator. 🦆🚨
10/
So yeah—bats mate upside down. Dolphins stay hard in Antarctica.
Humans? We complain about bad Wi-Fi and call it a dealbreaker. 📶💔
And ducks? Ducks are proof evolution sometimes hits “randomize character” on the love simulator. 🦆🚨
10/
So yeah—bats mate upside down. Dolphins stay hard in Antarctica.
Humans? We complain about bad Wi-Fi and call it a dealbreaker. 📶💔
September 18, 2025 at 7:36 AM
9/
And ducks? Ducks are proof evolution sometimes hits “randomize character” on the love simulator. 🦆🚨
10/
So yeah—bats mate upside down. Dolphins stay hard in Antarctica.
Humans? We complain about bad Wi-Fi and call it a dealbreaker. 📶💔
And ducks? Ducks are proof evolution sometimes hits “randomize character” on the love simulator. 🦆🚨
10/
So yeah—bats mate upside down. Dolphins stay hard in Antarctica.
Humans? We complain about bad Wi-Fi and call it a dealbreaker. 📶💔
7/
Octopuses? Eight arms. No rules. That’s not intimacy, that’s an orgy hosted by Poseidon. 🐙🌊
8/
Giraffes… have you ever seen them? It’s less romance, more Jenga with legs. One wrong angle and it’s a chiropractic emergency. 🦒💥
Octopuses? Eight arms. No rules. That’s not intimacy, that’s an orgy hosted by Poseidon. 🐙🌊
8/
Giraffes… have you ever seen them? It’s less romance, more Jenga with legs. One wrong angle and it’s a chiropractic emergency. 🦒💥
September 18, 2025 at 7:36 AM
7/
Octopuses? Eight arms. No rules. That’s not intimacy, that’s an orgy hosted by Poseidon. 🐙🌊
8/
Giraffes… have you ever seen them? It’s less romance, more Jenga with legs. One wrong angle and it’s a chiropractic emergency. 🦒💥
Octopuses? Eight arms. No rules. That’s not intimacy, that’s an orgy hosted by Poseidon. 🐙🌊
8/
Giraffes… have you ever seen them? It’s less romance, more Jenga with legs. One wrong angle and it’s a chiropractic emergency. 🦒💥
5/
Porcupines… I can’t stop thinking: is it passion, or just a duel where both yell “Don’t move!” 🦔⚔️
6/
Sloths? Their mating season is basically two years of foreplay. Imagine trying to sext on 2G internet. 🦥📶
Porcupines… I can’t stop thinking: is it passion, or just a duel where both yell “Don’t move!” 🦔⚔️
6/
Sloths? Their mating season is basically two years of foreplay. Imagine trying to sext on 2G internet. 🦥📶
September 18, 2025 at 7:36 AM
5/
Porcupines… I can’t stop thinking: is it passion, or just a duel where both yell “Don’t move!” 🦔⚔️
6/
Sloths? Their mating season is basically two years of foreplay. Imagine trying to sext on 2G internet. 🦥📶
Porcupines… I can’t stop thinking: is it passion, or just a duel where both yell “Don’t move!” 🦔⚔️
6/
Sloths? Their mating season is basically two years of foreplay. Imagine trying to sext on 2G internet. 🦥📶
3/
Meanwhile, dolphins out here in sub-zero oceans, managing erections in water that could shrink a steel pipe. 🐬❄️🍆
If that isn’t Olympic-level focus, what is?
4/
Penguins propose with pebbles. Cute, right? Until you realize that’s basically Tinder Super Likes with zero refund policy. 🐧💍
Meanwhile, dolphins out here in sub-zero oceans, managing erections in water that could shrink a steel pipe. 🐬❄️🍆
If that isn’t Olympic-level focus, what is?
4/
Penguins propose with pebbles. Cute, right? Until you realize that’s basically Tinder Super Likes with zero refund policy. 🐧💍
September 18, 2025 at 7:36 AM
3/
Meanwhile, dolphins out here in sub-zero oceans, managing erections in water that could shrink a steel pipe. 🐬❄️🍆
If that isn’t Olympic-level focus, what is?
