And there is nothing I can do about it except lay down moving as little as possible until it stops

It’s all just way too much and I can’t do it anymore. Living in the middle of nowhere “off the grid” is sounding more and more appealing to me every year

Giant fucking cop out. “This relationship is now past the ‘honeymoon’ phase and therefore I have lost interest in u and have moved on to someone new” like. I’m just so hurt so deeply hurt and I’m just like. Done. I’m really done. I’m not trying to make friends anymore. I can’t handle this pain.

and when my partner is like “what’s going on? Do u not want to be friends anymore?” They really have the audacity to b like “yeah no we aren’t im not what u need I can’t give wht u what u need I’m a failure” all bc they couldn’t be bothered to simply make time for us

I’m so so not over the absolute gut punch of asking someone to make time to spend with me and their reaction being to spiral out of control and internally combust over how adult relationships are “just maintenance forever” and never respond to me

I think the idea of that scares the fucking shit out of me

It just feels like their life is over now cause now their life is going to entirely be about their child and taking care of another living being. I feel like being a good parent involves, in some capacity, the death of your individuality. Your life is now entirely about this being u created.

I like to support small business but this seems a little bit egregious to me…

I have my small handful of people who have stuck with me. Who are still here. Who still WANT to be here. They’ve seen my filth and my pain and my rage and they still want me, not just tolerate me but WANT me. I will never understand it but I will always be grateful for it

im in a violent purge kind of mood. wanting to unfollow basically everyone and just isolate myself really bad. i really really didn't need two major crushing blows in such a short time of each other.

I laugh with zero mirth, my smile is actually violently gritted teeth

BPD Says: that’s all of them! All people are this threat! Never make friends! Ever! Stop giving people the chance to hurt us, you fucking moron!

and then the cop-out! "i guess im just not what you need :(" because you don't want to fucking spend time with me???? Seriously???? FUCK you. I hope everyone leaves you and you are left alone in a pit. Fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK YOU