My fortune cookie this evening said, "Trust your instincts and make a bold move this Friday." Do you think they meant today, or this coming up Friday? I'd hate to make a bold move on the wrong fucking Friday.

I'm trying to save money because I want some new furniture, but I can't come across a book called Cruise To Cock Island and NOT buy it.

I'm gonna start blaming everything on autism. If someone annoys me I'll just punch them in the face and say, "Sorry, not my fault, it's the autism!"

(Somehow, I have a feeling that this wouldn't work if I tried it...)

Facebook is now even shittier than it used to be, so maybe I should use this thing to post about something other than Billy Squier. At least now and then.

Billy fuckin' Squier, y'all.