I'm trying to allow for some grace: there's multiple recent traumas and shocks that she has to deal with.

But yeah, even my patience is being tested.

That may be a theme though: always being angry won't get you far and will actively damage everything around you.

Happy birthday, may all your birthday wishes come true.

There are also many cases where "why" is absolutely the wrong question to ask.

Maybe it's not a word problem, maybe it's just people are dicks regardless of language used and we can leave it at that.

Admittedly I may be internalizing, as I have levels of management that fall into that bucket

/end

Interestingly enough, your response is full of broad assumptions.

One can be productive in their candor and be less judgmental.

These things are not mutually exclusive.

I will admit it's not the clearest take and there are many cases where "why" is fine/not judgemental.

1/