that's a skunk just FYI

"I like the word “folks” ’cause it’s so positive. You know, Black folks, white folks, Asian folks. It’s just got a good feel to it. You never hear, “I was at a party and these fucking folks showed up."
-Demetri Martin

[yelling from a basement closet] "Honey have you seen my Accord? I haven't used it since last February"

My wife works for the school district so I have close to the best insurance and.....absolutely same!

"What do you have in that briefcase anyway?"
"Crackers."

They've already built a pyramid, so one of the first questions that needs to be answered is, "What unnecessary shape will this BPS be?"

Aggressive (diarrhea emergency) 4%

Every legal story now is either

Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach

or

In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport

"Because gate vaporization is real, and you could be the next victim."

Fuck em up, King

Kinda mean to finally give him a shot in this weather

When To See a Doctor:

If still conscious you should see a doctor as soon as the murderer leaves the scene. You should call 911 if you're unable to safely drive yourself after an attempted murder.

I'm really bummed tonight but still proud to know that there are so many of you fighting the good fight

And then from the bathroom
There arose such a clatter
The porcelain white toilet
I covered with splatter