Unfortunately they tend to be pretty short

me and my friends would've killed Bicentennial Man with hammers I can tell you that much

Not reading the article, but this feels close to laundering the idea there are groups of biological humans who don't experience humanity, using a politically neutral subject (people from the past). Not a big leap to apply this thinking to modern humans who are deemed "primitive" in some way.

It's really important a plane engine doesn't fall on anyone's house in the next few days

I also want to inexplicably have one "shard" and panic that I accidentally spent real money

when you need grog but you're all out of doubloons