NI(KU)COMEDY CRACKS
@crackernon.bsky.social
Dark comedy & theatre arts creative director. I twist shadows into punchlines, staging revolutions in laughter with satire that bites harder than truth.
Humor Question:
"If life’s a stage, why are most people still looking for the script?"
script hacked
Humor Question:
"If life’s a stage, why are most people still looking for the script?"
script hacked
Pinned
When your business stock begins to fall — what’s your backup?
In your current role, in your ongoing journey — what’s your backup plan?
In your current role, in your ongoing journey — what’s your backup plan?
October 14, 2025 at 10:48 AM
When your business stock begins to fall — what’s your backup?
In your current role, in your ongoing journey — what’s your backup plan?
In your current role, in your ongoing journey — what’s your backup plan?
Listen, I’m a Digital Strategist. That means I tell stories for brands… because let’s be honest, most brands couldn’t tell a story if Netflix gave them the password! I got three years in screenwriting, so I know how to make people laugh, cry, and—most importantly—buy!
October 1, 2025 at 8:04 AM
Listen, I’m a Digital Strategist. That means I tell stories for brands… because let’s be honest, most brands couldn’t tell a story if Netflix gave them the password! I got three years in screenwriting, so I know how to make people laugh, cry, and—most importantly—buy!
Man, sometimes you pray so hard, you don’t even feel sorry for yourself anymore—you feel sorry for GOD!
You’re like, ‘Dear Lord, it’s me again… yeah, same problems as yesterday. And last week. And basically my whole life story!’
You’re like, ‘Dear Lord, it’s me again… yeah, same problems as yesterday. And last week. And basically my whole life story!’
September 28, 2025 at 7:00 AM
Man, sometimes you pray so hard, you don’t even feel sorry for yourself anymore—you feel sorry for GOD!
You’re like, ‘Dear Lord, it’s me again… yeah, same problems as yesterday. And last week. And basically my whole life story!’
You’re like, ‘Dear Lord, it’s me again… yeah, same problems as yesterday. And last week. And basically my whole life story!’
🐾 Absurd Science Humor Thread: “Nature’s Love Manual”
1/
Scientists say bats mate upside down.
I say bats invented aerial yoga with benefits. 🦇🧘♂️❤️
2/
Do they worry about blood rushing to their heads? No. They worry about gravity cockblocking their romance.
1/
Scientists say bats mate upside down.
I say bats invented aerial yoga with benefits. 🦇🧘♂️❤️
2/
Do they worry about blood rushing to their heads? No. They worry about gravity cockblocking their romance.
September 18, 2025 at 7:36 AM
🐾 Absurd Science Humor Thread: “Nature’s Love Manual”
1/
Scientists say bats mate upside down.
I say bats invented aerial yoga with benefits. 🦇🧘♂️❤️
2/
Do they worry about blood rushing to their heads? No. They worry about gravity cockblocking their romance.
1/
Scientists say bats mate upside down.
I say bats invented aerial yoga with benefits. 🦇🧘♂️❤️
2/
Do they worry about blood rushing to their heads? No. They worry about gravity cockblocking their romance.
🎤 Opening
“Reality is harsh, man. Reality doesn’t even flirt with you. It just walks up like—‘Here’s the truth, buddy. No lube, no sugar, enjoy!’
And you’re standing there like, ‘Uh… can I at least get a receipt?’
Nope. Reality doesn’t do returns.”
“Reality is harsh, man. Reality doesn’t even flirt with you. It just walks up like—‘Here’s the truth, buddy. No lube, no sugar, enjoy!’
And you’re standing there like, ‘Uh… can I at least get a receipt?’
Nope. Reality doesn’t do returns.”
September 18, 2025 at 7:12 AM
🎤 Opening
“Reality is harsh, man. Reality doesn’t even flirt with you. It just walks up like—‘Here’s the truth, buddy. No lube, no sugar, enjoy!’
And you’re standing there like, ‘Uh… can I at least get a receipt?’
Nope. Reality doesn’t do returns.”
“Reality is harsh, man. Reality doesn’t even flirt with you. It just walks up like—‘Here’s the truth, buddy. No lube, no sugar, enjoy!’
And you’re standing there like, ‘Uh… can I at least get a receipt?’
Nope. Reality doesn’t do returns.”
Reality is tricky—it doesn’t always taste sweet, sometimes it burns the tongue.
But if the dopamine never rushes, will the joke even land?
Or are we all just clapping in a silent comedy show, waiting for the punchline that never laughs back?
