captainjaws.bsky.social
@captainjaws.bsky.social
I hereby order the government to give me $300 million.
That's what we do now, right?
October 22, 2025 at 8:58 PM
Crazy to think that, "President calls for dismantling of Statue of Liberty while Italian Prime Minister signals willingness to pay for it to return to Italy." doesn't sound far-fetched.
October 17, 2025 at 12:11 PM
If we are made in God's image... and we can orgasm.... eh? Ehhhh?

Christians are weird; they should fuck more.
September 30, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Kinda weird to see a brag about a modern movie breaking box office sales against a 30-year-old title that had tickets at half the price.

Shout out to the 90s when a kid could rake the couch cushions and have enough money for a few gallons of gas and a movie ticket.
September 22, 2025 at 11:16 AM
I'd be really interested in a feature that allows users to type in keywords they DON'T want to see in the feed.

Mine would be #bb27
September 20, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Just to make sure I completely understand: Donald John Trump is sending the US military to thwart the omega-level threat of.. American teenagers?

Wow. Talk about a culture war.
August 12, 2025 at 1:48 PM
So Mike Johnson, who shares an app with his son so they can monitor each other's porn time, is helping "if she wasn't my daughter" hide pedophiles?
Color me shocked.
July 23, 2025 at 10:46 AM
Can't stop thinking about Virginia's state flag and how that Amazonian woman needs to get off her ass.
June 5, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Freshly 18 from a bad home who didn't give you your birth certificate, support you to learn to drive or get a job, and they just kicked you out?
ILLEGALLY HOMELESS!
Maybe you'll find all of that in this poop-smeared jail cell! AT LEAST YOU'LL FINALLY GET SOME HEALTHCARE!
Welcome to 'Murica!
June 3, 2025 at 11:07 AM
My kids are 6 and 7.
I'm thinking of letting their first experience with the Republican party to be witnessing the Sieg Heils by Bannon and Musk after showing them the historical precedent.
Thoughts?
February 21, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Jesus Christ visits us through the southern border:

ICE: "Not without the right papers!"
Trump: "That's illegal, this is a violent criminal, the very worst kind of person - we gotta send 'em to GuantanaMO, folks! GuantanaMO! So violent we can't even let other places have them. Very sad."
February 3, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Kinda seems like Trump wants to do to our neighbors what Russia is doing to Ukraine, and with all of the same excuses
February 3, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Wondering what happens when Trump has enough loyalists installed to just ask the courts, "So? What are you going to DO about it?"
And then we all realize he's the head of the departments that could do something.
February 2, 2025 at 5:22 AM
About 3 hours into watching our favorite streamer (Mighty Jingles) play the newest Indiana Jones game, I find out my wife has never seen any of the movies.
So, obviously, I *forced* her to watch the first one.
We're now going to see all of them in order, and they have not aged a day. :D
February 2, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Realized that there are a bunch of actors and popular media that Republicans aren't aware that they hate because Trump hasn't told them to, yet.
February 1, 2025 at 4:45 PM
Watching these interviews of 1/6 prisoners after their release, and I have to ask: what's with the border-obsessed folks not understanding that they didn't have a right to be there?
You'd think this would be a very short logical leap for them to make.
February 1, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Reposted
January 30, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Trump's evidence of DEI causing the plane crash, after he and his team spent more time focusing on that than the victims, is "It could've been."

And that reminded me that the cause of the crash also "could've been" all the FAA leadership he fired.
January 31, 2025 at 1:05 PM
My retired father-in-law says to us yesterday, he says: "I need to go find another job before they end DEI and my veteran status denies me applications instead of helping."
January 31, 2025 at 11:59 AM
Normally what I'll do is try to get as much information about an event from as many sources as possible, and then go see how Fox has spun it.
Honestly, everything that's happened since the Sieg Heils has me too nervous to see how thin the veil has become.
January 31, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Reposted
Really…..Just Stop!
January 25, 2025 at 2:03 PM