i like zohran ! but aesthetically he’s a bad fit to be mayor of NYC. he’s too nice looking. i recommend that he give himself a facial scar, wear red contacts, and adopt Falcor, who has razor sharp talons, can fly at up to 100mph, and is also city comptroller

if you don’t know someone’s pronouns it’s best to default to she/her, because it’s worse to offend a woman

when i was little i learned what chocolate lava cake was but never ordered it because i couldn’t imagine i deserved such a thing

told a girl to beg for it during sex and she immediately went for threatening to kill herself

telling someone how you like them more than your ex isn’t an appropriate or okay compliment. unfortunately nothing else hits the same

went to a queer hair salon and within 20 minutes the stylist recommended i read polysecure

let your girlfriend punch you 6 times in the arm. if the bruise forms a heart, it means she loves you. if not, you have to be mad at her for a week and not tell her why

a cop saw my tboy drinking hard kombucha and asked what it was, and my boy is so sweet and good at following directions he just held it up to cops face like an animal crossing character who caught a fish, and the cop just assumed it must not be alcohol then and let him go

when u first transition, you need to decide how into japan you’re going to be. i recommend only being a little bit into japan

i think people underestimate the cultural impact RFK will have as head of the FDA. we can finally try libertarian cuisine, which is like normal cuisine, but it makes you sick

i knew this gay guy in college who could smell when someone was on their period but was really self conscious about it bc that sounds so misogynistic

[at the dentist] before we do this, i wanna make sure ur not just using me
dentist: i just need to feel your gums to see if they’re inflamed, it’s really nothing serious
me: it’s serious to me
dentist: ok i’m just gonna go ahead and do it
me: ahe yoo sheeing osher patiensh

my girlfriend went on a date with my other girlfriend and i got excited bc it meant i could use her steam account to play hades ii as long as i wanted while she was busy. no i wasn’t cucked, please don’t put in the paper that i was cucked

knew a lesbian who almost exclusively dated tgirls bc every cis woman they dated became a man and they wanted someone guaranteed not to do that

when women cry bc their dog will never understand how much they love him? that’s how i feel about the tboy at work

is it gauche to just repost some of my favorite tweets? id come up with new ones but i lost the divine spark of the poster