Unindicted Co-Conspiritor
@co-conspiritor.bsky.social
My face always feels like I've eaten a lemon wedge covered in hot sauce
Not to rain on your parade, but did anyone actually tell us how to get… how to get to Sesame Street?
June 17, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Not to rain on your parade, but did anyone actually tell us how to get… how to get to Sesame Street?
International symbol of ‘I might have another sandwich’
June 7, 2025 at 6:39 PM
International symbol of ‘I might have another sandwich’
Overhead at the Met Gala Ball; Hannibal Lecter … who are you wearing?
May 10, 2025 at 6:35 AM
Overhead at the Met Gala Ball; Hannibal Lecter … who are you wearing?
Pants are for pussys dicks and assholes
March 29, 2025 at 7:22 AM
Pants are for pussys dicks and assholes
I swear after you give me this lobotomy I’ll never ask for a favor again
February 17, 2025 at 8:40 AM
I swear after you give me this lobotomy I’ll never ask for a favor again
I love my wife even more after she told me she thought the song ‘Material Girl’ was all about sewing
February 15, 2025 at 6:24 AM
I love my wife even more after she told me she thought the song ‘Material Girl’ was all about sewing
I got here at 11:12, are the doors closed?
January 1, 2025 at 7:13 AM
I got here at 11:12, are the doors closed?
@bethh.bsky.social linger on your pale blue eyes
December 21, 2024 at 10:53 AM
@bethh.bsky.social linger on your pale blue eyes
Don’t listen to any one, what doesn’t kill you will chop off your legs and challenge you to kickball tomorrow
December 15, 2024 at 5:48 PM
Don’t listen to any one, what doesn’t kill you will chop off your legs and challenge you to kickball tomorrow
Everyone knows all caterpillars are sinners who commit crimes and go into hiding and then come out in disguise from the witness protection program
December 7, 2024 at 10:36 PM
Everyone knows all caterpillars are sinners who commit crimes and go into hiding and then come out in disguise from the witness protection program
I’m feeling happy
What the fuck did I forget
What the fuck did I forget
November 22, 2024 at 1:43 AM
I’m feeling happy
What the fuck did I forget
What the fuck did I forget
When people ask my wife the secret to a long happy relationship, she always says “mutual respect.” But she is wrong because she’s a big dummy.
November 16, 2024 at 10:54 PM
When people ask my wife the secret to a long happy relationship, she always says “mutual respect.” But she is wrong because she’s a big dummy.
Socks are the new napkins
November 16, 2024 at 3:57 AM
Socks are the new napkins
Answer every phone call with ‘I told you to never call me here’
November 15, 2024 at 8:38 PM
Answer every phone call with ‘I told you to never call me here’
I need to get to sleep
I’ve passed this same pig with sparklers and roller skates three times now
I’ve passed this same pig with sparklers and roller skates three times now
November 15, 2024 at 2:14 AM
I need to get to sleep
I’ve passed this same pig with sparklers and roller skates three times now
I’ve passed this same pig with sparklers and roller skates three times now