Conky
@conky.online
any day you hear a cool tune and read a funny billboard can't be THAT bad
every day i think about Jonas Salk or Alexander Fleming saving hundreds of millions of lives and continuing to live like regular people. And then Zuck made a website so he could know when hot girls would be at the library and decided this made him the most important person in human history.
February 4, 2026 at 7:39 PM
every day i think about Jonas Salk or Alexander Fleming saving hundreds of millions of lives and continuing to live like regular people. And then Zuck made a website so he could know when hot girls would be at the library and decided this made him the most important person in human history.
i'm bottling up all of my feelings about how politics and the economy work, all of the contradictions and absurdities and indignities, but the thing that will eventually make me lose my mind is clicking "remember this device for 30 days" every fucking day when i log into the same web site.
February 2, 2026 at 3:21 PM
i'm bottling up all of my feelings about how politics and the economy work, all of the contradictions and absurdities and indignities, but the thing that will eventually make me lose my mind is clicking "remember this device for 30 days" every fucking day when i log into the same web site.
I'm just going to back into the pole on my way out of the driveway right now and take down my own electricity. Better than waiting and worrying.
January 23, 2026 at 5:31 PM
I'm just going to back into the pole on my way out of the driveway right now and take down my own electricity. Better than waiting and worrying.
Not a Mets fan, but this slogan has been resonating with me lately
January 21, 2026 at 3:23 PM
Not a Mets fan, but this slogan has been resonating with me lately
The president deserves a brand new Boeing airplane, built right now, with all the contemporary workmanship! Don't overthink it too much, just give him whatever rolls off the line next.
January 21, 2026 at 2:16 PM
The president deserves a brand new Boeing airplane, built right now, with all the contemporary workmanship! Don't overthink it too much, just give him whatever rolls off the line next.
social media would be infinitely better if when you start replying to a post, the OP saw the "..." so they knew you were typing. And then when you hit the back button and don't reply, they can feel relieved. And when something goes viral, they could see thousands of "..." icons. That would be fun.
January 8, 2026 at 3:31 PM
social media would be infinitely better if when you start replying to a post, the OP saw the "..." so they knew you were typing. And then when you hit the back button and don't reply, they can feel relieved. And when something goes viral, they could see thousands of "..." icons. That would be fun.
don't look at wrestlers, they're just doing all that for attention
December 25, 2025 at 12:55 AM
don't look at wrestlers, they're just doing all that for attention
New Bumper sticker idea: "I Got This Before I Learned About World War 2"
December 14, 2025 at 5:09 PM
New Bumper sticker idea: "I Got This Before I Learned About World War 2"
from now on when I'm pissed at someone, I'm going to tell them, "go pound cake." i expect it to be confusing and ineffective.
December 9, 2025 at 10:56 PM
from now on when I'm pissed at someone, I'm going to tell them, "go pound cake." i expect it to be confusing and ineffective.
suing my physics TA for giving me a 0 out of 25 on my Theory of Relativity response paper titled "The Back to the Future trilogy points out a lot of downsides of time travel"
December 5, 2025 at 7:32 PM
suing my physics TA for giving me a 0 out of 25 on my Theory of Relativity response paper titled "The Back to the Future trilogy points out a lot of downsides of time travel"
"you can hire the dumbest guy in the pedophile cabal because the dumbness and pedophilia cancel out, leaving you with a mostly normal guy" this right here is why Bari is the Final Boss Of Radical Centrism
"elevate charismatic figures such as Alan Dershowitz"
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November 25, 2025 at 12:48 PM
"you can hire the dumbest guy in the pedophile cabal because the dumbness and pedophilia cancel out, leaving you with a mostly normal guy" this right here is why Bari is the Final Boss Of Radical Centrism
the timeline this morning is giving me Havana Syndrome
November 22, 2025 at 3:39 PM
the timeline this morning is giving me Havana Syndrome
can't believe this is the last ever email Jeffrey Epstein sent, ten minutes before he was arrested
November 21, 2025 at 7:01 PM
can't believe this is the last ever email Jeffrey Epstein sent, ten minutes before he was arrested
This man has resting "perv sweating under a bright light" face
![A screenshot of a photo and headline linking to a CNN article. The headline reads "Larry Summers says he is 'deeply ashamed' after new Jeffrey Epstein emails and will pause public engageme..." [Headline cuts off in the original photo.] The included picture of Larry Summers looks bad in the way that the text of my joke would indicate.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:a6hacwugi6vpb5dcykkh2shk/bafkreif6snz65lorggbuy7j3uwkcf6g6o2zzqbrelb3tr3hyq2rran3fry@jpeg)
November 19, 2025 at 3:24 PM
This man has resting "perv sweating under a bright light" face
it might be worth reflecting on what in the American system makes it so only fucking monsters and dogshit rubes float to the top
Raskin: We are a big tent. We must be a huge, vast tent. I say this is a party that’s got room for Marjorie Taylor Greene if she wants to come over.
November 17, 2025 at 3:44 PM
it might be worth reflecting on what in the American system makes it so only fucking monsters and dogshit rubes float to the top
Out on the road today, I saw a Mitski sticker on a Cybertruck / A little voice inside my head said, "don't give a fuck, you can never give a fuck"
November 9, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Out on the road today, I saw a Mitski sticker on a Cybertruck / A little voice inside my head said, "don't give a fuck, you can never give a fuck"
thank you for saving me the labor of listening, AI voice transcription
November 7, 2025 at 9:23 PM
thank you for saving me the labor of listening, AI voice transcription
Did something happen Online tonight that made Bsky crappy at loading posts? I've been listening to grunge rock all night, i don't even get on the computer that much, so I'm not sure.
October 24, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Did something happen Online tonight that made Bsky crappy at loading posts? I've been listening to grunge rock all night, i don't even get on the computer that much, so I'm not sure.
Watching Youtube video "how to parallel park (2025 latest strategies)" while like 30 people honk angrily at me
October 23, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Watching Youtube video "how to parallel park (2025 latest strategies)" while like 30 people honk angrily at me
Jason Vorhees. Great story. Kid is bullied, beaten, nearly drowned. Pulls himself up by his bootstraps. Grows up to be an astronaut.
October 19, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Jason Vorhees. Great story. Kid is bullied, beaten, nearly drowned. Pulls himself up by his bootstraps. Grows up to be an astronaut.
I guess creating a machine that helps people masturbate until they get schizophrenia does technically meet the definition of "building something extraordinary" but I won't be missing out on my life to help with that project
October 15, 2025 at 2:11 PM
I guess creating a machine that helps people masturbate until they get schizophrenia does technically meet the definition of "building something extraordinary" but I won't be missing out on my life to help with that project