Now I’m thinking of Sæmundr fróði, an Icelandic monk who needed to get home from mainland Europe and made a pact with the Devil for passage. Devil turns into a seal, Sæmundr rides his back, and then escapes by beating the seal over the head with a Bible.

Dude’s got a statute at the University.

Don't worry about tetanus, I suck on the staples like Jolly Ranchers to build up my tolerance