here’s hoping elon and a bunch of the billionaires go to mars and never come back 🤞

i wish we could just let joe biden go this week like someone who gives their two weeks at work. like oh no, your presence is no longer necessary here man, you can just go. would literally make zero difference.

maybe the mirror bacteria will kill us before the orbs 🫶

i have been fully consumed by rewatching lost. were the writers on crack

when my bf is sick
me: hey i think i'm going to sleep in the guest bedroom just so i don't catch anything.
him: roger that, see you in the morning

when i'm sick
my boyfriend: hey i think i'm going to sleep in the guest bedroom just so i don't catch anything.
me: wow, when did you stop loving me

bring on the lohanaissance. it is time.

there is a parallel universe where taylor swift is just an ordinary maxxinista living in philly. it’s so core to the depths of her soul that she is addicted to not serving in any way fashion-wise ever. at this point it feels like she’s fucking with all of us on purpose.

my commitment to always spending $200 more than i should’ve at anthropologie is unwavering

netflix breaking right before the jake paul mike tyson fight is so trump admin-core

friday night at 8:25pm

you can take my right to choice away, but you can't take my diet coke

when i realize i never have to log into X ever again

so we moved to bluesky

hmmm yeah this is pretty cool but i think i miss seeing the same ad every 3 scrolls like on X