If you ever catch me with uncuffed pants please check if I'm wearing a suit. If not that is an impostor and you should run very far away. I will die before I get a pant leg hemmed.

ℑ𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔊𝔯𝔦𝔪 𝔇𝔞𝔯𝔨𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔉𝔞𝔯 𝔉𝔲𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢, 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝔒𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔐𝔬𝔦

Does an advanced application of heavy chalance take away from my enigmatic nature? Absolutely. Will I still try my heart out at everything I do? Absolutley.

The speakers at this very upscale cafe are so blown out its making piano man sound like fuckin sperm swamp, and frankly I couldn't think of a better ambience for my casual study session.

The best part about chainsaw man getting popular is that its an immediate test of who has media literacy.

And I love you, random customer!

As someone who has been a smoker and a non smoker, I cannot fathom how people could ever think smoking wasn't bad for you. I then have a cigarette after 4 months and understand that people are stupid and minty leaf burn so good.

Wishing the inventor of the Frappuccino a very good choke on a cream charger.

Every time I watch the blood and thunder music video I always get jumpscared by the two sisters of battle making out about a minute in.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I yelled "YEAH!" When a band asked if I knew the song they were about to play, when I in fact had no clue the song had been written, much less recorded and performed live.

God I love eating food at a place that looks fancy and is expensive. Especially when my "Spanish omlette with chorizo" tastes like textured water and costs 35$ dollars. Nothing like it!

Magic is everywhere for those with eyes to see. That is why I will be selling magic seeing eyeballs for the low low cost of $27.64 starting tomorrow. The surgery to have them installed is performed in house by trained magical clinicians. Please inquire about procedure cost.

Nothin like ripping a few quick ciggies before hitting the gym for cardio day😤(I am any%ing lung cancer)

we all know this classic way

To the guy shadow boxing in the mirror after every set at the gym. I love you. Please never change because you're my hero.

Some people browse marketplace on their bathroom breaks. Me? I browse investment opportunities. (checking the price of an Australium Professional Killstreak Frontier Justice to see if I can get it for 45 dollar instead of 50) I buy low, sell high, baby😎