Shadows of Control
@shadowsofcontrol.bsky.social
Writer, researcher, and survivor championing the fight against coercive control and domestic abuse. Freedom begins with awareness. https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/
Coercive control can be invisible, leaving victims unsure if they’re truly being abused. Even without physical violence, patterns of manipulation and domination cause profound harm.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Is Coercive Control Illegal? Understanding Laws Against Controlling Behavior
Coercive control consists of behavior that abusers use to dominate and manipulate their partners.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
December 27, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Coercive control can be invisible, leaving victims unsure if they’re truly being abused. Even without physical violence, patterns of manipulation and domination cause profound harm.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
When in doubt, always choose YOUR memory, YOUR perception, YOUR beliefs!
#gaslighting #narcissist #emotionalabuse
#gaslighting #narcissist #emotionalabuse
December 27, 2025 at 12:30 AM
When in doubt, always choose YOUR memory, YOUR perception, YOUR beliefs!
#gaslighting #narcissist #emotionalabuse
#gaslighting #narcissist #emotionalabuse
"I used to dread the holidays, knowing my abuser would ruin every special moment. But I've learned that I can create my own joy, in my own way. I deserve to celebrate, to feel loved, and to find peace." - Survivor quote
#ReclaimYourJoy
#ReclaimYourJoy
December 26, 2025 at 4:02 PM
"I used to dread the holidays, knowing my abuser would ruin every special moment. But I've learned that I can create my own joy, in my own way. I deserve to celebrate, to feel loved, and to find peace." - Survivor quote
#ReclaimYourJoy
#ReclaimYourJoy
For anyone still in the shadows... you don't need to stay in the darkness. No one should steal your light, ever!
December 26, 2025 at 1:02 PM
For anyone still in the shadows... you don't need to stay in the darkness. No one should steal your light, ever!
Abusers cannot handle their partner asserting independence or challenging their authority, and see anger as an act of defiance. That is intolerable and unacceptable to any controlling person. #CoerciveControl #DomesticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Why Controlling Men Can't Stand It When You Get Angry
Discover the impact of anger in controlling relationships. Learn why expressions of anger can be unsafe and threatening for the partner being controlled.
shadowsofcontrol.com
December 26, 2025 at 3:30 AM
Abusers cannot handle their partner asserting independence or challenging their authority, and see anger as an act of defiance. That is intolerable and unacceptable to any controlling person. #CoerciveControl #DomesticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
"He told me he wouldn’t buy gifts, then gave me an expensive one in front of our child to make me look bad. It wasn’t generosity—it was manipulation. This year, I’m focusing on my peace, not his drama." 💜 #SurvivorQuote
December 25, 2025 at 10:29 PM
"He told me he wouldn’t buy gifts, then gave me an expensive one in front of our child to make me look bad. It wasn’t generosity—it was manipulation. This year, I’m focusing on my peace, not his drama." 💜 #SurvivorQuote
An abuser's sense of control is shattered when their partner leaves them, prompting a desperate need to reestablish it. Entering a new relationship quickly is a way for the abuser to reassure themselves of their control and desirability. #CoerciveControl
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
The Swift Shift: Why Abusers Quickly Move into New Relationships
Understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships: delve into the motivations behind an abuser's rapid move into a new relationship.
shadowsofcontrol.com
December 25, 2025 at 8:02 PM
An abuser's sense of control is shattered when their partner leaves them, prompting a desperate need to reestablish it. Entering a new relationship quickly is a way for the abuser to reassure themselves of their control and desirability. #CoerciveControl
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
This Christmas, my thoughts are with everyone who has lived through abuse, is healing from it, or is still navigating the holidays with someone who makes celebration feel impossible. I hope you find moments of peace and that Christmas feels a little lighter for you this year. 🎄💛 #YouAreNotAlone
December 25, 2025 at 8:38 AM
This Christmas, my thoughts are with everyone who has lived through abuse, is healing from it, or is still navigating the holidays with someone who makes celebration feel impossible. I hope you find moments of peace and that Christmas feels a little lighter for you this year. 🎄💛 #YouAreNotAlone
Coercive control doesn’t always show up as violence. Sometimes it’s the slow erasure of who you are.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
December 25, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Coercive control doesn’t always show up as violence. Sometimes it’s the slow erasure of who you are.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
Christmas isn’t a happy time for everyone.
For people living with abuse, it can actually get worse.
This article explains why.
For people living with abuse, it can actually get worse.
This article explains why.
How Abusers Ruin Christmas and Steps to Reclaim Your Joy
Explore how abusers can ruin the joy of Christmas. Learn about the tactics they use to control and manipulate during the holiday season and how to reclaim your joy.
shadowsofcontrol.com
December 24, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Christmas isn’t a happy time for everyone.
For people living with abuse, it can actually get worse.
This article explains why.
For people living with abuse, it can actually get worse.
This article explains why.
Abuse doesn’t happen because the victim is weak. It happens because abusers are strategic, manipulative, and skilled at exploiting trust.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
December 24, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Abuse doesn’t happen because the victim is weak. It happens because abusers are strategic, manipulative, and skilled at exploiting trust.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
Control doesn’t always sound like “you can’t.” Sometimes the signs of coercive control are subtle, invisible - and devastating.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Hidden Signs of Coercive Control: How Abusers Control Without Saying “No”
Explore the hidden signs of coercive control, how abusers manipulate without saying “no,” and why this invisible abuse is so hard to spot.
shadowsofcontrol.com
December 24, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Control doesn’t always sound like “you can’t.” Sometimes the signs of coercive control are subtle, invisible - and devastating.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
It’s easy to doubt yourself when someone repeatedly downplays the harm they’ve caused. Abusers often use minimization to make their actions seem “not that bad,” leaving victims questioning their own perceptions.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Minimization: A Key Tactic of Manipulative Abusers
Minimization is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to downplay the severity of their actions.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
December 23, 2025 at 8:02 PM
It’s easy to doubt yourself when someone repeatedly downplays the harm they’ve caused. Abusers often use minimization to make their actions seem “not that bad,” leaving victims questioning their own perceptions.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Abusers use the legal system to harass & control. They file frivolous lawsuits, drag out court cases, or weaponize custody battles to drain your energy & finances. Legal abuse can last for years post-separation, causing deep financial & emotional stress.
#PostSeparationAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse
December 23, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Abusers use the legal system to harass & control. They file frivolous lawsuits, drag out court cases, or weaponize custody battles to drain your energy & finances. Legal abuse can last for years post-separation, causing deep financial & emotional stress.
#PostSeparationAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse
Question: “Didn’t you see the red flags?”
Answer: Abusers don’t show their true colors right away. They charm you, make you feel loved & slowly introduce manipulation. The red flags start subtly—by the time they’re clear, you’re already deeply invested.
Answer: Abusers don’t show their true colors right away. They charm you, make you feel loved & slowly introduce manipulation. The red flags start subtly—by the time they’re clear, you’re already deeply invested.
December 22, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Question: “Didn’t you see the red flags?”
Answer: Abusers don’t show their true colors right away. They charm you, make you feel loved & slowly introduce manipulation. The red flags start subtly—by the time they’re clear, you’re already deeply invested.
Answer: Abusers don’t show their true colors right away. They charm you, make you feel loved & slowly introduce manipulation. The red flags start subtly—by the time they’re clear, you’re already deeply invested.
Property destruction is a form of intimidation. It’s not a ‘tantrum’—it’s calculated, threatening behaviour.
#DomesticViolence
#DomesticViolence
December 22, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Property destruction is a form of intimidation. It’s not a ‘tantrum’—it’s calculated, threatening behaviour.
#DomesticViolence
#DomesticViolence
Coercive control isn’t always loud. It’s a slow silencing. A steady erasure of who you are, until only they remain.
#CoerciveControl #DomesticAbuseAwareness
#CoerciveControl #DomesticAbuseAwareness
December 22, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Coercive control isn’t always loud. It’s a slow silencing. A steady erasure of who you are, until only they remain.
#CoerciveControl #DomesticAbuseAwareness
#CoerciveControl #DomesticAbuseAwareness
A domestic abuse victim doesn't "just leave" because they believe that the consequences of leaving, will be worse than the consequences of staying. 💔
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
December 21, 2025 at 10:31 PM
A domestic abuse victim doesn't "just leave" because they believe that the consequences of leaving, will be worse than the consequences of staying. 💔
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
The belief that a partner or child can be owned is central to abuse. It explains the constant control, the seething jealousy, the silencing of individuality, and the violent rage when ownership is threatened.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
“You Belong to Me” Uncovering the Ownership Belief at the Heart of Abuse
Delve into the dynamics of abuse and ownership. Discover how the idea of possession influences abusive behavior and relationships.
shadowsofcontrol.com
December 21, 2025 at 8:02 PM
The belief that a partner or child can be owned is central to abuse. It explains the constant control, the seething jealousy, the silencing of individuality, and the violent rage when ownership is threatened.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Abuse isn’t always obvious at first. It builds over time, slowly dismantling your identity while convincing you it’s your fault.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
December 21, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Abuse isn’t always obvious at first. It builds over time, slowly dismantling your identity while convincing you it’s your fault.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
Hope is often seen as a powerful human force, but in abusive relationships it can become the very chain that keeps someone trapped in the cycle of harm.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
The Painful Grip of Hope in Abusive Relationships
Discover how hope in abusive relationships traps survivors in cycles of harm, and how reclaiming hope can lead to freedom and healing.
shadowsofcontrol.com
December 21, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Hope is often seen as a powerful human force, but in abusive relationships it can become the very chain that keeps someone trapped in the cycle of harm.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Love is meant to be a sanctuary of safety, respect, and support not a battlefield of control, fear and manipulation.
December 20, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Love is meant to be a sanctuary of safety, respect, and support not a battlefield of control, fear and manipulation.
What begins as attention or protectiveness can slowly become control — isolation from loved ones, constant criticism, or financial dependence. Recognizing the signs early is vital.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Is Your Partner Controlling? Top Signs to Watch Out For
Recognizing a controlling partner can be challenging at first.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
December 20, 2025 at 3:10 AM
What begins as attention or protectiveness can slowly become control — isolation from loved ones, constant criticism, or financial dependence. Recognizing the signs early is vital.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Leaving an abuser isn’t one moment. It’s a process. A terrifying untangling of everything they’ve made you believe—about yourself, your worth, and your safety.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
December 20, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Leaving an abuser isn’t one moment. It’s a process. A terrifying untangling of everything they’ve made you believe—about yourself, your worth, and your safety.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
If you are experiencing gaslighting, you absolutely must try to trust yourself - even if you have doubts, even if your partner is smarter, even if you are forgetful from time to time. Make a firm decision to trust your memory, trust your perception, and trust your sense of what's real. #Gaslighting
December 19, 2025 at 4:02 PM
If you are experiencing gaslighting, you absolutely must try to trust yourself - even if you have doubts, even if your partner is smarter, even if you are forgetful from time to time. Make a firm decision to trust your memory, trust your perception, and trust your sense of what's real. #Gaslighting