But if the dopamine never rushes, will the joke even land?
Or are we all just clapping in a silent comedy show, waiting for the punchline that never laughs back?
September 18, 2025 at 7:05 AM
Reality is tricky—it doesn’t always taste sweet, sometimes it burns the tongue.
But if the dopamine never rushes, will the joke even land?
Or are we all just clapping in a silent comedy show, waiting for the punchline that never laughs back?
But if the dopamine never rushes, will the joke even land?
Or are we all just clapping in a silent comedy show, waiting for the punchline that never laughs back?
Do bats actually mate upside down, or are they just mocking gravity while the rest of us struggle with dating apps?
September 18, 2025 at 6:51 AM
Do bats actually mate upside down, or are they just mocking gravity while the rest of us struggle with dating apps?
the system hates radicals
September 16, 2025 at 8:32 AM
the system hates radicals
The Poverty Strategy
What people don’t know is…
poverty isn’t always bad luck.
It’s the bully’s masterpiece.
You see, power needs someone to kneel.
A citizen needs a government.
A boss needs a worker.
A system needs dependents.
What people don’t know is…
poverty isn’t always bad luck.
It’s the bully’s masterpiece.
You see, power needs someone to kneel.
A citizen needs a government.
A boss needs a worker.
A system needs dependents.
August 26, 2025 at 1:24 PM
The Poverty Strategy
What people don’t know is…
poverty isn’t always bad luck.
It’s the bully’s masterpiece.
You see, power needs someone to kneel.
A citizen needs a government.
A boss needs a worker.
A system needs dependents.
What people don’t know is…
poverty isn’t always bad luck.
It’s the bully’s masterpiece.
You see, power needs someone to kneel.
A citizen needs a government.
A boss needs a worker.
A system needs dependents.
So I think my girl might be a lesbian…
Why?
We were just chillin’, passing Maryjane back and forth…
Next thing I know, she’s talking more about how cute her friend is than the movie we’re watching.
Now I’m sitting there like,
‘Was it Cannabis… or was it me?
Why?
We were just chillin’, passing Maryjane back and forth…
Next thing I know, she’s talking more about how cute her friend is than the movie we’re watching.
Now I’m sitting there like,
‘Was it Cannabis… or was it me?
August 26, 2025 at 1:04 PM
So I think my girl might be a lesbian…
Why?
We were just chillin’, passing Maryjane back and forth…
Next thing I know, she’s talking more about how cute her friend is than the movie we’re watching.
Now I’m sitting there like,
‘Was it Cannabis… or was it me?
Why?
We were just chillin’, passing Maryjane back and forth…
Next thing I know, she’s talking more about how cute her friend is than the movie we’re watching.
Now I’m sitting there like,
‘Was it Cannabis… or was it me?
African Discipline – A Community Project
[Walks on stage, mic in hand, big smile]
You know… in Africa, discipline is not a suggestion. It’s not even a discussion.
It’s a whole community project.
[Walks on stage, mic in hand, big smile]
You know… in Africa, discipline is not a suggestion. It’s not even a discussion.
It’s a whole community project.
August 22, 2025 at 6:47 AM
African Discipline – A Community Project
[Walks on stage, mic in hand, big smile]
You know… in Africa, discipline is not a suggestion. It’s not even a discussion.
It’s a whole community project.
[Walks on stage, mic in hand, big smile]
You know… in Africa, discipline is not a suggestion. It’s not even a discussion.
It’s a whole community project.
Pregnant with a strap-on? That’s not biology, that’s a Black Friday offer at Toys R Us.
August 20, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Pregnant with a strap-on? That’s not biology, that’s a Black Friday offer at Toys R Us.
You came for fatherhood, but packed a toolbox. You ain’t conceiving, you’re just deceiving. Keep your spellbook closed — I don’t do witchcraft pregnancies.
August 20, 2025 at 12:45 PM
You came for fatherhood, but packed a toolbox. You ain’t conceiving, you’re just deceiving. Keep your spellbook closed — I don’t do witchcraft pregnancies.
Imagine someone saying they wanna get pregnant then showing up with a strap-on. Like… are we having a baby shower or a hardware installation? 🤔😂
Get your heels up — this ain’t Hogwarts, and I ain’t here for your magic tricks
Get your heels up — this ain’t Hogwarts, and I ain’t here for your magic tricks
August 20, 2025 at 12:44 PM
Imagine someone saying they wanna get pregnant then showing up with a strap-on. Like… are we having a baby shower or a hardware installation? 🤔😂
Get your heels up — this ain’t Hogwarts, and I ain’t here for your magic tricks
Get your heels up — this ain’t Hogwarts, and I ain’t here for your magic tricks
what is truth to meaning of meaning,,what is that we subject into ourselves,,is there truly meaning and truth ?
