Coach Gowron
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coachgowron.com
Coach Gowron
@coachgowron.com
9.7K followers 49 following 3.1K posts
You will be inspired, or else.
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// A little bit of topical lunacy, courtesy of @auralnauts-craven.bsky.social
October 9, 2025 at 3:34 PM
coachgowron.com
// Keep your head high, friend.
The Sphere in Las Vegas, but it's Gowron The Sphere in Las Vegas, but it's Gowron and holy shit what is happening?!
September 15, 2025 at 3:22 AM
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It is Laser Sword Day in the gym! We brought extra first aid kits for the occasion!
Coach Gowron holding a bat'leth made of lightsabers. May the Brute Force be with you.
May 4, 2025 at 5:43 PM
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Coach Gowron and Nagus at the Movies: Little Shop of Horrors (1986): Human nerd flowerologist Seymour nurtures a plant with a thirst for blood. There's a surprisingly accurate depiction of Klingon dentistry. 4/5 bat'leths, but only because the plant reminds me of Meemaw. @ferengirules.bsky.social
Image shows a movie screen displaying a frame from the movie Little Shop of Horrors, with Rick Moranis and the plant Audrey II. Along the top is the title "Coach Gowron and Nagus At the Movies" and underneath is the stylized logo for "Little Shop of Horrors." Along the bottom is a silhouette of movie theatre chairs and shadows of the Grand Nagus and Gowron in the style of MST3K.
April 27, 2025 at 8:30 PM
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Coach Gowron as Bob Ross holding a paint brush and standing in front of a painting on an easel. The painting is of the Trans flag. Happy Trans Visibility Day!
March 31, 2025 at 3:50 PM
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// What does it all mean? Tune in Friday, March 14 at 3:14 EDT to find out.
Matthew McConaughey, looking contemplative, sitting in a cafe window while rain beats down steadily outside. The Pi symbol appears in a bright white font in front of him. What does it all mean? Tune in Friday, March 14 at 3:14 EDT to find out.
March 13, 2025 at 2:17 AM
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// Soon...
March 8, 2025 at 5:43 PM
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// In one week...
Mysterious graphic showing the Pi symbol, with the date 2025.03.14 and the time 3:14 PM EDT. Very mysterious. What could it be telling us? Stay tuned.
March 7, 2025 at 7:07 PM
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Alright, which one of you left this in the anonymous Suggestion Box outside the gym? It is in poor taste.
Star Trek DS9 trading card with the title Gowron Fakes His Death, and a picture of Gowron, um, dying.
February 15, 2025 at 8:50 PM
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Gold Participaction badge that reads FLEXED EYELID HANG FIRST PLACE
February 7, 2025 at 1:59 AM
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I'm assembling a crew for our most ambitious heist yet. Who's in?
Coach Gowron's Cookie Heist. Pictured: Cousin Nu'Daq holding a bat'leth, Lawrence Fishburne wearing a child's Spock helmet, Coach Gowron as Neo, and Ensign Amens as Trinity
January 16, 2025 at 5:44 PM
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It is time for the annual Nacho Cheese Swim Meet, where the finest athletes compete against each other, the clock, and viscosity itself! Due to last year's unfortunate incident, no outside tortilla chips will be permitted in the venue.
Coach Gowron standing in front of an outdoor swimming pool that appears to be filled with yellow liquid cheese. He is wearing a bulbous blue Speedo swim cap with a large dripping blob of nacho cheese on it. He is also wearing swim goggles, has a red lifeguard whistle clenched in his teeth, and is holding a red lifeguard floatation pontoon. Behind him in the swimming pool the top half of Morn's head is emerging from the queso, with cheese covering the top of his head and dripping down his face.
January 13, 2025 at 6:57 PM
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Aggressive reminder that today's bonspiel begins promptly at noon! We WILL clear the house! We WILL hurry hard!
Coach Gowron at a curling rink throwing a yellow stone.
January 5, 2025 at 8:42 PM
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Due to Brad's incompetence with the transporter I appear to have been converted to a 2000s-era Earth web animation character. I am furious. How long must I wait for The Cheat O'Brien to fix this mess?
