Captain Caiman
@captaincaiman.bsky.social
Professional Pansexual Reptile.
Lover of all things NSFW.
Message me if you want to get freaky or if you want to hear my best dad joke.
Don't beg me to commission you, I spend all my money on 55 gallon drums of lube.
🔞 No minors allowed 🔞
Lover of all things NSFW.
Message me if you want to get freaky or if you want to hear my best dad joke.
Don't beg me to commission you, I spend all my money on 55 gallon drums of lube.
🔞 No minors allowed 🔞
That's my friggin queen right there
November 19, 2025 at 5:46 AM
That's my friggin queen right there
No lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratically, exponentially, while I scream and see the light, etc.
November 16, 2025 at 6:14 PM
No lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratically, exponentially, while I scream and see the light, etc.
Do yall think Mega Scolipede gets an even longer, cooler looking cock?
October 24, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Do yall think Mega Scolipede gets an even longer, cooler looking cock?
Like licking a 9-volt battery
October 18, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Like licking a 9-volt battery
ARTIFICERS are the toyboxes, if it runs on electricity and makes you cum, they probably have it in 3 different colors. They're also just as experimental as Sorcerers and Warlocks, but they strive to see just how much you can take before you break from overstim. And then you'll do the same to them!
October 8, 2025 at 1:05 PM
ARTIFICERS are the toyboxes, if it runs on electricity and makes you cum, they probably have it in 3 different colors. They're also just as experimental as Sorcerers and Warlocks, but they strive to see just how much you can take before you break from overstim. And then you'll do the same to them!
CLERICS are prepared for literally anything. Condoms of every texture, thickness, and flavor, waterproof sheets, post-nut snacks, EVERYTHING. Hell, they might even have a defibrillator on standby. You're in good hands, no matter what you're into or what position you prefer. They're ready for it all
October 8, 2025 at 1:01 PM
CLERICS are prepared for literally anything. Condoms of every texture, thickness, and flavor, waterproof sheets, post-nut snacks, EVERYTHING. Hell, they might even have a defibrillator on standby. You're in good hands, no matter what you're into or what position you prefer. They're ready for it all
Paladins are so overwhelmingly wholesome that it'll put you in a sugar coma. Everything they do, they'll ask permission first, and immediately ask for feedback on if they're doing good. It's sweet, but in a "shut up and eat me out" way. But hey, they're consistent as hell and reliable as the sunrise
October 8, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Paladins are so overwhelmingly wholesome that it'll put you in a sugar coma. Everything they do, they'll ask permission first, and immediately ask for feedback on if they're doing good. It's sweet, but in a "shut up and eat me out" way. But hey, they're consistent as hell and reliable as the sunrise
Rangers are a bit of an enigma, you can't tie them down but they'll always be back for more. They just can't be satisfied with one person, they need the thrill of the hunt to be satisfied. Once they stake their territory, they'll definitely be back. Just don't get attached, enjoy them while you can
October 8, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Rangers are a bit of an enigma, you can't tie them down but they'll always be back for more. They just can't be satisfied with one person, they need the thrill of the hunt to be satisfied. Once they stake their territory, they'll definitely be back. Just don't get attached, enjoy them while you can
BARDS are masters of foreplay, they know every button to press to get you all hot and bothered. Eventually you'll snap and fuck them harder than you thought you were capable of, and that's exactly what they want. They're BRATS! Only satisfied once you've left them as a quivering, breathless mess
October 8, 2025 at 12:49 PM
BARDS are masters of foreplay, they know every button to press to get you all hot and bothered. Eventually you'll snap and fuck them harder than you thought you were capable of, and that's exactly what they want. They're BRATS! Only satisfied once you've left them as a quivering, breathless mess
SORCERERS like to experiment, often mixing around existing pleasures to make new ones. Waxplay + Ice Cubes, Sensory Deprivation + Rope Suspension, Anal Bead Tug-of-War, you'll never be bored when a Sorcerer gets to using that kinky mind if theirs. Just remind them to drink water, they WILL forget to
October 8, 2025 at 12:43 PM
SORCERERS like to experiment, often mixing around existing pleasures to make new ones. Waxplay + Ice Cubes, Sensory Deprivation + Rope Suspension, Anal Bead Tug-of-War, you'll never be bored when a Sorcerer gets to using that kinky mind if theirs. Just remind them to drink water, they WILL forget to
ROGUES are the sort of subtle freaks who like to drive you wild in public places. Nobody will see them grab your crotch or squeeze your breast, but you'll definitely feel it. Rogues love to build up that tension, just waiting for a chance to get you alone. Bonus points if they can slip a plug in you
October 8, 2025 at 12:36 PM
ROGUES are the sort of subtle freaks who like to drive you wild in public places. Nobody will see them grab your crotch or squeeze your breast, but you'll definitely feel it. Rogues love to build up that tension, just waiting for a chance to get you alone. Bonus points if they can slip a plug in you