Roxanne Paris Barker
LightNews LightNews
banner
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Roxanne Paris Barker
@classicroxanne.bsky.social
290 followers 510 following 450 posts
Part-time ice cream maker and full-time “What If?” machine. I like writing and death and cute stuff. I exist online at www.classicroxanne.com.
Posts Replies Media Videos
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Busta Rhymes performing a medley of his hits on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles float during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade is everything I love about America.
A Black man in a white coat raps incredibly fast on a float in a parade surrounded by a crowd of people. Behind him, someone dressed as giant turtle in a red bandana is hyping him up.
November 27, 2025 at 5:33 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Me lately
Ilana Glazer from Broad City repeating the question ‘how “am” I?” with her fingers making air quotes for the word “am” and a look on her face that’s a combination of rage, incredulity and disgust.
November 18, 2025 at 11:25 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Probably?
Screenshot from Nation Geographic instagram page with a picture of stars and a Black Hole in the center, with the words “are we living in a black hole?” written across the top.
November 18, 2025 at 6:51 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Thanks I hate it.
Headline: Former Disney star sparks controversy for his AI app that lets you talk to dead relatives.
November 15, 2025 at 7:54 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Protesting against tyranny and kings is as patriotic and American as you can get. Stay safe out there today y’all.
American flag background with text over it that says: A PARTY MEMBER IS EXPECTED TO HAVE NO PRIVATE EMOTIONS AND NO RESPITES FROM ENTHUSIASM. HE IS SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN A CONTINUOUS FRENZY OF HATRED OF FOREIGN ENEMIES AND INTERNAL TRAITORS, TRIUMPH OVER VICTORIES, AND SELF-ABASEMENT BEFORE THE POWER AND WISDOM OF THE PARTY. -1984
October 18, 2025 at 3:51 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
This is now a 1984 quote account for the foreseeable future.
A pink background with blue text that reads: THE TWO AIMS OF THE PARTY ARE TO CONQUER THE WHOLE SURFACE OF THE EARTH AND TO EXTINGUISH ONCE AND FOR ALL THE POSSIBILITY OF INDEPENDENT THOUGHT. -1984
October 9, 2025 at 5:12 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Red screen with white text that reads ‘It does not matter whether the war is actually happening, and since no decisive victory is possible, it does not matter whether the war is going well or badly. All that is needed is that a state of war should exist. -1984’
September 30, 2025 at 8:14 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Over the Garden Wall
Small smiling cartoon child with a teapot on his head is standing in water while holding a frog. A taller worried looking boy stands on a rock beside him, wearing a cape and some sort of gnome hat.
September 13, 2025 at 3:47 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Gotta love that final shot:
A Jeep with at least 7 dudes in GI Joe commando cosplay gear and huge guns backs away from a woman in the foreground giving them the middle finger.
July 8, 2025 at 12:58 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
More bullying of bullies, please. #nokings
Pink screen with blue letters that say ‘Donald Trump is a big dumb dork’ with some little stars for sparkly flair.
June 15, 2025 at 2:40 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Mentally, I’m here.
An escaped zebra named Ed sits in a harness seat type thing attached to a long rope, dangling from a helicopter. His face is extremely unbothered, even though he is a zebra and he is floating through the sky.
June 10, 2025 at 4:10 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Photo of an old TV set with a blue cloud sky background and neon green letters saying ‘Fox News Is Killing America’. Because it is.
May 24, 2025 at 10:27 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Actually that one and this one. And that’s it.
Tribute to Mets superfan Seymour Weiner who died recently.
May 16, 2025 at 11:13 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Scene from Pee Wee’s Playhouse where he meets Roger, the giant green one eyed, one footed alien. He looks very much like the eyeball solar garden light.
May 10, 2025 at 3:23 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
This headline. I feel like I’m going insane.

A four second search showed that yes it’s in fact fully illegal to expatriate US Citizens for a crime.

What are we doing here?
AP news headline reads ‘Trump says he wants to imprison US Citizens in El Salvador. That’s likely illegal’ LIKELY.
April 15, 2025 at 6:09 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Sorry, I gotta go. My ride’s here. 🛸
A dark gray cloud shaped like a flying saucer/UFO sits dark and alone in a blue sky under white clouds.
April 9, 2025 at 1:40 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Black and white still from ‘Eraserhead’. A blonde white woman with inexplicably fluffy cheeks is wearing a sleeveless dress. The caption shows the words she is singing ‘in heaven, everything is fine.’
March 30, 2025 at 5:35 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Italian astronomer Giovanni Riccioli named lunar landmarks in 1651, and those are the names we still use today. Which spot are you moving to? I call dibs on the Sea of Clouds. Probably gonna skip the Marsh of Epidemics.
Image of a full moon against a black background with lists of names for the lunar landmarks: LAKE OF SUMMER LAKE OF AUTUMN LAKE OF GOODNESS LAKE OF SORROW LAKE OF EXCELLENCE LAKE OF HAPPINESS LAKE OF JOY LAKE OF WINTER LAKE OF SOFTNESS LAKE OF LUXURY LAKE OF DEATH LAKE OF FORGETFULNESS LAKE OF HATRED LAKE OF PERSEVERANCE LAKE OF SOLITUDE LAKE OF DREAMS LAKE OF HOPE LAKE OF TIME LAKE OF FEAR LAKE OF SPRING SERPENT SEA SOUTHERN SEA SEA THAT HAS BECOME KNOWN SEA OF CRISES SEA OF FECUNDITY SEA OF COLD SEA OF MOISTURE SEA OF SHOWERS SEA OF CLEVERNESS SEA OF ISLANDS SEA OF THE EDGE SEA OF MOSCOW SEA OF NECTAR SEA OF CLOUDS EASTERN SEA SEA OF SERENITY FOAMING SEA SEA OF TRANQUILITY SEA OF WAVES SEA OF VAPORS OCEAN OF STORMS MARSH OF EPIDEMICS MARSH OF DECAY MARSH OF SLEEP SEETHING BAY BAY OF LOVE BAY OF ROUGHNESS BAY OF HARMONY BAY OF TRUST BAY OF HONOR BAY OF RAINBOWS LUNIK BAY BAY OF THE CENTER BAY OF DEW BAY OF SUCCESS
January 31, 2025 at 5:14 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Got my tarot cards read and every single one was just a cartoon dinosaur eating humans.
January 23, 2025 at 1:45 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Got a new hat.
Screenshot of Fiona Apple sitting on the ground with an octopus on her head, tentacles hanging down around her face like strands of hair. She looks sadder than one should look with an octopus for a hat.
January 9, 2025 at 1:25 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
After a Nosferatu/Sonic double header, I present to you: Dr. Orloknic.

(My brain wouldn’t let me sleep until I made this)
Nosferatu’s Count Orlok with Sonic’s Dr. Robotnik’s mustache crappily superimposed on his face.
December 27, 2024 at 5:52 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
I truly love imagining the meeting to discuss exactly how caked up Duo should be.
December 23, 2024 at 6:02 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
America! Things were willing to come together to pass into law vs things we’re not. 🥴🥴
December 17, 2024 at 3:26 PM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
Just follow your heart
December 7, 2024 at 4:55 AM
classicroxanne.bsky.social
My greatest regret in life is that I’ll never be a fashionable French Volcanologist in the 1970’s.
December 4, 2024 at 12:30 AM