Coach Gowron rendered as a cartoon character in the style of Coach Z from Homestar Runner. He is green with a white face with only bulbous eyes and a mustache and triangle beard. On his chest is a very large medallion with the letter G on it. He has a backwards ballcap and is holding up both arms in a kind of shrug. In his left hand he holds a cartoon bat'leth. In the background is a school gym slightly out of focus.
January 4, 2025 at 6:32 PM
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Hockey Regionals are this weekend! We will go hard to the net, take the body, work hard in the corners, and defeat those glorified beer leaguers from Duras High! Qapla'!
Coach Gowron wearing a hockey helmet and holding a hockey stick with a rink in the background. On the boards in the background is an ad for Kaga's Gagh Hut.
January 3, 2025 at 10:14 PM
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Don't miss this issue, though it is strangely buttock-focused this month for some reason.
Magazine cover titled 'Space Gym Explorer' featuring Chief O'Brien getting a makeover via transporter beam. Headlines include topics like 'Transporter Body Sculpting: Worth the Horrifying Risks?', 'Logical Leg Day: Get a Dump Truck Like Tuvok', and 'Dr. Soong's Positronic Butt Implants'. Other articles include telepathic gym etiquette, supplement recalls, and top replicator recipes.
January 2, 2025 at 4:11 PM
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Coach Gowron Reviews Atari Adventure. Cutting edge graphics allow you to really feel like you are a mighty square. Ducks can be slain with your little arrow, but watch out for the bat thing! It will steal your arrow at the worst time! The best thing about the game is the fireworks when you win.
Coach Gowron, seen from behind, is sitting on the floor in front of an 80s-era TV with an Atari 2600 attached to it. A stack of Atari cartridges and a joystick are on the red carpet in front of him On screen is the classic game Atari Adventure.
December 27, 2024 at 6:04 PM
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Happy Boxing Day to those of the pugilist faith. May your fisticuffs be boisterous and invigorating.
A sepia toned photograph of a 19th century boxer with Gowron's head.
December 26, 2024 at 5:21 PM
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You're not gonna believe this...
A choir on stage, wearing black formal attire and singing. Coach Gowron is in the middle row on the left, also wearing a tuxedo, and belting out a tune that can be heard all the way to Sto'vo'kor
December 26, 2024 at 1:36 AM
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Aggressive reminder to be festive today! Let nothing stand in your way toward merriment! Also the gym is closed for fumigation today.
A festive Christmas-themed gift-wrapped item shaped like a bat'leth, adorned with green wrapping paper featuring Santa Claus patterns and a shiny green bow on top. A small tag attached reads: "To: Chief O'Brien From: Santa." The scene is set on a wooden table surrounded by decorative elements like pine branches, ornaments, and wrapped presents, adding a cozy holiday vibe.
December 25, 2024 at 6:16 PM
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Soon...
Gowron wearing a Santa hat and grinning/grimacing charmingly (for a Klingon) through a frost coated window. In his hand is a present wrapped with green paper with Santa Claus heads decorating it. The present is clearly a bat'leth and has a large green bow and a tag that says To: Alexander From: Gowron Claus.
December 24, 2024 at 3:30 PM
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Whether it's crushing an enemy on the field of glorious battle, or sewing plush toys for disadvantaged kids, get you a warrior who can do both.
Coach Gowron standing in what appears to be a school sewing and crafts room, clutching four teddy bears in front of him.
December 23, 2024 at 5:30 PM
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Tis the season, apparently!
Post from a redacted user reading "I don't give a shit about self improvement so I'm blocking you!" Heartbreaking.
December 22, 2024 at 7:39 PM
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Give the gift of self-improvement this holiday season!
Parody book cover for The 7 Habits of Highly Honorable People. The title is emblazoned in large white letters over a picture of Gowron in profile looking series. The subtitle is printed in gold lettering below and reads "Powerful lessons of punching for glory" and underneath in white is "Forward by Richard Page." That's the lead singer of Mr. Mister by the way. At the bottom in large gold letters reads "Coach Gowron." In a gold badge on the center left of the cover are the words "How honorable are you? Will you follow the Way of the Warrior or the PetaQ?"
December 22, 2024 at 7:18 PM
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Who else is prepared for the rave this weekend? the dance fighting will be glorious!
Coach Gowron in a dark room holding a bat'leth made out of lightsabers
December 20, 2024 at 3:59 PM