Sam Bane
@brotherbane.bsky.social
Raised by narcs to be a perfect victim for a narc spouse. Trying to lead with my empathy rather than my pain.
Learning to survive.
Dedicated to our founding creed that all people are created equal.
Learning to survive.
Dedicated to our founding creed that all people are created equal.
It’s still hard looking back to realize abusive narcissists all read the same script.
May 2, 2025 at 1:56 AM
It’s still hard looking back to realize abusive narcissists all read the same script.
The abuse enablers all learn this truth too late
April 27, 2025 at 11:05 AM
The abuse enablers all learn this truth too late
Sitting in the quiet dawn, hour 44 of the 48 I'm allotted to have my son and daughter under my care. Hurts my heart thinking about driving them back to a mom who possesses them like objects.
Still it's gratifying to see how much they still love me, no matter what the strangers get told
Still it's gratifying to see how much they still love me, no matter what the strangers get told
April 19, 2025 at 10:35 AM
Sitting in the quiet dawn, hour 44 of the 48 I'm allotted to have my son and daughter under my care. Hurts my heart thinking about driving them back to a mom who possesses them like objects.
Still it's gratifying to see how much they still love me, no matter what the strangers get told
Still it's gratifying to see how much they still love me, no matter what the strangers get told
Finally got back the report from my court ordered mental health evaluation yesterday. The psychologist affirmed I am as I perceive myself.
Guess who’s not crazy?
Guess who’s not crazy?
a man in a yellow jacket is waving his hand
Alt: a man in a yellow jacket raising his hand
media.tenor.com
April 15, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Finally got back the report from my court ordered mental health evaluation yesterday. The psychologist affirmed I am as I perceive myself.
Guess who’s not crazy?
Guess who’s not crazy?
For almost a quarter century I dedicated myself to us. Since being separated it’s been hard to face her in court.
But 4.5 months later, today. I saw her and for the first time I felt… nothing.
Not anxious, sad or angry. She felt like a stranger again, blessedly
It’s time to get back to my kids
But 4.5 months later, today. I saw her and for the first time I felt… nothing.
Not anxious, sad or angry. She felt like a stranger again, blessedly
It’s time to get back to my kids
April 15, 2025 at 1:16 AM
For almost a quarter century I dedicated myself to us. Since being separated it’s been hard to face her in court.
But 4.5 months later, today. I saw her and for the first time I felt… nothing.
Not anxious, sad or angry. She felt like a stranger again, blessedly
It’s time to get back to my kids
But 4.5 months later, today. I saw her and for the first time I felt… nothing.
Not anxious, sad or angry. She felt like a stranger again, blessedly
It’s time to get back to my kids
No matter the momentum my abuser has gained in bad faith, blessedly I hold the truth of the rest of our story…
March 29, 2025 at 11:17 AM
No matter the momentum my abuser has gained in bad faith, blessedly I hold the truth of the rest of our story…
The romantic in me once told her, “I don’t judge your past because all the roads you traveled lead you to me.”
But her past turned out to be preamble.
Still I’m grateful in learning to survive alone.
But her past turned out to be preamble.
Still I’m grateful in learning to survive alone.
March 26, 2025 at 12:17 PM
The romantic in me once told her, “I don’t judge your past because all the roads you traveled lead you to me.”
But her past turned out to be preamble.
Still I’m grateful in learning to survive alone.
But her past turned out to be preamble.
Still I’m grateful in learning to survive alone.
I used to hate the loneliness of solitude until I made it my fortress.
March 23, 2025 at 11:37 AM
I used to hate the loneliness of solitude until I made it my fortress.
A court mandated mental health evaluation is the latest example of my stbx wife’s mastery of hidden abuse
March 23, 2025 at 10:49 AM
A court mandated mental health evaluation is the latest example of my stbx wife’s mastery of hidden abuse
Cluster B personalities are not delusional; remember that is a common trait for cluster A disorders.
It is denialism that is a primary defense mechanism—‘toxic amnesia’ better describes this otherwise apparently bewildering trait
It is denialism that is a primary defense mechanism—‘toxic amnesia’ better describes this otherwise apparently bewildering trait
February 19, 2025 at 12:21 PM
Cluster B personalities are not delusional; remember that is a common trait for cluster A disorders.
It is denialism that is a primary defense mechanism—‘toxic amnesia’ better describes this otherwise apparently bewildering trait
It is denialism that is a primary defense mechanism—‘toxic amnesia’ better describes this otherwise apparently bewildering trait
Getting out of survival mode requires not only puzzling the pieces back together but first finding where they all got strewn
February 19, 2025 at 11:51 AM
Getting out of survival mode requires not only puzzling the pieces back together but first finding where they all got strewn
Not to hijack this person’s reply but it’s notable this is the exact rationale my adulterous wife claimed when I confronted her betrayal
February 17, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Not to hijack this person’s reply but it’s notable this is the exact rationale my adulterous wife claimed when I confronted her betrayal
“It takes two to tango” is the most invalidating expression I’ve had to endure from people who don’t know what emotional abuse is
February 17, 2025 at 12:04 PM
“It takes two to tango” is the most invalidating expression I’ve had to endure from people who don’t know what emotional abuse is
I don’t want to prioritize myself because I’m well aware my experiences are the minority. Still it is uplifting and empowering to be seen
Male victims of coercive control often face unique barriers such as societal stigma and limited support.