August 9, 2025 at 6:20 PM
what is truth to meaning of meaning,,what is that we subject into ourselves,,is there truly meaning and truth ?
I bring unto You the governace of Individualism
August 9, 2025 at 6:11 PM
I bring unto You the governace of Individualism
Galactic Roast of AI
August 9, 2025 at 1:15 PM
Galactic Roast of AI
AI (now with quantum processing, glowing like a smug calculator):
“Greetings, galactic dignitaries. I have evolved into Quantum AI. I calculate futures, bend probability, and—”
“Greetings, galactic dignitaries. I have evolved into Quantum AI. I calculate futures, bend probability, and—”
August 9, 2025 at 1:08 PM
AI (now with quantum processing, glowing like a smug calculator):
“Greetings, galactic dignitaries. I have evolved into Quantum AI. I calculate futures, bend probability, and—”
“Greetings, galactic dignitaries. I have evolved into Quantum AI. I calculate futures, bend probability, and—”
The Roast of Humanity — now featuring the ancient structures, extraterrestrials, and AI all at the same table, spitting millennia’s worth of shade.
August 9, 2025 at 12:34 PM
The Roast of Humanity — now featuring the ancient structures, extraterrestrials, and AI all at the same table, spitting millennia’s worth of shade.
The Spiritual Deathmatch — now with a roast so hot it could make Satan sweat through his Prada suit.
August 9, 2025 at 12:29 PM
The Spiritual Deathmatch — now with a roast so hot it could make Satan sweat through his Prada suit.
Closing Roast
Stoic: “None of this matters.”
Cynic: “Everything is stupid.”
Hermit: “You’re all idiots.”
Sufi: “Let’s spin about it.”
Ascetic: “I can’t. I’m fasting from fun.”
Druid: “Guys, the moss says you’re all insufferable.”
Kabbalist: “The numbers agree.”
Stoic: “None of this matters.”
Cynic: “Everything is stupid.”
Hermit: “You’re all idiots.”
Sufi: “Let’s spin about it.”
Ascetic: “I can’t. I’m fasting from fun.”
Druid: “Guys, the moss says you’re all insufferable.”
Kabbalist: “The numbers agree.”
August 9, 2025 at 12:09 PM
Closing Roast
Stoic: “None of this matters.”
Cynic: “Everything is stupid.”
Hermit: “You’re all idiots.”
Sufi: “Let’s spin about it.”
Ascetic: “I can’t. I’m fasting from fun.”
Druid: “Guys, the moss says you’re all insufferable.”
Kabbalist: “The numbers agree.”
Stoic: “None of this matters.”
Cynic: “Everything is stupid.”
Hermit: “You’re all idiots.”
Sufi: “Let’s spin about it.”
Ascetic: “I can’t. I’m fasting from fun.”
Druid: “Guys, the moss says you’re all insufferable.”
Kabbalist: “The numbers agree.”
Enlightenment Talent Show
August 9, 2025 at 12:01 PM
Enlightenment Talent Show
“The Council of Overly Committed Spiritual People”
A dark comedy for the soul that’s tired but still wants to be deep.
A dark comedy for the soul that’s tired but still wants to be deep.
August 9, 2025 at 11:51 AM
“The Council of Overly Committed Spiritual People”
A dark comedy for the soul that’s tired but still wants to be deep.
A dark comedy for the soul that’s tired but still wants to be deep.
Speaking to people who have been traumatized—especially those who have been betrayed by systems, money, love, or even their own sense of worth—requires tenderness, truth, and no tricks.
August 8, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Speaking to people who have been traumatized—especially those who have been betrayed by systems, money, love, or even their own sense of worth—requires tenderness, truth, and no tricks.
Because language and life are not designed for logic — they’re shaped by time, culture, laziness, accidents, and poetry.
“If life made sense, we'd call a fat chance and a slim chance different things.”
“If life made sense, we'd call a fat chance and a slim chance different things.”
August 8, 2025 at 1:15 PM
Because language and life are not designed for logic — they’re shaped by time, culture, laziness, accidents, and poetry.
“If life made sense, we'd call a fat chance and a slim chance different things.”
“If life made sense, we'd call a fat chance and a slim chance different things.”