“We have created a system where the only way to survive is to be destitute enough to qualify for aid, or rich enough to ignore the cost. Everyone in the middle is being cannibalized.”

“When you are drowning, and you see the lifeguard throw a life vest to the person treading water next to you—a person who isn’t swimming as hard as you are—you don’t feel happiness for them. You feel a homicidal rage at the lifeguard.”

Bull terriers are the perfect dogs for these times: Distracting in their silliness and inspiring in their independent, IDGAF temperament. This is Grizzly, my 12-year-old mini bull.

What is the deal with all the anti-booze stuff everywhere? The NYT has been filled with it. I imagine an editor who quit the sauce and wants everyone to share the sobriety. Like a vegan convert, but with an international platform to annoy TF out of us all.

We’re on the brink of basically having a king … just in time for America’s 250th birthday next year.

If there is a writing award for legal briefs, this one would win it by a landslide. Absolutely brilliant.