4/
Penguins propose with pebbles. Cute, right? Until you realize that’s basically Tinder Super Likes with zero refund policy. 🐧💍
Meanwhile, dolphins out here in sub-zero oceans, managing erections in water that could shrink a steel pipe. 🐬❄️🍆
If that isn’t Olympic-level focus, what is?
4/
Penguins propose with pebbles. Cute, right? Until you realize that’s basically Tinder Super Likes with zero refund policy. 🐧💍
Because dope might be ‘mine’ to the cartel—
but the jokes… are ours.”
and to hormones it will be dopamine
but the jokes… are ours.”
and to hormones it will be dopamine
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
Because dope might be ‘mine’ to the cartel—
but the jokes… are ours.”
and to hormones it will be dopamine
but the jokes… are ours.”
and to hormones it will be dopamine
Either way, reality doesn’t care—it’s selling tickets at the door, and you already paid with your sanity.”
🔥 Closing Callback
“So yeah—life’s a harsh truth with no refund.
But as long as the dopamine signal’s strong?
I’ll keep buffering my pain into punchlines.
🔥 Closing Callback
“So yeah—life’s a harsh truth with no refund.
But as long as the dopamine signal’s strong?
I’ll keep buffering my pain into punchlines.
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
Either way, reality doesn’t care—it’s selling tickets at the door, and you already paid with your sanity.”
🔥 Closing Callback
“So yeah—life’s a harsh truth with no refund.
But as long as the dopamine signal’s strong?
I’ll keep buffering my pain into punchlines.
🔥 Closing Callback
“So yeah—life’s a harsh truth with no refund.
But as long as the dopamine signal’s strong?
I’ll keep buffering my pain into punchlines.
You can’t inflate a joke. Well—you can—that’s called a dad joke.”
🎤 Philosophical Punchline
“So here’s the big question:
Are we all just addicts chasing the next punchline?
Or are we sober… and boring as hell?
🎤 Philosophical Punchline
“So here’s the big question:
Are we all just addicts chasing the next punchline?
Or are we sober… and boring as hell?
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
You can’t inflate a joke. Well—you can—that’s called a dad joke.”
🎤 Philosophical Punchline
“So here’s the big question:
Are we all just addicts chasing the next punchline?
Or are we sober… and boring as hell?
🎤 Philosophical Punchline
“So here’s the big question:
Are we all just addicts chasing the next punchline?
Or are we sober… and boring as hell?
‘Take two Kevin Harts and call me in the morning.’
Imagine a doctor prescribing Dave Chappelle. That’s HMO I can trust!”
🎤 Audience Interaction
“Show of hands—who here laughs more when they’re broke?
Yeah, because humor is the only currency that doesn’t devalue.
Imagine a doctor prescribing Dave Chappelle. That’s HMO I can trust!”
🎤 Audience Interaction
“Show of hands—who here laughs more when they’re broke?
Yeah, because humor is the only currency that doesn’t devalue.
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
‘Take two Kevin Harts and call me in the morning.’
Imagine a doctor prescribing Dave Chappelle. That’s HMO I can trust!”
🎤 Audience Interaction
“Show of hands—who here laughs more when they’re broke?
Yeah, because humor is the only currency that doesn’t devalue.
Imagine a doctor prescribing Dave Chappelle. That’s HMO I can trust!”
🎤 Audience Interaction
“Show of hands—who here laughs more when they’re broke?
Yeah, because humor is the only currency that doesn’t devalue.
At least Pablo Escobar built schools, man—what did your hedge fund manager build? Anxiety!”
🎤 Callback – Laughter as Medicine
“They say laughter is the best medicine.
But notice, no pharmacy sells jokes.
Why? Because if Pfizer bottled stand-up comedy, your medical cover would finally make sense.