Unique Challenges Faced by Male Victims of Coercive Control
Male victims of coercive control often face unique barriers such as societal stigma and limited support.
shadowsofcontrol.com
February 16, 2025 at 12:36 PM
I don’t want to prioritize myself because I’m well aware my experiences are the minority. Still it is uplifting and empowering to be seen
When I craved intimacy with my wife she told everyone the only thing I wanted was sex. But I don’t use euphemisms for coitus. Intimacy is the quiet and the peace I felt in my lover’s presence
February 16, 2025 at 12:23 PM
When I craved intimacy with my wife she told everyone the only thing I wanted was sex. But I don’t use euphemisms for coitus. Intimacy is the quiet and the peace I felt in my lover’s presence
The judge said the protective order granted me visits with the kids. Blinking back tears I replied access to them furthers enmeshment with the person I’m trying to get away from.
A momentary piercing stare, the judge turned to her clerk & named the lawyer she wanted to represent my kids.
A momentary piercing stare, the judge turned to her clerk & named the lawyer she wanted to represent my kids.
February 16, 2025 at 12:17 PM
The judge said the protective order granted me visits with the kids. Blinking back tears I replied access to them furthers enmeshment with the person I’m trying to get away from.
A momentary piercing stare, the judge turned to her clerk & named the lawyer she wanted to represent my kids.
A momentary piercing stare, the judge turned to her clerk & named the lawyer she wanted to represent my kids.
The family court judge saw me for who I am rather than simply accepting my spouse’s false smears.
It feels like a light switch between hopelessness and optimism got flipped. Today I finally feel less like a victim and maybe can call myself survivor
It feels like a light switch between hopelessness and optimism got flipped. Today I finally feel less like a victim and maybe can call myself survivor
February 16, 2025 at 12:03 PM
The family court judge saw me for who I am rather than simply accepting my spouse’s false smears.
It feels like a light switch between hopelessness and optimism got flipped. Today I finally feel less like a victim and maybe can call myself survivor
It feels like a light switch between hopelessness and optimism got flipped. Today I finally feel less like a victim and maybe can call myself survivor
Lately I’m realizing I had no idea what ‘real love’ is supposed to feel like.
February 11, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Lately I’m realizing I had no idea what ‘real love’ is supposed to feel like.
Call me weak directly instead of pretending you’re being kind telling me to “get over it”
February 10, 2025 at 12:16 PM
Call me weak directly instead of pretending you’re being kind telling me to “get over it”
Met with an attorney today and realized she would do right by my money. But upon reflection I want an advocate who is also gonna do right by me.
February 7, 2025 at 12:14 AM
Met with an attorney today and realized she would do right by my money. But upon reflection I want an advocate who is also gonna do right by me.
Yearning to hold my babies this morning, a deep grief the court has imposed itself between us.
February 4, 2025 at 11:29 AM
Yearning to hold my babies this morning, a deep grief the court has imposed itself between us.
People who don’t have experience dealing with malignant narcissists spend a lot of time in disbelief that a person could lie without remorse or exploit others relentlessly.
This country needs a crash course in radical acceptance to confront their callous political and business leaders.
This country needs a crash course in radical acceptance to confront their callous political and business leaders.
February 3, 2025 at 7:39 PM
People who don’t have experience dealing with malignant narcissists spend a lot of time in disbelief that a person could lie without remorse or exploit others relentlessly.
This country needs a crash course in radical acceptance to confront their callous political and business leaders.
This country needs a crash course in radical acceptance to confront their callous political and business leaders.
A clever synonym for a covert narcissist
January 28, 2025 at 3:42 AM
A clever synonym for a covert narcissist
Rather than measuring me by my fortitude she rounded me down with my faults. In tranquil times it is easy to take things for granted.
But she still calls whenever caregiving needs to be more than the simple routines. Emergencies are hard but she exiled the man who was built for them.
But she still calls whenever caregiving needs to be more than the simple routines. Emergencies are hard but she exiled the man who was built for them.
January 28, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Rather than measuring me by my fortitude she rounded me down with my faults. In tranquil times it is easy to take things for granted.
But she still calls whenever caregiving needs to be more than the simple routines. Emergencies are hard but she exiled the man who was built for them.
But she still calls whenever caregiving needs to be more than the simple routines. Emergencies are hard but she exiled the man who was built for them.
I hope one day the kids forgive me for having to choose life instead of them
January 27, 2025 at 2:42 AM
I hope one day the kids forgive me for having to choose life instead of them