That guy did turn out to be really shady by the way. The ex did some work for him (like thousands of dollars worth) and was never paid. I don't remember his name but he looked like an evil Steven Paige.

He was such a superior human to any of us obviously. No booze, no coffee, nothing.

Anyway, I think that's why I don't like wine. It's not that I don't, it's just that it holds so much trauma for me.

What was the point of this post? I dunno. Sometimes I just want to get things off my chest.

I'm the morning I got up. Poured any alcohol on the house down the sink and proceeded to clean the tiny spot of barf from the car before he woke up.

I will never forget how much I felt like trash. Like the worst pos that ever lived cause I drank a little too much.

He didn't drink, by the way.

I did my business, got a coffee, and headed back to the car.

Then I felt like shit. At some point I threw up out the window. I got a tiiiiny bit of barf on the door or this man's car. HE LOST IT. Called me irresponsible, a drunk, trash. Made sure I knew I was to fix this indiscretion.

I don't remember the party after this. I remember being suddenly in the car. Then I remember having to poop. Anyone else get the wine shits? Suddenly, i had to go and I had to go NOW. Thankfully, this is Canada and there was a timmies.

Now, I hadn't been feeling poorly until this moment.

I was already drunk at this point and remember feeling REALLY BAD that I was talking to the kiddo while intoxicated (along with the guilt of having fun without this munchkin present. I didn't really leave her alot)

I went back to the table and had another glass.

Douchbag guy made me very uncomfortable and I'm terrible as it is in social situations. I knew NONE of these people and they were all "smarter" (or so I thought) than me. I started drinking.

At 7:30 I got a call from my kiddo. I went outside to talk to her. She missed Mommy but I talked her down

There was free wine at the wedding. Every table got a bottle of white+ a bottle of red except no one was drinking the white wine. I LOVE white wine. Atleast, I did at the time. So my table, which consisted of two other people I don't remember, my ex, and douchbag guy. We began trading red for white

The wedding itself I don't remember AT ALL. I can't honestly even say that we made it to the ceremony. I do remember however, most of the reception (after the food)

I remember my ex talking to some dude. I told him later this guy was SHADY AS FUCK but I don't think he believed me at the time

This was the first time I had been out out in YEARS. I got dressed up, I looked really pretty, and the wedding was pretty far away (4 hours from where we lived)

I remember nothing of note of the drive there. I assume it was plesent. We had only been together a few months and I like car rides

While we were separated & living together he told me he was so upset cause his dream of "impregnating someone" was never going to come true. (He's with a woman who has 3 kids, doesn't want more)

Was he with me in the beginning cause he thought I was a fertile mertle?

Was that atleast part of it?

To this day I honestly don't even trust that he got tested. He would go away to a clinic in another country so no one knew and it couldn't be "traced" or some paranoid shit.
I haven't been tested and I really should but I'm honestly terrified.

I think about this alot.

If he gave me one it would be grounds for divorce. I was NOT kidding. He kept saying that was crazy and raised his point about medications. But that wasn't the point. He didn't hear me. He kept stating his point.

And I'd like to keep it that way. He kept telling me that even if he came home with something it's not that big a deal cause they have meds for those things now and they can be cleared up. No harm no foul.
I said no. I got this far and I don't want any STDs