... I feel like such a tool for being *this* upset over being a 27-year-old virgin.

Especially when I sabotage myself every chance I get. 4/3

My gaze turns from the moon itself to its reflection upon the waves, and curl up. Its distortion upsets me, but it also reminds me that I, too, may be observing myself from the wrong angle. 3/3

rude by distancing myself from them, especially since we're all gathered here for my sake. I wish a large wave would surge onto land, rip me away, and drag me under. At least that way my abandonment of everyone would feel less intentional. Though I never intend to abandon the people I love... 2/x

To tell myself life is a choice, and I can choose happiness. I can choose self-love. I just need to want it bad enough to work for it. Really work for it. 12/12

spectrum. That I am a foul wretch living a life he doesn't deserve. I want to break that habit, but I must strengthen my mind, and my heart. Find within myself the mental, physical, and emotional strength to look myself in the mirror, gaze down the part of me that says no, and snuff him out. 11/X

I tell myself I should act out and push everyone away, to try and fulfill this "prophecy" myself. That because I believe myself unworthy of love, I am also unworthy of friendship, unworthy of family. Unworthy of contentment, happiness, joy, and all the other positive emotions within the 10/X

the jealousy wane. It just makes me hate myself more. I end up cajoling myself further, reaffirming that "Yes, I am unworthy of romance. I am unworthy of passion. I am consigned to eternal solitude, imprisoned within my own ego. My own self-loathing, barring me from the love I could have." 9/X

tools. Some of them have more understanding parents, or parents who share more of their interests. Some of them have romantic partners who they love and who love them. I can feel my heart rot with envy when I dwell on these things. It's wrong of me to do so; I know that. But that doesn't make 8/X

is hollow, or lacking, or insincere, or some other equivalently disqualifying term. I don't know if this is wholly true, I genuinely care for the people I hold close. I wish nothing but success for them. I hate myself but I love them.

But I also envy them. Some of them have access to better 7/X

real life, I can count on one hand having felt.

According to the King James Version of the Gospel according to Matthew, Chapter 22, verse 39, Jesus said "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Some people expand upon this and say that if you can't love yourself, then the love you give others 6/X

mind down, to focus on one project at a time.

I want to become a better version of myself.

But I also want to escape everything. Become a hero in a span of days. A champion in hours. A stud in minutes. Someone worthy of praise now. I want to feel something through these escapes that, through 5/X

most of it, or spend my energy satisfying more base urges.

I look at my reflection with scorn. Even now, as I type this, I plot a course for something that might never happen, my mind pulled in way too many different directions to give said project the attention it deserves. I need to slow my 4/X

money and time learning new skills, enriching myself or pursuing my passions. OR, I could spend my time smashing my face against a digital wall for hours at a time trying to beat X boss in Y game, spend my money on DLC that I'll hardly experience because I'm too stubborn or unskilled to make the 3/X

my alarms, I can consistently make my bed every morning, I can brush after breakfast and before bed, I never miss a day of work and, even then, I do my best to provide advance notice. But it's always when I'm faced with a screen and a keyboard that my self-control fails me. I could spend my 2/X

stumble, but will pick himself back up.
I am not who I should be.
But maybe, someday, I will be. 5/5

for nothing.
The me I should be will be an artist.
The me I should be will be a man who lives the dream of profiting off his passions and addictions.
The me I should be will be loved.
The me I should be will be yearned for.
The me I should be will think for himself.
The me I should be will 4/x

I am of average height and build.
I am a citizen of the United States of America.
I am a non-denominational Christian.
I am a speaker of American English, Ecuadorian Spanish, and Brazilian Portuguese.
I am not who I should be.
The me I should be will be ambitious.
The me I should be will want 3/x

I am currently self-employed two ways, and starting tomorrow I will work for another on top of this.
I was, am, and will be a student of some subject.
I am not who I should be.
I am Latino, of Ecuadorian and Brazilian heritage.
I am cisgender.
I am male.
I am currently twenty-seven years old. 2/x

something would appear on the horizon. Something to take shelter in or behind. Some sort of reassurance that I'm not racing towards doom or consigning myself to some kind of oblivion.

I look at my reflection in the mirror. I don't like what I see.