Actually, the there's a load more that an imaginative chancellor could do:
1. Business rates on places of worship
2. Huge tax on long-term empty properties
3. Increase the Digital Services tax and don't worry about Trump
4. Legalise drugs and make the government the official supplier/educator

Hang on: If everyone was to have one day of their life at that beach, with 9 billion people on earth and a lifespan of 70 years, that would mean the beach gets 352 thousand visitors per day. It wouldn't be quite the same.

Your cliff may be x feet high rather than deep.

A phenomenon very well understood by sufferers of EAD (Explaining Acronyms Disorder).

I've never seen Star Wars but I bet none of the spaceships had a toilet either.

Ah! But everything that you write is plagiarism. Everything that anyone writes is plagiarism. Try your "Twice in my career" paragraph" in the search box of: libraryofbabel.info/search.cgi

The manager is a lady who, she has discovered, was having an affair with her husband

Putin. Alive. But only until the main course

How sweetly they sing

OK. I misread that. Don't know how. I saw: "latest issue of Anatomy Now magazine". Had me wondering for a moment.

A curious thing about the Polish president: If you go up to random people on the street and ask: "Who is the president of Poland?" they just shrug their shoulders. If you sing the same question to the tune of Camptown Races, they give you the correct answer immediately.

Either the reindeer and trees are uncommonly small or the chunks of rocky road are absolutely massive.

I'm not 100% certain that working this one out was a productive use of my time

I once went into a cafe in Sicily and asked for a small Star Wars-themed snack. They gave me only one cannoli.

What? And replace traffic jam with traffic mustard?

I love a day with no clouds, me.

but there's 5 of them in the picture.

Bravo, sir. Bravo!

or, as he frequently said, 17 times the size of Wales.