🎤 Callback – Laughter as Medicine
“They say laughter is the best medicine.
But notice, no pharmacy sells jokes.
Why? Because if Pfizer bottled stand-up comedy, your medical cover would finally make sense.
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
At least Pablo Escobar built schools, man—what did your hedge fund manager build? Anxiety!”
🎤 Callback – Laughter as Medicine
“They say laughter is the best medicine.
But notice, no pharmacy sells jokes.
Why? Because if Pfizer bottled stand-up comedy, your medical cover would finally make sense.
🎤 Callback – Laughter as Medicine
“They say laughter is the best medicine.
But notice, no pharmacy sells jokes.
Why? Because if Pfizer bottled stand-up comedy, your medical cover would finally make sense.
And no customs fees! Unless you count bullets.”
🎤 Economics Flip
“We call it illegal trade.
Wall Street calls it derivatives.
One is a cartel, the other is a… slightly bigger cartel with suits.
And both of them? They don’t pay taxes.
🎤 Economics Flip
“We call it illegal trade.
Wall Street calls it derivatives.
One is a cartel, the other is a… slightly bigger cartel with suits.
And both of them? They don’t pay taxes.
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
And no customs fees! Unless you count bullets.”
🎤 Economics Flip
“We call it illegal trade.
Wall Street calls it derivatives.
One is a cartel, the other is a… slightly bigger cartel with suits.
And both of them? They don’t pay taxes.
🎤 Economics Flip
“We call it illegal trade.
Wall Street calls it derivatives.
One is a cartel, the other is a… slightly bigger cartel with suits.
And both of them? They don’t pay taxes.
And your friend’s like, ‘Are you okay?’
You’re like, ‘Still loading
Drug Lord Wordplay
“Meanwhile, the drug lord is out there like: ‘Dope… are mine.’
Yeah, buddy, we got it—global supply chain management!
Forget DHL, forget FedEx—cocaine moves faster across borders than your Amazon Prime package.
You’re like, ‘Still loading
Drug Lord Wordplay
“Meanwhile, the drug lord is out there like: ‘Dope… are mine.’
Yeah, buddy, we got it—global supply chain management!
Forget DHL, forget FedEx—cocaine moves faster across borders than your Amazon Prime package.
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
And your friend’s like, ‘Are you okay?’
You’re like, ‘Still loading
Drug Lord Wordplay
“Meanwhile, the drug lord is out there like: ‘Dope… are mine.’
Yeah, buddy, we got it—global supply chain management!
Forget DHL, forget FedEx—cocaine moves faster across borders than your Amazon Prime package.
You’re like, ‘Still loading
Drug Lord Wordplay
“Meanwhile, the drug lord is out there like: ‘Dope… are mine.’
Yeah, buddy, we got it—global supply chain management!
Forget DHL, forget FedEx—cocaine moves faster across borders than your Amazon Prime package.
🎤 Dopamine as Wi-Fi
“You ever notice dopamine is just Wi-Fi for the brain?
If the signal’s strong—you’re laughing, you’re vibing, you’re streaming life in HD.
But if the signal’s weak? You’re buffering.
Just sitting there in public, frozen, like a bad Zoom call.
“You ever notice dopamine is just Wi-Fi for the brain?
If the signal’s strong—you’re laughing, you’re vibing, you’re streaming life in HD.
But if the signal’s weak? You’re buffering.
Just sitting there in public, frozen, like a bad Zoom call.
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
🎤 Dopamine as Wi-Fi
“You ever notice dopamine is just Wi-Fi for the brain?
If the signal’s strong—you’re laughing, you’re vibing, you’re streaming life in HD.
But if the signal’s weak? You’re buffering.
Just sitting there in public, frozen, like a bad Zoom call.
“You ever notice dopamine is just Wi-Fi for the brain?
If the signal’s strong—you’re laughing, you’re vibing, you’re streaming life in HD.
But if the signal’s weak? You’re buffering.
Just sitting there in public, frozen, like a bad Zoom call.