i'm always tired down to my bones and frankly fucking miserable 😵‍💫 its hard to think positive when i cant leave this house for years and years at LEAST

these few weeks have been so tough with all the building work, my parents taking their stress out on me, them trampling all over my boundaries, and the cold weather :/ i barely have time for bas anymore cuz any spare time i have i'm either having a meltdown or recovering from said meltdown :(

also therapy revealed i have trauma with alcohol and also a consistent theme in my life has been a loss of automony/never being in control and ugh... i have so much shit to unpack whenever i get outta here

'youre 30 years old!' yeah i'm also deathly afraid of my dad to the point he's a main ptsd trigger of mine so lol

mam told me to hide upstairs whenever he's around it's THAT bad lately :/

n i gotta do this for like a month or 2 at LEAST cuz this house is falling to bits n idk if i'm gonna make it honestly i'm so so tired

i hope the earth and everyone on it fucking blows up

absolutely PATHETIC BEHAVIOUR I'M 30 YEARS OLD

i dont fucking understand how ppl look at the shitshow with trump n go 'ah yes we want this in the uk as well' what the fuck lmao

it also turns out the smell of my dad's deodrant is like a mini-trigger so THATS NICE

(when i say mini-trigger i mean it doesn't trigger a full on ptsd attack but it makes me DEEPLY DEEPLY uncomfortable/makes me feel unsafe/scared)

they eat the floor when i'm in the shower u want me to fucking take them in with me next time??? fuck the both of them UGH. I'M SEETHING